This is a collection of prayers and poems I write weekly(usually for the occasion of meditation on the Sabbath rest of the Lord) and share with loved ones. I decided to share them here in the hope that they will bless you and give honor to my King.
I have exposed my heart and soul and give it all to Him with whom I have to do and offer it as fellowship with you. I will update this collection with the newest entry on top.
February 4, 2018
closest to me- One Who knows who I am inside- One Who knows all of me and more of me than even I can fathom- may I draw near to You. Unworthy and ungrateful as I am, will You accept this gesture and upraised heart. Before I plead Your forgiveness, before I beg for Your assistance- I acknowledge now just how very great You are- Your mercies without ceasing, Your kindness without limit, Your love free without condition and thank You. For if there were any requirement on my end that I could promise You or even strive for I would fail- and any pact or agreement would with certainty and inevitably become annulled and void, for I cannot fulfill a thing beside, outside, or aside from Your design, provision, and gracious illumination. And nothing I can offer is even mine to hold out to Thee. So thank You. I glorify You for all that You have done for me which I have noticed and proclaim- and for all the things You have done for me that I have not properly recognized or given testimony regarding. If I were to attempt to probe the depths of Your benevolence I could deeply entrench for years and ages and yet only scratch the surface of Your gifts upon my life. When I look at how very much I have failed in this time of tent dwelling- lingering as a stranger in this perishable facade…I can scarcely breathe for it will have taken the very spirit of motivation from me- How can I strive to do what I must when daily I fail? How can I make right all the wrong I have either delegated, promoted or administered personally? When I think upon this I tremble and my heart seizes and my throat swells and I feel the grip of panic the hot stench of death’s breath upon my face and I know that my deeds would surely have purchased my passage to eternal torment which is separation from You my Love. Then having faced this death I remember the only assurance I have. I recall the promises which do not bend, yield, soften or melt away even from the hottest fires of the deepest hell…these promises are secure and I wrap them around my vitality and I clothe myself in them as a warrior untrained and yet I have every weapon I necessitate to engage these tormenting guilt ridden thoughts. I clothe myself in You my Love with Your vows upon my lips for You do not fail to keep Your word. I don Your grace my King for You do not waver in righteousness. Unchanging Lover of my soul- I am frightened by the work of my hands and how much better I could be doing, but Your perfect love abolishes my terror and kisses it away as if we were locked in embrace…those fears…becoming passersby glancing our way at all different angles hoping for a window or to catch our attention and thus distract us from our moment, from our bond… to no avail. Swept up in Your love I see nothing else. Consumed in this moment offering all of me for all You have let me see of You. You make me believe that tears from the deepest remorse can become like honey upon a Lovers lips…knowing from whence those depths didst dip…transforming into sweetness all that had once been bitterness. It has been too long since…we shared this…You are always there waiting just waiting for me to make the time to share a perfect kiss.
January 28, 2018
when I think
I’ve got some pain
I pick up a book
and remember a name
you make me relearn how to appreciate
little things, for granted, for granted we take
food on the table, blankets on a bed,
water in the shower, two shoes with which to tread
a walk of freedom to believe in One God
to be rendered as a being
with potential high and broad…
I think about the children
who survived to strike this pose
pointing at a picture from long ago
the memories that haunt them
for us to truly stop and think about the world we see
to compare the outright slaughter of a people
with the hateful cry & those who deny
still extant….still extant is this evil
fight it with the truth and knowledge
fight it with spirit, tooth and nail….
identify the courage of these
who refused to let darkness prevail
January 25, 2018
I praise You
because every single time
I am challenged to explain
who I am in You
it helps me learn more about that
There is one thing I value above all else
the Love You have shown me
that I pray I can share with someone else
Love revealed in person
and through Your living word
Love that doesn’t change
that doesn’t expect
that doesn’t pose condition
this is the Love I want to live and live in…
I don’t know who I am aside from You
but I know that I strive each day to learn what You love
and love it too…
Your Torah, Yeshua, without judgment without fear…
I do not fit a label, but my search…
it is sincere
won’t cease seeking
won’t cease reaching
even though at times it hurts
to be living in between two worlds
You’re here with me…
so that makes it all of unspeakable worth.
January 10, 2018
pen and ink
does it really make a difference
what I think
crush me into powder-fine
then blow on me with breath-divine
like the scattered ashes of a memory
completely subsumed impossible to retrieve
what was it like to witness, to see
blackened bones make that final flight
dusting the surface of the night
with morbid invisibility, their silenced plight
did someone sit beside the face
of that overstuffed tomb who masquerades
as, just a simple serene blue lake
with park benches where children laugh and play
for heaven sake
let this not be the case today
that one drop of devastated blood will be undermined
by denial, in the name of “free Palestine!”
may not one single grain of ash go unrecognized
but be mourned for with a sea of tears
not forgotten or disguised
no cause could ever be
to warrant the dismissal of these…
many fine ground bodies
who were…human beings…
now part of something bigger
like fresh water mingling in salted sea
like new seeds planted atop roots-deep
by Jewish hands in Hashem’s Land, after all the loss
they know best the immeasurable cost…of the Holocaust
the beauty of the Rose that blossomed with the return of fallen stars and scattered sand
will now and forever overshadow and hush your violent claims to that Land
and while the reasonable world muses
a father’s blood on the pavement flows red
and you mute news
and turn off the TV
calling “death to Israel!”
a warranted plea?
For settling where God Himself
bid His people to be…
it is all so far beyond
this pen and ink
beyond what I can even shudder to think…
blow me away
render me vapor
teach me how to pray
in a world that could tolerate or explain away
ashes in the river, and this widow and her children’s pain
Hashem will comfort all her mourners,
He will bless His people will peace,
December 26, 2018
I woke up
with many plans
spoke Your name
like a fleeting glance
the Breath within didst reprimand
‘wouldst thou so lightly treat any man’
pretense to thank
but this is precisely what I did
folded hands, closed eyes and downturned chin
when my world and all thats in it swirled round within
I woke up
with many plans
You stopped me still
all fell from my hands
even the shovel, digging for gold
from within Your prized commands
clanged to the floor
when burning needs suddenly slunk damp
onto the heap of unhewn stones
upon my heart, You and I… alone
how dare I stray casually beside the foot of Thy throne
all else fails
once again You have shown
I woke up
with many plans
by putting time first
with the King of all I have
my focus is now where it should have been
hitting The Mark making sense of anything else
I plan to do…
so I wrote this to share with each one of you
make Him first today
ask that He approve
of the many plans
we have set out to pursue
Shavua Tov- A Blessing for a Good Week!!
December 23, 2018
is where I take you
where I find you
where you go
may not be constant
when you get there
can be a person
a sense of being
that you belong
I believe in
when I’m in your
you’ve made it warmer
through your company
is where I take you
where I find you
where you go
it is a promise
when you get there
December 1, 2018
RISE BEFORE YOU AS INCENSE
MAY THE REMORSE
OF MY HEART
COUNT BEFORE YOU AS IF I
HAD BEEN ABLE…
MAY THE INTENTION
OF MY HEART
TO RIGHT THE WRONGS
I HAVE COMITTED
BEFORE YOUR THRONE
AS IF I WERE
IN THIS WORLD…
MY SOUL LONGS TO
MY FLESH IS WEAK
ARE THE ONLY DEFENSE
I SHEEPISHLY WITHOUT
INTO YOUR SCALES OF JUDGMENT.
I CAN’T EVEN
ASK MY GOD OF JUSTICE TO
HEAR MY PLEA
FOR I AM
HAVE MERCY ON ME…
There is no Rock like our God.
November 27, 2017
dulled and torn
once again inching toward
of fleeting life
and inescapable death
again my mind whirls
how did it come to this
I long for the sustained
when wrong will be righted
and endless love will seal the abyss
today I narrowly escaped
though I saw the edge from afar
and locked in, at a full on sprinters pace
gotta stand up for myself
show the world my righteousness
intensely pleading my case as if
I were in it alone, me and no one else
magnifying all that I do
clawing at dignity
railing at you
like stinking swine
charging blindly over a cliff
I debased Your name,
while vindicating mine
then with Might
and a Presence deeper still
still subservient and faithful to Your will
in an instant and swifter than the flutter of an eye
You took hold of my heart, and suddenly I died
who am I
what am I
if I succumb and rot away
this hail of truth from on high like the antidote
healing serum in my veins
diluting entirely the fire of rage
thirsty for Your spirit
You gave me the words to quiet the storm
and too, the ears to hear it
I feel as though You slung Your arm
with force around my waist
then yanked me back with vigor
to my rightful modest place
bruised in form
You saved my life
and halted my rapid dash
how much You love
may I see it, make it last
with cords of humility, cords of reduction
bind me to Your will
forgive me for my trespasses
with Your dear lash, my pride do kill…
(I know it is no small feat
I know it isn’t small
make there be found goodness
will my God I leap over
these brick walls.)
November 18, 2017
these interactions never fail to surprise
had you thought I’d
not have response for the very reason I am alive
keeping in mind
I didn’t approach you, you engaged me
did you think
I’d be shaken, defeated, retreat
I know perhaps that some of your flock
may not understand what they read or know why they walk
and although I pray to learn each day
there is resolute purpose in why I worship this way
to me its not a trite motion
or cute fleeting display
this relationship is active
and alive anew each and every moment of the day
so you asked
so I respond
so you didn’t expect
or perhaps weren’t fond
of the fact that I sincerely love
the Torah of the unchanging King and One
structure for one people, one law, for one Kingdom
and then in an act that exemplifies
the arrogance of narrowmindedness
my open hand of friendship
to the table you slapped
I hadn’t expected a reaction
quite so stubborn as that
if I hadn’t experienced, a variety of encounters
on numerous occasions
and previously swam through waves of disorientation
I don’t know how I might have
handled your self righteous dissociation
this time your lack fed into my heart’s gain
and in genuine concern and compassion I prayed
that as a leader you’d learn how not to push away
hearts who may approach you
dear brother learn to belay
orders mandated by your pride
misjudgments in which the Lord doesn’t abide
you may not know the destructive way
sharp edges of a hardened heart
dig out for the desperate a welcomed grave
and instead of life a road to rebellion you pave…
and you do this, “justified” in Christ’s great name?
I pray for you to find the fortitude
to humble yourself in the presence of truth
then in that place you’ll be a blessing
and wont slap away the hand of friend
open to in turn be a blessing to you…
November 13, 2017
Sundown I can hardly see
between the thickness of the trees…
but like my invisible King
I am aware
that in constance you are setting there
your face, and radiant glow
kissing mighty tree limbs and lo…
o’er every surface caught in your hold…
you paint the earth with slowly stretching shadow
they’re waking up
as you’re turning in
but just before night begins…
I come across a solitary sprig
of wild flora with rapturous scent
one tiny blossom, who perfectly fits
into a pourous rock, just made for it
Hashem, Your design is so much like this…
wondrous elements alone…
but Oh Glory when…
they come perfectly together
in a sacred moment
blossom and stone…
before glimmer vanished
You proved to my bones
that if I can recognize
what You had planned all along…
You let that seed fall one day
so tonight I would come upon and pluck it,
and be healed by that scent
that you positioned the pourous rock
where I’d notice
and administer its destined intent
that I’d grasp it and rest it
before the face of sunset
in my worn fingers
bringing testimony as my element
and all I can say of the hope that this brought
is I will forever remember the Everlasting Rock…
I am built and fall
marvel and cry
resting steadily upon
invisible King Most High
“For I proclaim the name of the LORD;
Ascribe greatness to our God!
“The Rock! His work is perfect,
For all His ways are just;
A God of faithfulness and without injustice,
Righteous and upright is He.
Devarim 32; 3-4
November 11, 2017
I have sat here…and I have cried
searched my heart dozens of times…
I have heard what I thought
then I turned and fled away
to pour diamonds off the bluff
as if I had riches enough
‘what’s wrong with one day
just find a reason to escape
you’ve worked you’ve earned & still He’ll love’
Heaven help my wasteful thinking
and my life, like an unattended open hose….
while some are thirsting, dying for lack of drinking
tearing off petals of a pristine rose…
how many chances I’ve strewn, I shudder to think of those
so I don’t…
for I can’t…
not if I deign to outlive lament
not if He’s given me purpose yet
I will turn away from my regret
and live to allow Him to redeem
treasure spilled over the edge
October 31, 2018
‘where are you?’
when You knew already
I knew that You knew
peel from the fruit
remnants of the sin
still stuck between my teeth
the choice You knew I’d choose
I broke our appointment
I can’t hide within,
shoddy cracking leaves of fig
can’t clothe my brazen sin
with tears you spilled
precious blood to kill
the death I bit into
the heavens poured
the earth rumbled and roared
the moment he surrendered spirit to You
You were waiting
You were calling
‘don’t diminish Me”
you do this every time you take of forbidden fruit
only you can see
what separates us
makes you question how I really feel
the questions of the serpent give you time
to justify, verify, and magnify your heart’s desires
and then make them real
around in your heart
out of your desire
and remember what life is all about
what have I done
with opened eyes that can not see
bring me back into the garden
with another chance to keep
the appointment which is daily
this time I pray you won’t have to call for me
this time I pray I’ll be there, already waiting…
October 24, 2017
there’s no cure for death.
no support that can change any of it.
I know – love
I know – light
I know- caring
but nothing will bring her back,
she wouldn’t even want that
I don’t even want that
I just miss
and miss her
it doesn’t get better
I heard someone say that
it seems worse
I feel like I can’t really even look at it
haven’t really completely dealt with it.
Will that ever happen,
can’t stand 10-23-17
where’s your soft
where are all the
things we planned
there is so much
I have to tell you
so much I want to ask
why didn’t I listen better
Mirjam, why does it
have to be like this
why didn’t I
I can’t have
I can’t stand it
and so I
collapse on the floor
no it doesn’t
I just long, and miss
where you filled
I’ll never find
anyone like you
it’s so very hard
to even try now to stand
October 22, 2017
transparency open and bare
bearing all of me
just as I am – really?
With all the shortcomings
but I keep on coming
back, and back, and back to Thee
In the quiet, still, You find me
in what state
You deserve the best but see…
I am all I have
the offering I can bring
But I am blemished
unclean. So how can it be…
that I could expect a Holy King
to be accepting…
How much more could I love Thee
show me tomorrow
the next day, and the next…increasing
How much more could I betray promises
diminish my sin, lesson my self
until I have died and there’s nothing left
will you accept
a sullied scent
rising from an offering blemished
if closeness with You is all that is longed for, I expect…
because I have known You my King
in the shadows of a twisted dream, You were there
in the brilliance of enlightened reality, You were feeding
and refilling me…
in the sludge, in deceit You washed clean my rancid feet
with the Tears of the Heart of the Servant to Whom I cling…
thus when I have anything to use to redeem
take all the glory
for it is all for Thee
and let it be radiantly seen….
me and You
what we’ve been through
what I continue to do
but one thing I know…
I will never be lost to You
You’ll never turn away
it’s only I that stray
please hold me tight
let love grow, never fading,
if I can love you in any state
tear off the proof of purchase and throw it away
for I am Yours
there’s no mistaking.
October 11, 2017
the scent of the beautiful fruit
transports me back to a time I once walked with You
drifting off to sleep
without any walls around my flesh
makes me remember a time
I lived unashamed, undressed
waking up to the sounds of animals I knew by name
and the winged things who harmoniously
kept quiet when it was time for peace, sleep
branches of green
and sturdy beams
You took me back to the Garden, and
taught me the meaning
You showed me perfection
access to abundance
in food, in drink, in song, in family with just
a glimpse You proved
Your commitment to
return me from exile next year
back to the Garden, where we
can in the cool of eve…
walk hand in hand
oh for this
I will hunger, and thirst and long everyday-
this time my desire is where it should always
October 9, 2017
does it take
someone elses eyes
for me to really see
in the heat of the moment
I forget your image
crafted to be the shadow of the Most High
why does it take…
someone elses eyes
judgment and despise
for me to really see
to remember how you look
this is how I see you…
dealing with the guilt that it took bitterness
for form and substance to be remembered
is who you are
when the solemn lingers to long
bring laughter, reminding me of the humor of my King
when the simple and easy
become too appeasing
bring elements of beautification and imagination no one else could quite orchestrate, not in your…way, unique
when I forget how to fall
and my legs too numb to move
teach me how to walk
even when I am consumed
with self… you’ve taught me how to live for someone else
what more could anyone ask for
why couldn’t I see it with my own two eyes
it’s because I had forgotten why
other’s don’t know you like I do
can’t fathom, can’t appreciate….
everything good that
have built and grown
despite all the garbage you’ve been given to cultivate through
this is how…
this is how…
is how I see you.
I understand why you want to leave this place.
It hurts when around every corner is someone crouching to vouch for our disgrace.
I will go with you wherever Hashem takes…
this family, for life, for peace, for seeking something deeper…
longer, stronger, that Face to Face.
I love you.
October 8, 2017
I don’t want to leave
I can’t even think
about this coming to an end
every time I catch a glimpse of a return
to the “real world”
I burn that visage
and clench my desire, wrapped in a long
sent via sparkling stars
intricately woven visions of love
when I would be joined with you here in this Sukkah
You touch my shoulder and make me turn,
in the most sudden places
in a song, in a sensation, in a simple glance…
I don’t want to leave
I can’t even think
about coming back to the illusion of the “real world”
holiness in the warmth of the sun
sanctity in a waving palm
remembrance in the face moon above
a kiss from the children You’ve entrusted to me in a profundity of love
spin me around and catch me before I fall
into the delusion that anything else could ever as deeply enthrall
nothing in this world, could ever make believe
this picture of heaven on earth
make here…more room
move the broken pieces together
once and for all
and I won’t be afraid that this moment will end
for You are alive
inviting, awaiting, meeting, appointing,
dance after dance
in and out of Tabernacles
generation to generation
proving the only reality is that Your love- Divine
halfway through the feast
I don’t have to wonder if You’ll continue to touch or move me.
All I have to do is wait,
You are so evident, I am continually stunned…
like a new bride,
Is He really mine?
May life change and remain like that…
Chag Sukkot Sameach night 4 !
October 5, 2017
I will follow You
I can picture it now as they
weaving visions of yesteryears
across the face of the moon
I feel you all around me
I will follow You
its as if I’ve come home to
my true self
though brand new, this sensation, of body
like I stepped out into the sands
of some ancient journey
carrying nothing but
some lingering memory
I’ve never seen before
but here it is before me…
clouds of glory
genulflecting, trapsing, cascading,
parading in some solemn sanctified
procession of praise
by the light of the moon
I will follow you
all of my days
last night, the first night of the Feast of Tabernacles, was the most ideal perfect evening….
I could feel His presence all around me
the air completely still
completely perfect temperature
the moon full
the clouds that appeared out of no where
spoke of those Glory clouds who were a sign
of the promise of protection
on that first night of vulnerability
as if to say…
you stepped out to follow me in faith
now take this….
cover, shade, security, love….
it was enveloping
I can only imaging how it really felt!
How it will feel.
For Sukkot is a Feast day which speaks of the
September 11, 2017
when will the walls break down
to get real
with what’s inside
you can’t patch or paint over or hide
its time to decide
where you’ll stand when it all comes crashing down
safe and secure with a strong foot hold
or scrambling at loose dirt
as judgment unfolds
is not trembling because you’re afraid to go in
fear is reverence at the work that must now begin
so much to repair
so much to rebuild
when will the truth be told
when will we get real with ourselves
bearing sins and past misdeeds in our hands
makes it impossible to fight the battles by His plan
carrying what you can not seem to let go
He can not fill your hands with weapons for victory to unfold
let it go
let it go
take the knife with faithful strength
be ready to sacrifice not matter what you thought it meant
not only will He make it clear
what you are fighting for
but He will fill your life with treasure worth so much more
there is a time to rebuild
and a time to abandon the mission
a time to fight and a time to surrender
nothing good comes without a high cost.
I think about all this nation has been through…
and what have we learned?
I pray for those suffering and terrified and blind.
I remember, I can not see the entire picture yet…
but I know that I can’t fathom understanding until I get real with Him and take a good look at it, it starts inside me.
To make tomorrow better.
We remember you who went into a hellfire, those who sacrificed to help those who weren’t their own, if we could just come together as a Family…than your ultimate price wouldn’t be for naught.
May their memory be a blessing
and may we not be blind to the truth of
who the enemy really is.
The one who tears down not merely physical buildings…
but lives, families, hopes…with lies.
Fall into the arms of the Father of Truth and Life and get real today.
September 2, 2017
how can it be
are still giving gifts
every Sabbath I think
about those which did precede
your flight and return
to He to He
Who holds my heart beside these flames
Who waters your memory in my mind, it remains
this scarf you gave
in your scent bathed
covers my soul
as the aroma of the flor
feminine and precious
your gifts once again
remind me, you are always within me my friend
these prayers in my hands
couldn’t have been grasped
at a more perfect time within His plan
in Elul I approach
ready to fully face my reproach
and crown as King the One in Whom I boast
bestowing gifts from Heaven
as I bathe in Sabbath light
every week arrives from the perspective
and proximity to that Sabbath you took flight
to He to He
Almighty carry me,
as I emerge from under this scarf mikveh’ed with precious love
my legs shall only work,
with Your assistance from above
Mirjam, still giving me gifts. Susan, caretaker and preserver of her precious spirit and memory. You’re beautiful. Both of you. I love you so much. Thank you for my early birthday gift. I will tell you soon how timely it is! Mirjam, you already know.
Blessed are You my King and God and Helper, Shield and Lover of a broken soul…rectification I seek. Truth I pursue…I can only find it when I am here with You.
August 23, 2017
what was he like,
generous and kind.
I asked you to recount more memories,
but they were hard to find.
A little girl dandled on the knees
reflection shimmering in her abba’s eyes.
Did you call him Vati or Tate or Tatínek…
for your family weidled several languages
but most fluently, the gracious tongue of love
little things that took you from simple to far above
like when a little girl declared “everyday is my birthday!”
and father gladly made this ritual more than a game to play
sacred time between the two of you
it would only take a few minutes to do
a little “party” to celebrate,
blowing out candles on an imaginary cake
he even brought a little gift, for his love
precious sweet doted upon Mirjam
an orange, flower, coin, or treat
this is a man I wish I could meet
but he died within the walls of a camp
he got ill from the conditions,
suffering while the world seemed not to give a damn
this man who made life so beautiful
leaving envelopes with needed money, a void becoming full
welcoming in hungry Shabbos guests
housing those who needed much rest…
and the candles and song for the imaginary birthday daily
indeed makes this single extracted memory extraordinary
today is your birthday.
You remembered everyone else…but we never really got to celebrate. Sometimes I’d ask you and the date, was vague. Was it August or September you didn’t seem to want to know. It wasn’t until you were gone, that the records did show… if you were here I wouldn’t bake you a cake. You “weren’t one for cake” but I’d bring you ice cream, coffee flavored, extra cold… I’d pray before we’d eat. I’d thank God for your life, for allowing you to come to this moment in time. I’d thank Him for blessing so many people through your light. I’d worship Him for allowing our destinies to intertwine. I miss you sweet Mirjam, and if you were here… I’d ask you to tell me again about your family so dear.
Then I’d thank you for becoming my own.
Happy Birthday Mirjam- to heaven flown.
“It was then that I declared every day to be my birthday.
My father would play along. Take me on his lap. Give me little gifts. My father survived until liberation but died one week later. Sachsenhausen, too weak to do anything.”
August 22, 2017
I found my heart
the missing piece
the hollowed part
full once more
what did it take
freedom to fall and make mistakes
to get back up and seek the light
what can I say, this took a long time
I know it is not over yet
even upon my return to the earth I remain imperfect
can I live to choose to find the joy
to cling to the moments that once passed me by
Your magnificent, loving beautiful hold
taught me who I was by showing me my true role
I can fly today
tomorrow I may crash
but I am not defined by my past
I can create love that will last and last
now with a whole heart, and fear down cast
I told her, I found my heart today…
It was lost?
Well not completely, but I found the missing pieces.
Like a partial eclipse…
And it’s comments like that…
just like that
August 22, 2017
beautiful children bringing
laughter, simplicity, smiles
by what grace did these
remain without disease
of hatred pain and malaise…
I stand in that garden and cry
like a statue I can’t move
all I do is wonder why
Why?…little angels precious Jewels
only mine are here
and yours were stolen
murdered and burned
for no offence no crime…
Just children sent to the pits of ‘hell’
now each memorial butterfly
bears a name to tell…
about a time when justice fell…
no wings of deliverance to carry them to safety
every laugh ringing conjuring a memory
you are not forgotten, little angels in innocence….
rest peacefully in eternity, I feel how much your lives meant
August 18, 2017
thanks are much in order
to the King who aptly balances the worlds woes upon His ‘shoulder’
I am a worm, nothing, aside from You…turn my foot
not to the right
not to the left
but on the ancient path You set
I will marvel and travel and revel in it
when will I learn
no matter what happens…
in the foulest of places, there are traces
to be a budding shoot in the field you have planted
where the bees move indiscriminately dropping flakes of dust bringing to life, not taking any growth for granted…
where one flower doesn’t sniff at another
nor bend away at the next one’s pain…
just one solid field of color where Your preeminence Reigns
the odor of my offering
is the perfume of my fruit
where nothing conceived, nothing fostered, nothing born has any likeness aside from You…
turn my foot, not to what I think is right
not toward whatever is left
return me to the Ancient Garden
and I will rest in it…
Baruch Shem Kavod Malchuto L’olam v’ed
August 15, 2017
the woman at the grocery store, she checked us out both times we were together
I remembered as I slowed the pace, placing thawing goods onto the conveyor
I wondered if she’d ever listen to my thoughts
how simple a thing to remember
you were once there
now you’re not
Bigger things send me into a whirl
pulling up to your place
with the emergency vehicles in a row
remembering when you fell, and they were called
for you…how I followed
remembering how humiliated you said you’d be,
when each and every person was only filled
with a prayer for recovery
and questions spiked with dread
But you came back home for a while
what I wouldn’t do to walk beside you
down the grocery aisle
or wave to you as
red doors folded shut
how I wish you
but you are not.
I pray for everyone out there who has loved and lost, those who battle depression. It’s like a storm that is continually following you, chasing you down no matter where you go. I’d have no weaponry to fight back, no vehicle to move me out of it and into the light for warmth for even a moment…had it not been for You. Still, I grow weary of the fight…it makes me worn out, I have too much to do.
August 12, 2017
Greatness- meeting a child despite their fall. Showing Your love despite it all. In the backslide You showed me what was deep inside…made completely up, fully convinced my heart and mind. I didn’t doubt You. Didn’t seek to hurt You. Just an experiment but it wasn’t for nought. Because You spoke into my every thought. I am consumed…completely sold out for You. I didn’t run so that I could be free to wildly rage or tune out carving distance…I ran to see if You’d call me back. A little detour along the way…made so much more beautiful where I have arrived. Here my King, here I will faithfully stay. I will need Your help every moment of every day. This is the outcome of becoming temporarily blind- knowing how desperately lost without You I’d be, wandering…falling…sick and sad…empty. Greatness- everything that You do. Thank You Almighty King of my everything, Thank You.
Not wanting to be ‘religious’ doesn’t mean you can not have relationship with God which is what it is all about. Relationship. Over the years I have sinned and rebelled and He has brought be back from the edge of insanity and the abyss and given me far more than I could imagine. I tremble sometimes at the responsibility and humbling honor it is to be His. Completely His. Shalom- which means completeness…being whole before God and man…it’s all anyone can strive for, ongoing until the end… I ‘found’ Him through the purity and incredibility of his word through the real life experiences that were salvation- life saving love just pure love experiences that are not explicable. I just want to know this precious holy sacred book of laws that give us a glimpse at the lawgiver and his nature and that’s all I want to do…seek him and then try and make real relationships and help this messed up world one person at a time. He hears your heart. He knows you inside out…and we can’t hide from Him. But that’s not meant to be scary…he’s asking “ayecha” like to Adam and Chavah…all he asks is “where are you?” What do you feel, where are you hurting, where are you angry- be honest- where are you? That’s what that means…people think you can’t say “damnit God- I am hurt! or I am mad- or why? Why?” But He wants to hear….that is going through the proper channels because He is in CHARGE of it all. When we submit to Him knowing He is all Love then things start to make sense. They don’t hurt less but we can understand better WHY they hurt. Then there’s trust then there’s relationship and again…that’s what God want’s not only a church….not a homegroup….not a dotted line or signed confession…day by day you and Him working through that very day.
I can not imagine what you have gone through I can not live it. I can not advise you because I have no point of reference. All I know is that is why it is so very important to get back to the source. The BEST weapon of the destroyer (there IS a destroyer bent relentlessly on our demise all of us…any human being with the spark of God and that is EVERY human being) …is to say- “you’re to messed up…you’ve gone too far…you can’t find God, He wouldn’t even want you and then what if He did what would you owe Him…what would you have to do…..” the Liar plays upon our pain and our past…he makes it appear as if it rules us and defines us….
but it is now, right now. Doesn’t it take a long time to turn your life around?
Just one moment to say…everything is lost nothing makes sense and really believe that there is someone listening who can help. And who DESPERATELY wants to help. You are His child. I offer nothing that looks great
Once you find God for real…things don’t get better
they get harder. The liar attacks your faith and belief he attacks your family and your children your reputation your peace
peace (being whole)
but somehow…when you ask Him in to take charge of everything you’ve messed up trying to figure it out or block it out or sort it out on your own….
Then He’s in charge and no matter what happens you always come back to the right Place. He is that Place and no matter what the abuse or pain…He’s there WITH YOU. Never gone. Never absent….
I can’t explain….suicidal, drunk, ravaged, even ‘possessed’…nothing is too hard or too far from Him. Just ask. That’s all it takes and a broken heart….is an open heart. FEELING is His business.
But what is the bottom line?
Do we want to be with Him, in His favor, in Love with Him forever? Well that starts now. Right now. And it won’t be pretty or perfect. But the desire….not for the fruit beyond the boundary He placed for our protection…to first comprehend, to “know Him” before we jump in….don’t wait to trust Him. If I could define what I think God wants you to know in one word it is Love. No MATTER WHAT love. That NEVER fails.
Just words….I know that’s not enough. You’ll have to take it up with Him. He’s listening. And you are loved.
So there is an enemy??
The bible Identifies him but he has NO power. NONE. He has but what we give him by making bad choices.
He tempts he lies he whispers twisted nothings in our ears at the opportune time
and then we choose.
God made him
Why would he make him…?
I don’t know why except for the opportunity for Light to shine
How can we see light?
Unless it is dark
How can we choose
unless there is a choice to be made
He (God) made it so that we can choose
therefore there must be another way
He presents us with the options
then we choose
otherwise we are robots or animals.
Just know in the end there is a victor.
Therefore, my beloved, just as you have always obeyed, not only in my presence, but now even more in my absence, continue to work out your salvation with fear and trembling. For it is God who works in you to will and to act on behalf of His good pleasure. Do everything without complaining or arguing,so that you may be blameless and pure, children of God without fault in a crooked and perverse generation,a in which you shine as lights in the world as you hold forth the word of life, in order that I may boast on the day of Messiah that I did not run or labor in vain. Philippians 2; 12-16
August 8, 2017
I don’t know if it can be helped
I need to finally take off the sheets and blankets
from your bed…
I’ve clung to them as I slept
washing away your scent
has been an unbearable notion
because when I breathe in
comes a powerful wave of emotion
what will happen when God forbid…
that becomes less…and less
I want to hold you but I can’t
these memories are trapped…
enwrapped with your fragrance
that just to breathe…
the perfume becomes a paintbrush
fancifully gracefully powerfully skillfully crafting
a precious vital tapestry
there you are in a gasp
in front of my eyes
I can even sense the touch of your hand
how could I wash down the drain a capacity such as that!
It makes me afraid
and want to cry
to think about what other things
might become harder and harder to try
to remember, to retain, to surrender…what remains?
I know your essence as part of me
can not be conserved or captured
in a bundle of blankets and sheets…
when I hold them close
I can almost
hear you speak
I know you’d ne’er want it to be
that I’d break my heart over such a thing
but I can’t help it
this is indeed
the saddest load of laundry
there ever could be
July 31, 2018
If it were based upon strength and health and constance…
I would have gone to the left
and to death…
these are my thoughts on the eve of TishB’av
How can I expect to endure
when my physical Temple is so neglected?
I keep saying, tomorrow…or soon.
I’ll go out into creation more, get fresh air more, be in awe at the creation of my Creator more…tomorrow.
I’ll nourish my prayer life and water my children’s spiritual growth…tomorrow, soon.
Soon I’ll make sure we go on more outings and that I join my family in their activities outdoors….soon.
Tomorrow’s already too late to put back up the metal detectors, to expel the thorn in your eyes, to chant a Psalm to Hashem or get married there under a Chuppah without fear….
And if I am the Temple of the Living God how can I expect to build up before I am first emptied out….
how many times did I vilify Hashem’s hand in my life by verifying non power to a powerless Enemy!!
Powerless is he, the only true enemy became myself when I gave into the lies of the one who seeks my demise.
When I hearkened, decelarating in the wake of “legalism!” “void” “fulfilled”…this is when I bowed to lethargy in my walk, I fell asleep and died.
I give in to this world when excusing and deferring that which I KNOW should be done today… until ‘soon’.
That’s when I died, when I rejected the discipline of my Father.
Mourning the destruction of the Temple before I had even bothered to construct and oversee….
I can not build until I am emptied out.
I give now into Your hands everything You do not find favor in…sadness and bitterness, sloth and complacency….
take away all my excuses and deferring that which I KNOW should be done today… until ‘soon’.
May He return soon in our days….?
Lord we need You now.
We’re not ready.
We will never be ready.
We need You today.
We ask that You come and turn this day
a day You, through Your Holy Prophet Zechariah called
the Fast of the Fifth…
mourning all the atrocities
committed by in ancient times
and committed against Your people
on this day
throughout the centuries
TO THIS DAY…
turn it into the last time we have to cry
the last time we say…tomorrow, or soon….
the last day innocent children are abused or killed….
the last chance for the blind to see
and save us.
And Heal us, and swallow up death,
and rule from Your Holy City, from the Place where Your glory
WILL once again reside.
Give us more strength of heart for all that will need to be accomplished….
in case You continue to linger,
and do not come tomorrow,
and to not return soon…
Help me, help every single one of Your people….
to become emptied, cleansed, prepared and rebuilt.
A place where daily offerings will rise and become a pleasing expression of compliance before You,
surrendering our wills, desires, feelings, goals, accomplishments to Yours
at Your feet.
Reverse the evil decrees conspired against us and save us.
The sword will whirl against their cities,
And will demolish their gate bars
And consume them because of their counsels.
So My people are bent on turning from Me.
Though they call them to the One on high,
None at all exalts Him.
How can I give you up, O Ephraim?
How can I surrender you, O Israel?
How can I make you like Admah?
How can I treat you like Zeboiim?
My heart is turned over within Me,
All My compassions are kindled.
Hosea 11; 6-8
July 27, 2017
precious piece forever bound to the one I desperately miss
I feel you mourn beyond the many miles betwixt
the tears, the fears, the questions with which
in small inequivalent ways I can be empathetic
I thought today of your sentiment
about the little things that have become most relevant
I found my little thing today my friend,
I pulled open one of the drawers of her ‘memorial chest’
I wanted to hold something she’d touched & breathe in a recollection
the scarf, she wore for a survey of days before entering her rest
how vulnerable, and absolutely adorable she looked in it
but that little thing became a sign of the state she was in
it reminds me of how neatly she wore her hair
smoothed and styled, brushed and arranged with care
only in the hospital beds, behind that little scarf
did her lovely soft curls dare
show their natural shape, gently kissing her face…
she asked me to tie it ‘tighter’ into place
Something so small…takes me swiftly back into her tidy grace
she delicately leaned forward to assist me
in what I never dreamed would turn out to be
such a remarkably important moment and memory,
making sure I didn’t accidentally yank a hair misplaced….
I asked “Is that okay?”
“That’s great.” She’d respond in her usual thankful way.
When I was getting ready to leave,
…was that the time she said?
“What am I going to do without you?”
Such a small thing can free the holdings once secured
that scarf has now become an indispensable little thing
binding me to her
She was moved to a room she didn’t like,
I brought her books, she couldn’t read she said because there was no light.
I showed that she really could and there was a light by her bed
but the chord was torn, too short…so I tied the scarf there instead.
She could easily see it, I told her, and now she could reach it too.
It was a little solution I prayed would be a glimmer of hope…
that she could still reach out for something from within herself to do…
I prayed with her at that time
about a King Who is eternally kind,
I told her how much I wanted her to bounce back
but knew if she was ready and it was by His design…
she’d be okay, either way, then I took her hand in mine.
“Thank you for everything.” She said, I pray I responded…
No, thank YOU.
That was the last time I saw that little scarf until after her work here was through.
I searched for it in the ‘final bag’ of things that came home without her.
It wasn’t there, oh how I longed for it… I imagined it still tied in that dark room.
By fate I returned, by destiny I noticed a tiny familiar patch of color…
There I was all alone in the apartment she once effortlessly brought to life
clutching a little sacred scarf in that place being emptied and I cried….
I cried in thanks for that little gift that meant to much so me
I cried because I know it was a gesture of God’s compassionate mercy.
Thinking of the little things you have brought to my plane
I know not how to best comfort you, know that things will never be the same
Remember. Love. She’s a part of you… bound to every single day
July 24, 2017
an image is worth a thousand words
the volumes this provokes inside of me
how can I explain how this moment captured
tells an ineffable, restrained, palpitating story
all the thoughts of that which cannot be said
all the sorrows of what might have been done instead
all the regrets of unearthed cache’s left hidden under the bed
of the dust you returned to, what pages remain unread…
the beauty of your memorial
left me swept up in wave of love I could reach out and hold
there was worthwhile chatter,
and a rush of continued sentiments to be told….
then I glanced over at you
clasped hands gently resting, head bowed, fixed gaze
upon the image of a loved one, that is all that remains
a picture in mind, and a sustained part
of an active, growing, inquisitive heart.
“I love her. Why couldn’t I go see her more oft?”
Tiny prickles of pain in highly impressional spot.
No one instructed you to feel this way.
No expectation upon your reaction was placed.
Raw, real, cellular, alive…
this pure moment of introspection probed to the depths of my
and this picture
worth a thousand words
expresses the unprobed fathoms of the loss of her…..
July 24, 2018
Oh how I prayed
for a perfect day
how many can say
everything went the way
it was planned and exceeded
even when I thought about it, dreamed it
I wouldn’t have believed that
it would be so perfectly bittersweet
Bitter for you are gone
sweet because of all who longed
to honor your amazing memory
and I truly believe
you would have loved every moment
every motion, every song, every sentiment
I know you’d nod approvingly over all the effort spent
the effort truly was effortless
for what came forth was absolutely organic
pure and Divine
I laughed as hard as I cried
learned how much you meant to so many lives
and felt you smiling from deep inside
with front row seating
with the Best View
I could feel you in me, I know this day was the perfect way
to remember and appreciate you
July 17, 2017
Someone said the wave will crash
it will hit you where expected last
tonight it struck with my children in my lap
watching a series which brings comfort and helps us relax
in this, the last episode of the program
there was a deep abiding friendship between a young
married father and a very old man
they’d done everything together, weathered all seasons
hand in hand
the elder’s time had come and so his friend
carried him in a blanket and laid him down in his own bed
it was winter still and so…
they slept beside one another
so he wouldn’t get cold
and I think also because…He didn’t want his friend to be alone.
In the morning the whole ‘family’ gathered around
to listen to him breathe, they hung on every sound
for a moment his breath drew terribly slow
he gently awoke
said goodbye and gently let go…
his friend wasn’t one to keep his emotions from being shown
he was strong and brave and always….
always the one in control.
He ran to the tall thick wooden door and then
he bashed and bashed and bashed his head….
repeating, “He was always here…” until it turned red
again, and again, “He was always here.
But now he’s gone!”He said.
He cried and cried until he was a tearfully, snotty mess.
His wife responded, “You can be in control of a lot of things…
but you can’t control this.
People are born and then they die, what’s so unexpected?”
“Because,” he said, “he was always here, now he’s gone…
and I miss him. I miss him.”
Of course I cried.
I couldn’t stop
the tears poured out.
My son turned to me and naively asked,
“What are your tears all about?”
“Because,” I said, ” I know how he feels.”
Exactly how he feels.
But not all of us have a door to bash,
or a forehead strong as steel.
How did it end, for this man,
who lost his precious friend…
his daughter came and sat beside
she said, “You’ll feel better when spring arrives.”
I , couldn’t help it as I thought of my heart
and all I have kept locked inside….
No, I couldn’t help it
I continued to cry
My son asked again,”Why?”
Then my sweet love took my hand and gently replied
“She’s thinking of her again.”
And the warmth of his hand in mine
made me sure I’d surface once again
once this unexpected wave subsides
and somewhere someday I’ll feel better too…
when my “springtime” arrives.
July 13, 2017
who has flown…
what is it like near the heavenly throne?
Can you see what it’s been like down here?
Can you hear me whisper,
can you feel my tears?
Would any goings on here even occur to one there?
When I breathe I can smell you,
when I eat I recall
how you kept your hands in your lap
how you ignored calls
“The phone never rings,” you’d say just as I sat down…
“Now it’s grand central station.” With rolled eyes and
a mock frown.
Oh my dear one
who has flown…
my one comfort is to Know who you Know
and to know that you are safe in His abode
sometimes without you I feel all alone
with these memories
some of the questions you’d ask
was I too quick to answer, did I come off as brash
“…and they say, ‘How would a good God do it that way?'”
“Because He’s also a just God.” Is that what I’d say?
Just a taste, of the meaning that inundated our days
together, I miss them.
I miss them today.
I’ll miss them, I’ll miss you, I miss you always.
My dear one,
now that you have flown…
I have no where to visit, no placard, no stone.
Where I could offer prayers and tears that would rise
to your heavenly habitation
there is no grey in this pain, only stark exclamation
something I don’t know how to express
something’s I know, to survive, I must repress
so I’ll carve your name into this little tablet on my chest
and take you with me everywhere
a symbol of what was already going to happen within me
only this time, you’re not just in but hanging near my heart
for everyone to see
so that maybe they might enquire
and I’d share a memory
about my dear one
who has flown
July 8, 2017
can it be
only three or is it four
it can’t be more
because in fact
I’ve not really been able…to look back
much less keep track
of how many Sabbaths
I pined at this table
worrying after your welfare
I still cannot believe you’re not here
I lit a candle tonight for you
I think there’ll always need to be one to
prove to my heart as I say the sweet prayers
you’re not there
you’re really…not there
yesterday I broke down a bit
all your things assembled on my porch
I crumbled into the chair in which I’d always sit
there you were before me, memories I didn’t force
the sadness knowing
it will never, ever be as it was
still, silent, beauty in the setting sun
I imagined your arm around
as I soaked my cheeks
still…not enough to drown
I want to dive in
to be real with You Lord
only You can open my heart
hidden chamber never
I’m already weary from hiding
let these open wounds outpour
I know You’ll be there beside
my trembling, bumbling, mess on the floor
how compassionate You are
I’d have turned away
much sooner, long before
they say love grown in soil enriched with pain
bears the best fruit
I’ll leave that in the the hands of time
and the very best Judge- You.
These prayers are so beautiful, we’ll read them and light for Mirjam every Sabbath:
We recall with affection those who no longer
walk this earth, grateful to God for the gift of
their lives, for their sweet companionship, and for the cherished memories which endure. May
God comfort all who mourn. May He grant
them strength to see beyond their sorrow, and
sustain them in their grief. In solemn testimony
to that unbroken faith which links our
generations one to another…
In recalling our dead of blessed memory, we
confront our loss with faith by raising praise
God’s name in the assembly, praying that all
people throughout the world recognize His
kingship soon. For when His sovereignty is felt in the world
peace, blessing and song fill the world,
as well as great consolations.
Glorified and sanctified be God’s great name throughout the world
which He has created according to His will.
May He establish His kingdom in your lifetime and during your days,
and within the life of the entire House of Israel, speedily and soon;
and say, Amen.
May His great name be blessed forever and to all eternity.
Blessed and praised, glorified and exalted, extolled and honored, adored and lauded be the name of the Holy One, blessed be He, beyond all the blessings and hymns, praises and consolations that are ever spoken in the world; and say, Amen.
May there be abundant peace from heaven, and life, for us
and for all Israel; and say, Amen.
He who creates peace in His celestial heights,
may He create peace for us and for all Israel;
and say, Amen.
July 6, 2017
This image hung upon your wall
twas nearly all
that was left when I was there last …
I wonder what you thought of when you looked at her
I feel as though I have become her
she looks exhausted yet like there is so much that must be done
she looks as though something haunts her,
like she doesn’t know what to do
she looks passionate and intense but unable to really feel
I wonder what she gazes at
is it someone still there or something gone?
I wonder what she feels…
like within me, it is unclear
why have my eyes not been able to rid themselves of the tears
when will I be free
to come undone
to find a lasting peace
may she find it
this girl in the field
I love you.
I love you.
Three little words….
I hope I said them enough.
I hope you know I meant them so much…
I hope you heard them as we called them to you…
I know you did…
Your heart showed us you did….
three little words often taken for granted
often spewed out nearly forgotten
oft one’s left the room before they’ve even landed…
three little words some rarely hear
some would borrow, steal, beg for
these three little words to embrace their ear
but how enormous the value of these words become
when they are uttered in truth, veracity, real…love
you weren’t always mushy when we expressed them to you
the beauty is you waited until you said them and they were really true
I’d rather wait eternity
to know how you really feel
than grasp for a moment, like sand in a sieve
something…that wasn’t truly real
but I didn’t have to wait
I found your heart in the book I gave
from the Master of Grace
Who has answered so many of my prayers.
June 29, 2017
I am so afraid to forget
and so I feel quite suddenly frantic
frantically terribly sad
I don’t want to forget the touch of your hand
the best matzah roast beef sandwich I ever had
how you asked me to tie your scarf tighter around your head
how quickly, the thick book I lent, you read
How fast can I write
before memories flash
I’m afraid to lose even one from my grasp
the way you bowed your head the last time we prayed
how you ‘walked us out’ and seemed to want us to stay
how you taught us the ‘queen Elizabeth wave”
and all the funny things you’d say
how you told Malachi while in the hospital bed
while he wheeled in your chair
that he’d better beware
if he rolled past the edge
he might end up dead
“kaboom!” went the bomb you animated with your hands
we looked at each other and smiled and laughed
I heard you laugh
how did it sound
I’m afraid to forget
so I’ll write it all down
how you’d make a tiny special seat
for each of Kayalynn’s babies at the table while we’d eat
how the two of you played footsies underneath
she’d look at you, come close, and kiss your cheek
she’d let one of them stay with you when we’d leave
then we’d switch it out the following week
there must be a few still in your room I think
they all came with us
for our last retreat
when we came, beside you, we came to be
to say goodbye to the most unique
special, beautiful, precious love
they stayed polite and quiet and slept over with us
if you’d have noticed them youd’ve probably protested
you never liked too much clutter in the rooms where you rested
I know you knew we were there
I know you loved us though you couldn’t declare
I know now the sad reality of when you said:
“See you here, there, or in the air…”
For me it is sad, but in time I will rejoice.
These memories are your voice.
I am afraid to lose
and so I’ll write
until I’ve come undone…
June 28, 2017
praying lighting thinking of
remembering longing for precious love
I turn around when the tears fall down
then breathe in and breathe out
roll back over, my pillow pinch
I still can not believe that this…
is the only way I can look at you
we still had so much more to do
I speak for myself, I know you lived full
survived, learned to thrive, on heart strings pulled
so many admirers surrounded your roll
in humility, in humor, in compassion and control
not a menial word wasn’t balanced out with profundity
what am I today, without you beside me
look at you sparkling smile
in the sea of blue
in that holiest of places where dreams come true
look at you soft skin
dipping tender toes in
in the heart of the world still awash in sin
look at you rare beauty
from within dazzling all about
I turn away no longer…
let these tears fall out
there’s an endless supply locked away in stores and dammed
I can release them in an instant, and with effort pull them back
sometimes I feel ashamed because I know up there you dance
how can someone know this, and yet feel so very sad
I still feel your arm around me as tearfully I asked
“how am I supposed to imagine, imagine that?”
a day without you Mirjam, and this is what you said…
“We are all just passing through.”
And eternity is without end.
how many I wasted in vain
on selfish contrivance on worthless despair…
these are why tears were made
they are worth every drop
distilled from pain
pain of loss and happiness for what will never go away
I went on today with life…
hanging clothes on the line
taking down that which was already dry
I pulled down the wool dress you gave to me
held it to my face and breathed
I feared it would no longer smell like you
but it did
but it did
my whole being smiled, I could pretend to hold and feel you
that dress didn’t lose
and in this moment contains the proof
of what wont be hard to recollect
the moments and memories that we spent
I don’t think I’ll wash it again
just in case
I don’t want your memory to fade
best I ever spent
distilled from the most beautiful scent
June 26, 2017
The sweetest lady I have ever known
This is how I saw her last
head upon a pillow
drifting into peace
and rest that will
last and last.
I want to hear your
He gives you breath
outside, the empty
even the flags have gone to bed
and just like them
you’ll rise again
with the dawning of the Son
June 26, 2017
“You must be the niece…”
the doctor came in and he said,
I heard about you there beside her bed
a niece I am
indeed a niecely honor
” a daughter, a friend…
a lonely wanderer
without she in the bed”
but I just smile and nod my head
-“Yes.” a niece I’ll be instead
June 26, 2017
What We Had
arm cuff dangling on your bed
with remnants of the blood that you shed
why was it so important before
God why can’t it be important anymore?
“Let them flow into your own
private river of pain…”
don’t let them show
until hers is no more
good advice I simply…
Even the framed photo
on the wall is of a stream
beside a forest, lush and green
what do they think when choosing?
“That would be nice to die beside.”
It isn’t as though I didn’t know
now it is myself I despise…
for the things I never…
never made you breakfast in bed
never brought you to my house,
like we said…
suddenly as I grasp this pen
trying to contemplate all the “never’s” we have…
I realize there was so much that “we had”
we had lunch together
we had talked for hours at your house
we went to the movies, to the park, all about…
we had heavy, meaningful
we had sweets,
we had laughs,
phone calls, shared dreams, confidance, realizations.
We had love and a special
kisses, hugs, deep friendship
in you my dearest I have it all
so why wouldn’t I be joyful…you know?
that stream really is quite beautiful.
June 26, 2018
What once resembled morse code
now looks like sparse
peaks along a lengthening
strong one, it’s okay to let go
strong one, let your strength wax low
resistance need not
you have well done
what you came here for
June 17, 2017
if it’s your time,
then you’ll go away
but never ever go away.
How could I have expected it to be this way.
I’d been there before I brought you with me
but now everywhere I look, you’re all I see,
all I feel, everything I need.
Letting go, they say…
is the right thing to do,
but like a heartbroken teen, pining away in a locked room
I listen to ‘our song’ and think about nothing but you.
The way your soft hair glimmered as you rolled along
the smile that graced your beautiful face
your blue eyes shining,
a wave of light flashing across them when we came….
With me every place
drifting now peacefully in a haze
because I am far away
and left only to imagine your day
I can not be near you today
you’ll still hear these things
if that is true, then I’ll write a song to sing
when you’re dancing in the heavens
stroking Eagles wings
properly acquainted with the Master of all dreams
ask Him to lend a dose of comfort to me
for I will need all the comfort I can get
if it hurts this bad, and I have not even lost you yet…
I taste longing for tomorrow
and fight off invading bouts of sorrow.
What do they have to say about how…
to learn to live without
it’s the right thing to do.
But as they speak they don’t know what I have with you.
I know they mean well with the things they say…
and I know it’s not up to them to heal this pain.
I know that when parted we’ll be reunited again.
It is hard to hear everything
June 9, 2017
Then And Now.
Seven decades ago
when you were hiding in that room
You didn’t know about me
I didn’t know about you
but God preserved you
and later created me
and throughout the journey
He designed that we should meet
from birth we were fashioned
in such a form that would connect
the roads we’ve walked
in some rare ways paralleled, our souls
destined to intersect
I fall to the floor like
a garment all used up
stained and dirty
as His magnificence is
you became the reason for me
to get prepared
you gave me beautiful dresses
and a place for them to wear
who would have believed
what memories we’d share
I don’t know how our time matched up for you
but with in me it was beyond compare
never could I dream to
hold a friendship so rare
that surpassed the
sanctity of mere time or place…
what precious cargo we bear
take me with you
I want to go
can I hide in your
take me with you
because without you
I will never be…
not without you any place.
June 2, 2017
I can’t even brush the edge of the corner of the letter a which begins that word
now that is entirely in my own control, what bothers, what seems contrary…is relative to what I myself allow to take hold.
if I believe
that One is all and all means everything
then nothing else moves, drives or operates me
when the bottom drops out
when my hands are tied
that is the hardest word to capture, and abide inside
can I feel sorry for myself ?
Is that allowed?
I think, yes…when I am rolled in a ball, at the Foot of the One in Whose care I can always be sure
I Am found
He is holy, but its not the tears of a child He despises
from His lips flow comfort, understanding, and room for each one of us to “find it”
He uncurls my ball
so that I can look up
and see the wonder in it all
He didn’t take me here to make me miss something else
He didn’t allow what happened to be
that I am left standing, wondering at what…
do I grasp?
If I believe that One is all and all means everything
then not only through this death
wink He bring new life
but in one place that I wither
somewhere else, it’s the beginning of blossoming
or filed away for later
serve a purpose in their perfect timing
when it is He Whose breath expresses lessons that much greater
You leave the sweetest taste
inside my being as I run this race
my flame may not be seen while it is day
so I await
Roll the curtain of Peace, Shadow and Shelter
over my heart
and every single place
April 10, 2017
who could ask for anything more
motivated I felt You call me long before
I arrived at this eve, I can not believe
it is happening so fast….what a wonder
why, the best is yet to come
sitting down at a banquet for kings, basking in His love
freedom, I taste it…I smell it in the air
and nothing is hidden when I abide in You there.
A journey it is
it always is
when you journey inward, and face your sin
it’s not comfortable or pleasant
but in the end all you feel is refreshment
like a new set of garments
like an adventure you’ve long awaited
I am on the threshold of this night, how I have longed- anticipated.
You’ve shown me the truth, and the irony in it once more….
while I was feverishly sweeping up crumbs in once spot
somewhere else, there was cereal tossed all across the floor…
all my preparations
expectations are naught
if it was the point- EXPERIENCING You, that I forgot.
Now, I beckon You in, and await Your breath
may You wrap Your wings around me and
take until there’s none of me left.
Come close to my heart, I’ve prepared a place for You…
this is the entire purpose
of all the preparations
and experience with You.
“…the best meat, beautiful napkins, good clothes, that’s not going to bring Hashem into your home.
Shalom bayit, between husband and wife, that will bring Hashem into your home
Good food won’t bring Him to your table…
a pure heart is bringing Hashem to the table,
with tears of joy you bring Him to your table.
Not tears of joy that, “in the end He helped me to fix the table and the house”….No.
In the end I was with Hashem-
that’s the happiness, that’s the joy.
The light of righteous people is to be happy- no matter where you are, what you do, what you lack of- happy that you’re under the wings of Hashem.
That happiness is what will bring us to faith.”
– Rav Dror on Pesach and Hashem in the Heart
May 11, 2017
How do express across the boards
the depths of my esteem for the women I adore
there is something about each one of you in this composition
you need not wonder ‘was I in mind?’, it was you,
you were the one.
Motherhood starts with wonder-
how could it really be?
That I have become a vessel for creation
light to be witnessed and seen…
if there is anything good you see in me
it’s because I am a reflection of you
I have learned from how you live
and seen the reason behind the things that you do.
Then comes the realization,
I am not alive for myself anymore.
I can feel it in the way I walk,
I’ve been given more than I carried before.
Because of you I feel I can manage
because you’ve stood there by my side,
Helped me keep going when I felt weak and tired,
gave me the insight to remain inspired.
And with every good outcome, for every worthwhile gain
there is always some form, manifestation of pain.
As intensely we love, intensely we grieve…
I was never alone when brought down to my knees.
You’ve given me a limb to grasp onto, to clasp
when I believed in ‘succumb’, you reminded me:
pain doesn’t last.
Then in separation, when you’re left to digest
the fact that life’s forever changed, when I faced the
not only did you lend me notes,
but brewed a pot with which
we could stay up for hours until hope was accomplished.
Not only that but when I felt I couldn’t lift a lid
you tucked me in, and let me sleep, and took the wheel instead.
What is a mother, what is a sister, a daughter,
who is a true friend…
someone who can envision the best
despite what you actually do
and helps you reach out toward lofty goals
who catches and caresses you
when the leap becomes a little too bold
who shares a commonality
in some genuine character quality
but also relishes the differences…
who forgives you
I can not thank you with words,
not with phrases or rhymes…
not in gifts, devotion, dedication of time.
Just this promise, perhaps it will bless your life,
as you have so immensely enriched, enhanced,
adorned all of mine.
Whether through blood, or the binding coming from Above
your love is essential to everything I see, feel and do…inseparably etched
I am only me…because I am a part of you.
Happy mother’s day (early)
May 20, 2017
To celebrate Shabbat is to share in holiness:
the presence of eternity, a moment of majesty,
the radiance of joy, enhancement of the soul.
To celebrate Shabbat is to realize freedom.
Shabbat reminds us that we are all royalty,
that all mortals are equal, children of God.
To celebrate Shabbat is to surpass limitations.
We can sanctify time and redeem history,
affirm the world without becoming its slaves.
To celebrate Shabbat is to sing its melody.
We delight in the song of the spirit, the joys of the good,
the grandeur of living in the face of eternity.
To celebrate Shabbat is to sense God’s Presence.
He sustains us even when our spirits falter.
May we deepen our spirituality and expand our compassion
as we praise our Creator for the holiness of Shabbat.
This is why I love Shabbat
one of its myriad of reasons…
it’s light is anticipated all week long.
Longed for, planned for….
while we carry on
Shabbat is coming this we know….
and once it arrives we bask in the glow.
But the light remains
(as yours did when you were gone my table was alight with the lives who blessed our home).
It continues and is certain, as nothing else in this work a day world seems to be…
It is the proof that we are truly free.
And the One Who freed us resides in its shine,
peaceful, fulfilling, meaning full, Divine.
The very meaning of Shabbat is to become “re-souled”.
Once the spark is ignited one can’t help but take hold….
and secret, well known, is that the light remains….
through the night, through the week
throughout all of our days.
What a God we serve Who longs after our refreshment and rest.
I praise You Almighty, to be Your servant is
Thank you friends for making this week special
March 31, 2017
I forgot every offence
every time you lacked tenderness.
And in the moment I also
lost my self rue
it was only for me
and I gave everything to You
Now I understand
the walls of the Altar
why the evident blood
was a constant reminder
that yes, for a moment
the world stood still
and my heart was perfect
and I abode in Your will
it was only a moment
but one You wanted to last
to recall and treasure
when I was able to
lean down and prepare for the due measure
yet because of Your mercy
the knife fell not to me
and I wasn’t ashamed
before all the eyes who could see
my confession became a safeguard and protection
in case anyone else turned
then they too could make use of this memory
when I drew near
Hashem, You’ve given me the most beautiful memory that will assist me on my quest, to grow, to not forget…
I think I understand more now.
How great You are to help me with this.
The most dramatic aspect, the spilling of the blood, is intended to serve as a symbolic reminder that the man who has sinned has, in a sense, forfeited his own life. It is the grace of God which will allow this person to achieve forgiveness. In this approach, it is not God who “needs” the offering, but man who needs to be rehabilitated. The blood of the animal which is sprinkled serves as a vivid reminder of man’s vulnerability. This “near death” experience is meant to be an impetus for spiritual growth, calling on man to sacrifice the animal within himself which allowed him to sin in the first place.In this view, the korban is a powerful cathartic experience which takes into consideration the psychological makeup of man.
The importance of the korban lies in the rehabilitation of man which is its intended result.
Judaism is a religion which sees value in the life of an animal. Animal sacrifice is not an expression of disregard for animals. Rather, it is a statement of the importance of human life: If the price to be paid for the rehabilitation of a person is the life of an animal, then it is not a high price. The key is in man’s rehabilitation, in his finding the image of God within him. Rabbi Ari Kahn – on Vayikra
the One Who gives You everything
Who wooed you from disaster
and held out a shimmering ring
a cycle, a knot, which would turn and shift in season
to the One Who told me He’d be there and gave my life true reason
You have never changed
You have not swayed
have not broken a single word,
I woke up today
oh lover of my soul
or was it in the middle of the night
to thank You and to praise You
for Your kindness, mercy, might….
why have You granted everything I’ve ever sought
how have you been so forgiving for the terrible times I fought
Your will, your love
binding me ever closer into truth
I am trembling
for it’s powerful
and I am so unworthy of You
teach me longer, how to be faithful to Your will
open up my heart and weave your spirit still
in times of silence and in times of thrill
where can I go from here
these terms are so much clumsier
than the unspoken words whispered between Loversrelationship, intimacy, how wonderful
the unfathomable truth
that God wishes this
for every single one of us.
I found awe again today.
Yeshua wrapped me in the indescribable love that makes everything make sense
when nothing makes sense.
And all it took was an instant.
the movies portray the story of Esther as a love saga.
But Hadassah was taken from her home and forced into a harem. What is portrayed as a beauty contest is a ‘prize’ that Hadassah was reluctant to win. She was chosen because she was so stand offish, men only want (especially arrogant usurping kings of men) what they ‘can’t have’.”When the turn of Esther came, she did not request anything” 1;15
Don’t forget that the banquet was a celebration that the Jewish people were not rebuilding the Temple, at the time before Purim…the people were given the chance to rebuild and for many, their exilic clothing had become too comfortable. Again, assimilation became dangerous and eventually the people around them turned on them.
“Letters were sent by couriers to all the king’s provinces [to the civilians] to destroy, to kill and to annihilate all the Jews, both young and old, women and children, in one day…” 3;13
Remember, Mordechai was more than just a cousin of Hadassah, it is likely he had taken her in a levarite type situation only he did not come into her. He cared for her. Hadassah put on Esther’s clothing and she gave up her entire life for her people. She could have taken the route that Vashti did, and say “over my dead body.” But she didn’t.
She sacrificed her purity, her future, her reputation, everything….for her people.
She gave the ultimate sacrifice a woman could.
She says, if I am lost I am lost. אָבַ֖דְתִּי אָבָֽדְתִּי “I have lost everything in this life, I am willing to loose my world to come too.”
She is a hero. Hero’s may not always have the glorious existence one might at first think.
God has a plan, and blessed are those who are faithful to that plan and their roles in it…despite their own personal conflict and pain. I am very blessed to know many women who have this hero spirit of Esther, Hadassah.
March 9, 2017
Someday you’ll know how much you touched this world.
I won’t wake up tomorrow the same.
I won’t be able to look at another day the same way.
Someone so small, so pure, so innocent….
someone who was not destined to live here….
made mountains move here.
That’s right little angel.
You moved this world without needing to step foot in it.
How powerful little lion…
and you broke hearts too….without a word.
Did you think that it was difficult when God split an entire vast raging wild and ferocious sea??
No. That was easy.
The true miracles are when hearts are broken.
that means open….
then He can somehow pour inside everything we need.
You’ve broken my lev, my heart, Libby.
Thank you sweet angel.
I didn’t know how small my woes had to become,
I didn’t realize the high places I was sacrificing on…
edifices of my own pride
the monuments for my own self absorbed life.
I didn’t understand how violently idolatrous I’d become.
with your purity
dethroned the person I set on my inner throne.
That was the self, I kept worshipping….
you’ve cast her to the feet of her true King.
And I pray He will have mercy on me.
I can’t remember when I had more need,
more guilt for the time I’ve been wasting
I look at your beautiful mother,
and all the plans she had for you.
I look at your loving family
who will have to wait till the next life
to try and grasp the “why” for this huge loss they’re going through.
I am ashamed to look.
I am ashamed to look.
The things I raved about yesterday,
the offenses I protested with an upraised arm….
the utter waste of useless, pointless words….
ownerless meaningless hours spent and gone….
who was I then?
You have changed me today.
I won’t wake up tomorrow the same.
Thank you, sweet Libby Ariel
for inspiring this break.
I will remember you forever.
And somehow try and honor your beautiful name.To the most beautiful mother I can ever think of. To a wonderful family in so much pain. In memory of a little life reunited with the source of her spark that lasted for much, much too short of stay here.
I can’t answer, I can’t respond, all I have are questions.
With her family I mourn.
February 3, 2017
nothing dark about You
no light…no truth
tell my thoughts
to be all about You
convince my heart
to never, ever doubt You
Let my life
revolve around YouI praise You for this perplexion
I know it will point me in the right direction
nullification of any sense of control
now I know, more, it is only You
and Your vast plan WILL unfold
King, one thing I do not know
is what to do now
how to pray
how to show…
the actions in accordance with Your will
if I know You at all, I know You’d ne’er will me to sit still
still where does ordinance collide with freewill
when do dreams become pieces to play in this puzzle of life
when does one just hold back & let majesty dictate the move “right”
whisper a hint to me sweet Maker
I weep at the thought of moving to the wrong space
whisper gently One I love
then I will know where You will me to be placed
nudge me Graceful Molder
tell my heart where You want it to go
for my vision is dim, grey, yet awaiting what You shall surely
tell me … its You
convince me …. its You
whisper a hint …. show me what to do
whisper gently One I love
tell my heart…. what it already knew….
grant me that Godly nudge, color in my vision
with the Light from above.
no one cares
nothing will change
all I have are questions
and wonder how far we will yet stray
can we extract all the poison
day after day an unsterile needle, the media leaks through
molding unpracticed unsharpened minds into senseless blobs of goo
‘I’m gonna do what the celebrities tell me to do’
they ignore the real injustices
bodies lying in the streets
but if anyone dares to vote and choose with their own voices
‘let’s go flood the capital with pink, the nation with true hate speech’
I do not understand it
why can’t it simply be
we can respect the reality
I’ll see it your way and if whisper ‘I don’t’
you’ll call me out of control and then ‘rationally’ defriend me?
this is life
you roll the dice
and up comes another question
I can not say that I know right
but I do know where to invest my belief
not knowing what tomorrow holds
I know Who is holding onto me
no matter how startling
the world right now seems to be
I will hang my hat upon His hope
and know He has ordered everything as He see’s
fit to have it roll
fit to have it turn
fit to have it unfold
even fit to have it burn
I don’t know what tomorrow holds
but I know Who is holding on to me
so I will just keep telling myself
by His plan
all the answers will come
and it’s okay to keep questioning.
Question with respect,
question with class
remember who you represent
and don’t dump your friends in the heat of a moment- rash.no one defriended me
but on behalf of the drama
and frustration I’ve been glancing at…
this is my offering.
God, in You… despite all this chaos
I am so thankful that I have a reason to be glad.
how can it be
I feel like someone picked up a bag
of all that’s inside of me…
the bag wasn’t zipped
it was open and see
now everything inside has spilled out irreparably
flung around so shameless, I can’t pick up any peace
everything I had managed to contain
has become exposed, like a blanket in the rain
replete with cold, wet, uselessness
how did things become like this
I asked You to show me what I’d let drop from my fingertips
did I expect it to be easy, did I think it would be pleasant
when you look at what you once held in your hands
become consumed in a moment
inside the flames of the unplanned
how do you come back and look in the mirror
how do you continue beside that mess and dull glimmer
can I warm myself with the coals of what I lost
can You manage to transform these chaotic thoughts
I’ll step out of this darkness
only because I know You’re here with me
was it You who pulled the zipper
show me what You wanted me to see.
since you’ve brought me to the page
with some explanation
of what my mouth can not repeat
my lips can not bear to speak
what an elusive and magnificent beast
why do you hide away at times, captured, mute
and even more astonishing and curious
is what releases you in these currents
of emotion, commotion, devotion….thrust
and here you are
it’s been a while
this time twas not the delicate caress of beauty
or a wondrous, emphatic memory
which caused me to remember your need to be released
no it was a gash much larger than I had recalled
and two purple eyes swollen to the size of golf balls
it was a night of torment and despair
I’d hidden you away and nearly forgotten you were there
writhing, and burning, and wailing in pain
be still oh my heart
yes, I am right back there again
at least for a moment
and I begin to realize
this memory is serving a purpose
reminding me to recognize
all that God has done to remove the dross
to ignite the pain
is not meant for more loss…
I can feel it and see it and the first thing that comes to mind
are the scoffers who mistreated
the source of this pain and to compassion became blind
shouldn’t I focus on the good-
oh I do that daily, see….
I regularly am on my knees thanking Him
for so many, who are so much better to me than I could even dream.
No, for this moment
I remember those who slammed their gavel down
while the true Judge with His justice
removed them, yes…see-‘those’ are no where to be found.
And it was like a festering cancer which needed to be removed
and by their responses to blood that spilled, their true intent…. proof
I ache for a moment and then remember
what the pain is meant to show
how to crawl out from behind my glossy glare and dash forth
with modest blows
be the person You need me to be
despite what others have conceived
they can not even imagine
what we went through,
perhaps they’ll understand eventually…
Lord for this
and in everything
I thank You.
though you are shorter
you stand towering above
spiritually so much more mature
than the age that you bear
little one, I adoreit wasn’t me reminding you how to love
though one might think you would need
coaxing, bolstering, guiding… no you lifted me up
showed me the purity in a simple profound plea“Lord help us to never doubt the existence of that Which we can not see.”
I feel as though I should be curled up
weeping at your knees
no it wasn’t me, it wasn’t me
oh the wonder
how wrong things could have gone
but we met in the darkness
reaching a deepening bond
oh the beauty
when someone harmed finds a way to become
how I long to be like you
to the prompting of the Holiest
no it wasn’t I who led you tonight
though I held you in my arms
you wielded and wrapped us both up in His Light
anything could come between
all that He is showing you
oh my growing girl….
trust- in what You are seeing.
As our children grow, fears can come in. I fail daily, and become disheartened….but wow and wonder, when we experience the sweetest fruit. When the lives we’ve been working near to…start to show themselves approved.
What a precious prayer- though simple, it is the most amazing of foundational bases….
“I can’t see you. But I know You are. Please help us to never doubt Your existence.” With our arms wrapped around each other, calling out to the only one able to save. Lord- You never cease to put my down on my face, in wonder…I am truly amazed. Be praised-
when everyones is gone
of the truth inside
when I call out in silence
no where among the trees to hideI can work hard to be who I think that I should be
but stripped and emptied
I realize I am naked
You see the true meHow couldn’t I have seen it?
Why didn’t I say it?
What could I have been thinking?
When I asked You to show me my sins
I didn’t expect so much revealing
but what it really proves
is how righteous You are
here I think I am moving forward
in reality I forgot my keys and can’t even remember where I parked
how can I even come before You?
I am no bride bedecked for the canopy
I am a cold barren room
how many chances I missed, to say and do the right thing
how many times I chose to feed my own face
rather than bring an offering
neglecting to bless
can it be in this darkness You still offer me the Light?
an open door
which none can shut
My Victor My Conqueror
ravage my sin,
split open its hold
and pour Your lye within
remind me of Your purposes
and capability to yet use
one who is so capricious
undisciplined, I embrace Your rebuke
because I know it is for the good
when it comes direct from You
may it be no longer
those who have served
escape our minds
left to wonder why
may it be no longer
stars and stripes you bore
dishonored, the foundations you laid ignored….
but not today
just doesn’t suffice
for the time, the pain, the struggle and triumph
which is exemplified through your very lives
I can’t give a gift like the one
you’ve given me
A base and structure for a generation
where my children can remain free
where they can decorate what you fought for
with righteousness, justice and truth
where they can proudly walk through every opened door
and bear the legacy and remembrance of you
America seems beautiful to me today
I feel free in this Land once more
thank you all for being those forbearers who are truly brave….
may we live up to the purpose for which you fought
and fight for.
I just can’t understand
I stumble and fall
I rant and reel
You’re touching me so deeply
responding to my pleasisn’t it wrong
because I don’t deserve
could never earn
this kind of faithfulness
so Faithful You are to me
and so greata moment before you
is better than a thousand years of
touring the beauty on this earth
to Know You have responded
is a sweeter sound
than any magnificent masterpiece performed
by the greatest
what is it before You?
as I am nothing
how can You be so good to me,
I just can’t understand
it’s not perplexion Lord…
have I found Your favor
what can I offer You
except for my heart
what is mine to give You?
take it all
for the things You do with it….
are so much more wonderful than I can envision
or plan for or orchestrate.
What does someone give
to the One Who knows their every need and desire
Who answers and replies with the sweetest abundance
like a parent bestowing gift after gift after gift on a child….
may I never become spoiled
may I never become stilled
may I never become blasé
where You are concerned
how can You be so good to me?
You concern Yourself with my every need
on my knees
all I can offer
for all my promises fail
is that if You place it in my hand….
it will be used to pursue Your will.
Just as Your Might, so is Your Love….
I just can’t understand.
something which made vivid all the emotions
one can not word and describe?
which stirred you to tears
or made you traipse
the un-tread thoughts inside?
Then, when it was over
and the credits rolled upon the screen
a song, sweet, hypnotic
which subtly had been woven throughout
of art and awe
played there slowly
drifted offyou didn’t rush out
when the curtain closed
you sat in your seat
heart throbbing from
still unsure, where do I
where could I possibly
go from here?The kind music still wafts
into an empty theater
you don’t move
desiring somehow, to
rewind and replay
to hold in each breath,
to draw each memory nearer….
I hear music,
probing gently yet firmly
like a true healers hands
cradling my heart
finessing my soul
I am here in this Theater
where His blessed wonders
and though solitary
I am certainly not alone
laughter, the melody
sparkling irises, the harps
flowing locks, the instruments
clapped hands, a drum stark
prayers with feeling, a cymbal or snare
hearts stirred to meaning, violin strings so fair
billowing smoke from a fire set
not just with wood
warm lights, flickering candles, color,
presence of all that is good…..
may it last
may it last
may this music never stop
gilded bindings from our past
breathed into a future
for when hope seems lost….
Oh Director of my wonder
Oh Fascinator of my soul
How can I ever thank You
for such a beautiful Sukkot?
September 18, 2016
making an account…
what is my life really been about
up to now….
I didn’t keep good records
I didn’t file everything away neatly
didn’t organize completely
so now when I’m asking myself
how balanced are your books
I’m neck high in a mess, I don’t even know where to look“but didn’t you….”
“and weren’t you….”
“and haven’t you….”it’s all naughtbut for the precious blood by which I’ve been bought.
I’m not a king, I’m not even a serf, in fact I am awash in dirt….
and my perspective
could become like unto one,
who once held heaven in his right hand
then let his children in the fire of idols burn…
“Vanity of vanities! All is vanity.
What advantage does man have in all his work� which he does under the sun?”
It would be easy to fall into that mentality
but I am coming to understand
every work, every word, every breath, every action,
every failure and restoration
every delight and jubilation
every single moment is His domain
and I could work my entire life long, hard, brilliant and it would never
be my gain
how can I thank You
it really brings solemn tears to my eyes
for waking me up each morning
and giving me a reason to be alive
thank You? It sounds so trite….
for making each breath imbibe this drive
to keep on searching
as You’re revealing
why You’ve woven my parts to exist in this life
so after another year on this rotating planet
as I think back on all “I did”
a spry smile encroaches over the depression
and age becoming evident upon my skin….
I look down upon my filthy hands
because I see the blemish, You are truly making me Your own
please wash me clean Lord
to serve You another year Lord
and all I ask Lord is for a more pure
genuine and Spiritual growth
September 11, 2016
I bowed my chin and let go of a deep breath I’d been holding in
my eyes stilled and fixed upon two waving flags
captured in time, united, and what a vision I had
a dream about two nations in truth
coming together in a Godly pursuit
to free the world of the violence indelible in an overtly evil theocracy
and in my heart I know that this is one dream which will never be
we are sadly like the stones of the walls commanded not to be rebuilt
but our Heads have raised high this nations pride, not accounted for innocent blood continually spilt
no one has taken the blame grasped responsibility,
yet sneered in vain at every portend, caution and sign granted by the Almighty
what would it mean if our flag waved unashamed beside hers
the blue six pointed shield and striped spangled bannerreality strikes me and I’m shaken from this visage
immediately swept up in the pain coursing due a devastating image
fifteen years, no it couldn’t have been….
since the high lofty towers were assailed and caved in
I remember the sickness I recall the woe
and now in silence my King speaks relief from head to toethink about how much agony and tribulation we’ve endured
but there is much more coming, for certain, for sure….
then why do I grin from the inside out?
Because I know what withstanding torment brings about
like the expectant mother who delivers her child
she will instantly forget all the distress when she sees him smile
she will be renewed and restored and in time completely revivedso too for this world and those who have a reason to love
to live awake and alive
the pain will be far outweighed
on That Day
when His banner of victory flies
so too for those who will endure the temporary pain
in faith and with hope for the birth of His promise- which will ever endure and remain
Truly, truly, I say to you, that you will weep and lament, but the world will rejoice; you will grieve, but your grief will be turned into joy. Whenever a woman is in labor she has pain, because her hour has come; but when she gives birth to the child, she no longer remembers the anguish because of the joy that a child has been born into the world. Therefore you too have grief now; but I will see you again, and your heart will rejoice, and no one will take your joy away from you. John 16
Then in that day
The nations will resort to the root of Jesse,
Who will stand as a signal for the peoples;
And His resting place will be glorious.
Then it will happen on that day that the Lord
Will again recover the second time with His hand
The remnant of His people, who will remain,
From Assyria, Egypt, Pathros, Cush, Elam, Shinar, Hamath,
And from the islands of the sea.
And He will lift up a standard for the nations
And assemble the banished ones of Israel,
And will gather the dispersed of Judah
From the four corners of the earth.
September 9, 2016
the impression you’ve made
what you’ve been promised
and tested, through
the pages of historyone cannot expunge
your record inscribed in stone
one could feign replacement
but it would be in futile mind alonethe Most High calls you chosen
and that sonship can not be nullified
marching through walls of the ashes
of your comrades, children, nation
yet…. “Shema!” was what you criedwhy the world hates you
calls for your demise
for centuries the evil seeks to conquer
the ones who have kept His Great Name alive
preserves of testimony
the reason I have something in which to believe
I will grasp and kiss your tzitziot saying
He is with thee, I have seen
and in that day where every curse comes out a blessing
I will praise in wonder and awe, eating of good fruit
scouring my wounds
with the leaves of life giving trees
meant for my healing
you weren’t broken
you weren’t the misfit
it was the nations who have always misjudged you
and in time those who understand this will share in YOUR benefit
“Thus says the Lord of hosts, ‘It will yet be that peoples will come, even the inhabitants of many cities. The inhabitants of one will go to another, saying, “Let us go at once to entreat the favor of the Lord, and to seek the Lord of hosts; I will also go.” So many peoples and mighty nations will come to seek the Lord of hosts in Jerusalem and to entreat the favor of the Lord.’ Thus says the Lord of hosts, ‘In those days ten men from all the nations will grasp the garment of a Jew, saying, “Let us go with you, for we have heard that God is with you.”’”
On either side of the river was the tree of life, bearing twelve kinds of fruit, yielding its fruit every month; and the leaves of the tree were for the healing of the nations There will no longer be any curse; and the throne of God and of the Lamb will be in it, and His bond-servants will serve Him; they will see His face…
September 1, 2016
if you would like to change a life, shine your light, make a message be heard….
especially in the name of the tenderest loving heart
do all of us outside of yourself a favor and think it over first
do you really think
they will do any listening
if the witness that you bring
is of persecution and berating
‘you desperately need saving,
now get away from me’
I am sorry but I sincerely believe
this is not how it is supposed to be
this is not disciplingso you want to tell them how wrong they are
their abomination has been taken too far
yet you look down on them as a judge and foretell their execution
when you wont even bother to speak the life into their hearts and show them the solutionyou are not in the image of King who is all compassion
you are not portraying a Master who talked with the sinner, sharing great plans with them
you are not emulating Him, you are not inspiring anyone to want to get to know Him
you are not even functioning within His will….
while you reject
His name is being shamed
because-of-you.I am not perfect, I sin and fail every day
but I would never have the audacity to walk up and judge somebody that way
ministering to people means you establish a relationship
that is precisely what our savior did
the one in whose name today you cast a fellow being aside
is that the way you thought they’d come desire to read the bible? and meet its Author …….whom you claim to magnify!
this is one reason why I do not label myself
(and I know this will get under some people’s skin….)
but this is why I have not adopted the title Christian.
I believe in everything Messiah came to preach about
but I sincerely believe that the Church is the very place to start the cleaning out
not in broad daylight
in a public place
not without hesitation
to talk down about someone, nearly right to their face
in His Name!
to whom it may concern, please think, please pray….I will do the same, next time you judge somebody and decide that it’s okay to say “you’re doomed and damned” and to the believer there…. “you need to take a stand” please remember how the Master lived and loved and how HE made believers. It was not by keeping them at arms length, not by excluding them…certainly from community and in the sanctuary there should be some discernment, but when he went out in public…. did he not speak to every soul, it was light he shone they were drawn to it- a sight to behold. You’re not shiny in the judgment seat, and believe be I am no innocent. Reconsider what a good witness is, then use your heart and discern with it.
August 27, 2016
‘no, it couldn’t be true’
yet, something worth recognizing occurred
it wasn’t a fiery mountain trembling , sky roaring
‘your miracle was worth ignoring’
but that whisper was a lie
to make you cease to recognize
a filling of hope where once was fear
is just as miraculous as a voice from the sky
it wasn’t too small…He was in it all
now, can’t You find Him there?In the shadow of doubt a thought covered you….
‘it was nothing, just chance’
yet, something real took place…not happenstance
it wasn’t a sea splitting open wide or a vast enemy instantly, utterly defied
‘your miracle wasn’t worth acknowledgement’
but that shadow is the darkness
trying to hide what it all meant
a glimpse of faith , trust even enmeshed with one’s sorrow
is just as miraculous as a pillar of fire as a guide
it wasn’t too small…He was in it all
now, can’t You find Him there?in the bosom of peace
you let your awe be released
and someone took away your joy
‘it isn’t all as it seems, not as brilliant as you’ve deemed’
yet, the movements of your heart tell another story
it wasn’t a golden gleaming Temple a dwelling place for God’s own revealed Glory,
like a bride adorned descending from the sky
but the thief who steals His magnification
is a deceiver bearing devastation
don’t believe the delusion he sows
it is just as miraculous when one lost seeks forgiveness
like life from the dead, the sleeping resurrected
it wasn’t too small…He was in it all
now, can’t You find Him there?don’t doubt, don’t fear don’t hearken to the lies belittling the miracles in your life, He loves you that much and IS building you up, so acknowledge Him that He may move in your life even more!
August 22, 2016
in so many ways
slowly tumble out of bed,
splash water on my face
pull blankets back into place
but inside a flame is burning, something must first be said….but where to start and where are the words
to compose to You this song
how could anything measure up
to the goodness, of Your love
making us strongwhen the tears fell down like torrents
and the silence stole my connection
You reminded me I could get through it
and You gave me reason and directionI lost it, in my weakness, and I forgot to feel
You adjured my recollection
and picked up the pieces of what is real
You deferred the darkness closing in
and You put things back together
You made a commodity into paragon
and renewed a love no enemy could steal
how could I thank You
what could I offer You
oh, that I mean this to You ?!
You make me adore You
so now I implore You
take the life You’ve restored
make my ears to hearken
make my heart to yearn more
not for what I can understand
not for what I can estimate
not for what I can envision
not for that to which I can relate
but to yearn for Your design
for me, for today, forever
to see the light breaking through
no matter what comes….
for Your relief and refuge in any weather
It can be no coincidence that so many people I know and love have been walking through major challenges….
life shattering faith shaking heart breaking tests
and in it all You’ve been answering and healing and directly coming to the hearts in need…including this, which beats this moment and as long as You will it- for You, my adore.
Could You give me any more!
I worship and honor You.
Thank You for being real to those who seek You and for being All for those who really really need You.
This day is Yours, I thank You.
August 20, 2016
the pain you’ve caused me
helps me to see Him better
and that is what I need to be truly strong
you wake me up too early
keep me up at night too long
you have claimed too many hours
and now I am trying to move onwhat makes is challenging
is that I care for you, have devoted my heart
have been faithful and true
but instead you chose to validate my faults and wrongsit doesn’t help to know
I am of no consequence
while I consider and feel
your devotion is long since goneI disappointed you
I didn’t accomplish enough
you decided that in your ‘worthwhile?’ scale
I couldn’t measure up
you became my jury, judge and killer
without all the evidence you chose sides
I did not come out the winner
you forgot all the truth, couldn’t see all the lies
this is what was meant to happen?
it is difficult to realize….
but in the end
there are questions that begged to be asked
was it really such a curse to loose someone like that?
who could take a true friend and go on the attack…
is it really so loathsome that I was plucked from their grasp?
when they took your name and trampled it behind your back….
don’t you trust the fact that God had His hand in this situation where you felt betrayed?
He took from your time and heart investment something hindering The Way….
He sifted your life and out came a shard….
something not useful even harmful
something you couldn’t see in the mix
He sifted your life and out came a fragment of the corruption….
that was making your produce inedible, unfit for consumption.
While I was stuck on you
I was needed elsewhere
and though I pray for you all the best
I have real work to do and now I need some rest
I offer up my angst and the sorrow at the loss
of something that was intended to be removed
God let me be thankful for the vision
that I can not perceive
and use my life in lives that will judge and moderate more like You do.
August 13, 2016
When you disregarded time, all the investment….upheld
with spirit with enthusiasm with heart and with soul
did you fully understand what was in your grasp, in your control?
Did you contemplate the things that really matter
how a person lives their words when one seeks truth
rejecting the mindless chatter….
because my truth is different that yours
did that make it acceptable to dash my vessel to the floor?You were the one who was supposed to relate
to a hungry student, you yet underestimate,
how to fill it with light and let it out pour
that is what I worked for and did….yet, I fell from your adoreI’ve been walking in a storm, a battle raging around me
I can feel it in my heart…but the powers are unseen
If I trust in any man, I will always be disappointed
because look! We’re so incapable of seeing what shines right there! before usIf I trust in my own power or even my own will
I will always tire, drop the bucket, tumble down the hill….
So yes I am in tumult, yes I feel the stinging wind….
but I am on my two feet standing, not wallowing low
because of Him.
He didn’t test me this way two years ago,
for I surely would never have been ready
He is testing me now because I am able
to see, that in the end….it will come forth as a blessing
My faith will become stronger
having been challenged
I will truly feel
what it means to be rejected
and then recollected
having found something even more real….
make my faith more real
the broken heart
means an open heart
and I am not afraid to feel.
July 29, 2016
I don’t want to hear it
If its challenging
I’d rather let it be
If you’re going to say I need to make a change
just forget it, I won’t listen I’m the only ruler of my way
the voice of pride
she’s strong, she’s sure….
the voice of arrogance
she’s got a certain allure
the world applauds her encourages her to become large
don’t submit to any criticism you’re the one in chargethe voice of truth
there is nothing good in me
without my King beside me I could not attempt a single thing
everything I earn or gain
it can all simply vanish and be swept away
every word I’ve spoken
every song I have sung
are in fact as unforgettable as a pile of rotting dung
but somehow in the voice of truth I find my only need
is to nullify this self and start to rearrange everything
I can dig and dig and toil and slave
over any given thing….
and still be left to dangle lifeless over the edge of broken dreams
In reality having tasted what is truly divine
has allowed the voice of reason
for the moment
to drown out my pride
I’d rather bask in the kingdom of Gracious love without fail
than wallow in the mud and straw in slavery to my own willI want truth, even if it hurts. I want to be better and finally come out of this rut this grave. I want Your glory and my demise. Simple- pure- real- honesty…. take me there my King, and hone….prune…. smooth….refine…..put me in order, Yours.Shabbat Shalom!
may it come about through inspiration
a thoughtful happy drizzle of my inner salinityfor what is a tear? not malfunction
some mistake or transient junction
is it the consolidation of what the essence can’t express?when you see it does it make you quiver
in disappointment as if you failed to deliver
or shudder and retract
does it discomfit and intensify what you feel you lack?or is it the proof text from a story unseen
the evidence of an authentic being
living, growing, working to uncover meaning….many times I hear of the power
of being washed and cleansed in the Living Water
what liquid is more alive than that which comes forth from the eyes
from a broken and penitent heart as one cries
wash away all the doubt with these tears
wash away all the pain I can’t explain
cleanse my soul and then pull me nearer
as all that which is not from You is wept away
praying and crying, mourning with those who mourn, may they be comforted.
July 8, 2016
so you convinced me I would fall
HE made way for healing in this nation
so you’re dividing us all
Yes, in the macro…HIS plan is righteous
so you’ve been denegrating all justice
twisting distorting conniving lying
so now even the obvious cannot be seen
all the chaos and disorder all the killing
for you is victory upon which you feast
return oh world to the Origin to the One who holds the plan
return oh Kingdom to the Order in His Goodly Golden Commands
return spouses to your wives and husbands they are not the adversaries
let not the liar convince you to destroy your very own sanctuary
return children cover up your bodies and your eyes
return to innocence, purity, modesty put off the flesh before it dies
repent oh sorrowful nation, cease bringing offerings to the breeze
look in the face the sin and evil…. let us call out the true enemy
one can only recognize him, by Knowing the One to Whom he is Opposed
learn HIS truth, HIS salvation and forgiveness
then you’ll recognize all that comes against what is HIS- that….
is the true foe
recognize him, feel his evil…. it is closing in from all sides
but remember his time is limited and in the end it is he who dies
he longs to take every single soul down with him
to the pit which burns without end
seek out now the One WHO will have the Victory
and turn those once enemies into friends
brothers, sisters now is the time to forge together
the seal that can not be undone
bearing the witness of love and the Mantle of the Glorious
Holy OneIt’s time,the love that we know about and have been given freely….be lived out and exposed from within, join together and live that love. As easy as despair and ranting would be at this moment….tell someone about something good…the ONLY One who is good.As He was setting out on a journey, a man ran up to Him and knelt before Him, and asked Him, “Good Teacher, what shall I do to inherit eternal life?” And Yeshua said to him, “Why do you call Me good? No one is good except God alone. You know the commandments, ‘Do not murder, Do not commit adultery, Do not steal, Do not bear false witness, Do not defraud, Honor your father and mother.’” And he said to Him, “Teacher, I have kept all these things from my youth up.” Looking at him, Yeshua felt a love for him and said to him, “One thing you lack: go and sell all you possess and give to the poor, and you will have treasure in heaven; and come, follow Me.” But at these words he was saddened, and he went away grieving, for he was one who owned much property. And Yeshua , looking around, said to His disciples, “How hard it will be for those who are wealthy to enter the kingdom of God!” The disciples were amazed at His words. But Yeshua answered again and said to them, “Children, how hard it is to enter the kingdom of God! It is easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle than for a rich man to enter the kingdom of God.” They were even more astonished and said to Him, “ Then who can be saved?” Looking at them, Yeshua said, “With people it is impossible, but not with God; for all things are possible with God.” Peter began to say to Him, “Behold, we have left everything and followed You.” Yeshua said, “Truly I say to you, there is no one who has left house or brothers or sisters or mother or father or children or farms, for My sake and for the gospel’s sake, but that he will receive a hundred times as much now in the present age, houses and brothers and sisters and mothers and children and farms, along with persecutions; and in the age to come, eternal life.Shabbat Shalom!!
June 19, 2016
here I wont fall
this is the place
I need nothing else at all
you elevate me
make me feel strong and tall
on you I can rely
for you, I know I can call
when I am in trouble
you hold on to me
when I am angry
you mold a better me
when I am sad
you give me comfort and relief
when I think about how you see me
I wan’t you to feel proud
like all your work was worth it
I know the very hands
that know no bounds to fight and protect
are also the sure secure place I can find peace and rest
this is a father
a balancing act
making strong a child’s resolve while tender the heart
a real daddy knows that his legacy and part
is to grant his children a sound place from which to truly “start”אָב Av-(father) in Hebrew
is the aleph- strength, strong, leader, head, ox
and Beit- house, dwelling….thus familyA father is more than the head of the house, although he is that.
He is the beast of burden so to speak- who plows a field that his wife and children can eat, who carries the weight of each member upon his shoulders, who yokes himself with the One who leads to all good things, who when needs be stamps and rages and puts everything in perspective and order with righteous discipline and charge.
Blessings to all fathers, step fathers, god fathers, fathers who have taken the place of blood relatives and stepped up for the healing in hearts, to all the fathers who have lost their loved ones and who can not even celebrate this day….be comforted.
June 25, 2016
when one is working hard to make their inner light burn stronger
a few moments in anguish can feel like days
when one plummets into failure, darkness and rage
what is time and how can one save it
what is opportunity and how can one rearrange it
a bad decision which expends just an instant
can misappropriate years of time and investment
and a kind word spoken within a moment propitious
can unravel the choke hold of a pain filled span, a lifetime malicious
can you feel it when it pulls at you
that urge to reach the other
although you want to turn away, forget it….why bother
be it a gentle impulse to “say something”
or an unyielding compulsion propelled in believing
there can be repair where there was damage
joy where dwelt despair
and where you once saw only smears of chaos
there is beautiful golden treasure everywhereShabbat Shalom!
June 17, 2016
probing in my mind
taking my eye off the bigger scale
and focusing fear in the benign
taking the terror and twisting it
into a loathsome knot
mangling all my good intentions
causing slowly ripening fruit to turn and rot
why can’t I see past this struggle
this war waging beyond my flesh
I can’t seem to just scope Your patience
applying and making it manifest
this world and its deluded blunt edges
tracing, erasing light, attempting to train my eyes
on the folly and falsehood which divides us
and make me focus in on and believe its lies
but You, You are the apple… the center and nearest part
no matter how they trick and tug at my lids and lashes
they can not rename the proprietor of my Heart
for I can see You in the darkness, yes even as it grows
and I can feel You in life’s shadowy places…
and even there Your brilliance showsopen my Eyes in Your Torah then my soul will pursue Your commandments.Shabbat Shalom!
June 10, 2016
that is something I truly wish I knew
to what extent and how far back I could have begun
thanking, worshiping and praising you….
from now on when there is an impossible dream
an immovable object,an incredible feat
I’ll just go ahead and commence in advance
thanking You for the conclusion and resolution I can not yet seein patience there is promise
in remorse, reconciliation
in pure motive, legitimacy
and when Salvation moves in your heart….
people and things you thought could never change are transformedwhat beauty I once saw
that which I thought was dead forever
is softly glowing once more
I can not describe it
but it resembles hope
a hope I have longed forLord I praise You for moving
I smile at how long it takes us to figure things out
I bow because of Your long suffering patience
As Your Spirit moves in truth
let it move in every one of our hearts
may we respond to Your work
and not deny it when it meets us.Shabbat Shalom!
May 21, 2016
one moment tramping daringly on a lustrous sun kissed high cliff
and then trembling in a dank stinking sullen cavern the nextGod I am not like You
what do I do?laughable, the irony of the senses
like a blade of grass
at once, one feels a significant part of a lush green expanse
then with a slight twist and pull, all reason is uprooted by some devious plan
and in desperation you’re cast
blown away from the Whole a victim of faithless circumstanceGod I am not like You
what do I do?In these moments
when I feel my flesh groan-
it aches with a longing to know You more
yet feeling so far, for You are unfathomable….
I can not come close to conception
it is then when the Loftiest Master turns His heart in my direction
God I am not like You.
But I want to be.
Reaching inside my soul
all folly and irony become but a song
for You and I to traipse across
as we twirl and dance along
side by side
how could it be?
God I am not like You,
yet You still offer this waltz to me?
Nothing feels better- than Your presence. You come in delight, You come in sorrow, You come in fear- causing me to rejoice, to cry, to find relief- and You make sense of what constitutes each tear. Your love is beyond what I can express- but it feels like a magnificent dance, and I don’t ever want to sit down to take a rest.
looking for answers to what I was feeling
you found me then, I was never again alone
like the contrast of the colors and the heat within each layer
you showed me you were real, a memory burned into my heart which I savora little girl staring out the window, wishing on a star
I understood that they were yours and still I gazed at your beacon from afar
a song of love and union played into my soul
I knew you had a plan for me, I asked you to let my heart know
longing with each shimmer, you fostered and caused it to growa little girl skipping rocks over the water, betting on a chance
if it bounces more than a certain amount I’d ask you to ready my stance
prepare me for some fortunate embrace, steady my feet on some adventure
make sure I embarked on a passionate journey and filled all my pleasures
then I thought, wishing on stars and making a bet could be mixed with your destiny for me
then I thought if I prayed hard enough everything that I asked for would bea little girl blowing on a dandelion, scattering to the wind her seed
I was sure with each tiny white body my dreams would go forth and proceed
yes you were ever present and I asked you to guide their course
but I was far too naive to understand that behind everything else was my maker
not something to be called upon for my own gains and increase
all my fleeting hopes in passing things were cast away in the wind as those seedsa little girl plucking petals and investing on each one
some hope within a prayer within an innocence coming undone
just as each vibrant petal fell, leaving none but a lonely core
each level of purity became defiled as I fell into the world more and more
my trust was reassigned to even more fleeting things
people, places, selfish dreams and times….
I relied on such as thesebut you- you never turned your face from me
no matter how deep I fell into that gloom
you taught me how to transcend the fleeting things
and become redeemed and delivered from doom
oh Mighty King, who is Kind and patient
every wish, every hope, every investment
I made so unwisely….please forgive
and transfer to your account
for I now know there is only You
and I place it all in your hands Lord, the full amount
I remember how it felt (feels)- so clearly, to be so disillusioned by people and the world. When my prayers weren’t answered I didn’t understand. I realize now that in accord with his will, he moves with immediacy. And nothing is impossible with Him as my only hope and reality.
April 29, 2016
I touched your sweet head and pledged your fate to mine
so much can go wrong
from instant to century
but as past and future intermingled I felt power come out of me
devotion to ensure that I teach you His heart
to do a better job at safeguarding, despite straying…..however farfor if He sought me
in the darkened, defiled corners of debauchery
why not I for you…
no matter where you find yourself, your mother I will still besweet breath, soft kiss, firm embrace….I see His promises alight on your still facethere is no coincidence
He speaks through the pages we have grasped
with eager, hungry, dingy fingertips
we look at each other
and marvel at His answerI look back and dig deep
and wrap up, pack away, destroy all the excruciating glimpses into the past
and let You sort them out into their appropriate places
and askis this reminder to strengthen me to compassion
is this stillness to temper me for a new change and challenge
whatever it is….
bless each one of these to be tied to Thee
and when they stray…find them, may they hearken much sooner than me.
Lord, You are connecting so many dots for me, in my heart. I pray for time this Sabbath to really reach up in prayer. Thank You for all You have done for us. Ever gracious, ever lasting, never changing, confirming….restoring King.
Shabbat Pesach Shalom!
April 21, 2016
preparing, unpacking, dumping out, revealing
starting out slow removing the obvious and clear
then gradually building toward the deeper jobs feared
the receptacles which are designed to hold the waste
they all had to be emptied and taken out of their comfortable place
drawers and closets full of accumulated obtain
have been torn out with much of their contents evaluated
only a fraction of what was….remainsin this process I have seen the dirt, I didn’t feel like bending to scrub
I have also managed to make even bigger messes
while attempting to fix the areas of problem
and through it all You have whispered mercies
encouragements to keep searching
for the uncleanness separating my heart from Your vast holiness….
You’ve extended time to scour extended energy stores
You’ve extended hours of recover, that I could wake and take out morenearly there, the table….
I’m already dreaming of the moment
where it is set and I might petition
my Great King to join us there….
dine with us our Savior
and continue to clean out our hearts
the anticipation for this time together
is certainly what the “cleaning ritual” is meant for!Shemot 13; 7 Unleavened bread shall be eaten throughout the seven days; and nothing leavened shall be seen among you, nor shall any leaven be seen among you in all your borders. 8 You shall tell your son on that day, saying, ‘It is because of what the Lord did for me when I came out of Egypt.’ 9 And it shall serve as a sign to you on your hand, and as a reminder on your forehead, that the TORAH OF THE LORD MAY BE IN YOUR MOUTH; for with a powerful hand the Lord brought you out of Egypt. 10 Therefore, you shall keep this ordinance at its appointed time from year to year.I am seeing it clearer, at this point in the cleaning process, which I acknowledge was NOT done by my own hands. It was Your will, Your provision and Your command. The point of removal of the lofty- is so that we can focus on what it means to be lowly- and the taste of humility….is the example You set. The taste of the Torah- by the Matazah on our lips. Bind me forever to You in truth, bind me to Your teaching, Your word. It wasn’t even the freedom from slavery You offered….but from the suffering. Suffering which is deeply felt when one has not found You.Chag- Pesach- Sameach!
with each fault and offense
moving farther beyond the partitions of separation
I know it is my own actions and words that have brought us to where we have come
but I can still see you
I see you from out here
standing at the fence, looking for me
and desiring my return
I see you, forehead resting upon your strong right hand
bracing a body abused broken and torn
what is she doing with her time outside
is it improving
this removal from the insideI have wandered
as you well know
I have strayed
I have been adrift in a sea of selfish tears
wondering futily, why am I out here?
Considering, I don’t deserve this excision!
But it is I alone who have brought myself here.
A consequence of the sins and ill choices I made.
Until my blemishes and spots are identified for what they are
they can not be healed.Pronounce me unclean
I know that I am .
I accept it with my head turned down
and my heart in Your hand.
Make this moment
a moment of purification before You.
As I remember the one You gave me
to fulfill my soul’s half- hapless while alone.I can see him.
And I remember….
all the wonderful things
so many have taken for granted.
One who wouldn’t hesitate to bleed
even for the deepest offender
and self proclaimed enemy.
I have seen him,
take up a cause
that was not his own….
and undertake to make it
seen him comfort many woes….
seen him prostrate at the foot of
Thy lofty throne
seeking, while others out there….
fail to see him
reachingeven me.You entrusted me to him
and just as much
him to me,
how could I have been so foolish…
so heartless not to see.
There he stands, bracing himself….
looking for the one who removed herself
soon he’ll turn aside
go take care of all those upon whom rely
in his strength and provision
but he’ll return
and continue to hope
continue to wait
outside the gate….
ask Thee to prepare me
in this time
make me clean again
make me whole again
teach me to love again
the way they deserve to be loved.
May there soon come a day
where my Priest and King can come out to me
she has made a true change
the affliction is healed
her healthy flesh has been entirely restored
change your clothes and your ways
and come back inside
for you I had prearranged.
— what can be said
there is no One above You
no One besides You
more gracious or good, Who does good for those who love Him and is merciful to all.
Who is like You?
April 2, 2016
take me back
if I close my eyes in the stillness
take me back
if I reach into recall, the utter vulnerability
touch me again
extend Your influence
beyond my violent sobs
as I wail, calling….
show me your love in it all
I can see
through the waves of writhing pain
the deepest kind that ravage
the warm, joyous home You’ve made
but I can see
extend Your veracity
into my helplessness
I can see
the entire way
as from dust formed in Your image
before they had begun perfection
Your love was without condition
You didn’t wait
for Your son
to look as he should
didn’t expect of him
in the desert…..
while he deceived and betrayed You
time and time again he failed
and You never held back Your love
You didn’t require him
to be anything
for the gift of Thine grace to give
take me back
make me remember
there is one thief
who will use anything
and every body
to tear down
the walls and rooms and depths of delight
to see and walk
in the way, Your true ‘mission field’
I will take a tear to remember
what You spoke to me through the pain
I will gently hold it twixt my fingers
and oft think upon what You were saying
repetitious forgiveness should arise before it is enlisted
but one need not himself reach out, grab, and insert knife….
this purification will take place in the heart, it is done quite out of ‘sight’
love like Yours doesn’t wait, expect, require or even judge
if it comes from You it is free and fast and looks forward
to where one will be enabled to go….not what one is coming out of
the truth, the evidence, the witness of Your work
is much stronger than the idle, hurtful, unreasonable, wicked tongue
what passes from the slayer to the hearer in the shadows
can not undo what Your testimony has done
to focus on the painful words and things that have caused us suffering
will become an overwhelming poison polluting every passage and vein
I will sift out Your voice from the bitterness and know You too had something to share
then I will burn to ash in an unclean place all the filth, which first made me despair
and leave it there
and return to Your presence
and ask You
to wash me clean
to help me to touch me again
and show me
Your great love
Lord- I grow weary. I need Your love to heal me. Weary of worthless chatter, pointless gestures and unkind people. Weary of conniving manipulators and deceivers who in secret places plot the derailment of the capability to perform the mission You’ve graced me with. I know the truth is open and bare and will be revealed in the end. But I tire of waiting. I tire of failing. And I also know it wont end…not until the rectification of all things. Not until You return and teach each one of us Your idea of righteous judgment. I feel like giving up, but I also feel You with me. With You all is YES. I believe, give me your strength.
March 25, 2016
I know it is you
because you reach inside and touch a place
no one else can see into
because everything else becomes bleary
when your power comes into focus
and I know you can hear meoh to be a tiny grain of sand
in a pond
to your kingdom
I know at some moment
I would catch your eye and sparkle
reflecting your reason
it would be honor
to dwindle there among the muck and waste
even just to be that tiny part, would become my perfect placeoh to be a puny bead upon a garment
among a million others
who have meant much more than I did
at some point
you would look at me
and I’d be a small part of the bridal array
you’d return, recognize and retrieve
saying, “there’s the one I died for, I recognize her, it is she….”I know its you
when it happens
because it overwhelms my soul
I am changed from one who thought she knew something
into a child, with no control at all
I tremble, and I weep, and I can scarcely speak…..
because of how your love takes over
Lord it is distinct.Shabbat Shalom!
March 19, 2016
like thick blood slowly oozing from a wound
staining, infecting, evidence of a death soon to propose
“your usefullness has reached its end, your potential will never reach its goal….”
words like unto the dullest, inhumane sword of torture
You transformed into the sweetest caress, like a soft kiss while one still lingers in slumber
You took the accusations which sought to destroy, tear down all that was building
for Your temple of glory….in wake of a union, weathered by many brutal torrents and storms
You took hold and transformed them into vessels of gold
I entreated You to remind me, to wake me from my dull heart of monotony
I petitioned for Your forgiveness, in the dire lack of self restraint and humble sobriety
for a moment I speculated it was perhaps Your heavy hand
coming down in order to shake me from my arrogant dormancy in heartfelt adoption of Your righteous commands
but once I tasted the tepid languid depravity in the tone of the charge
I knew at once, that it could not have come from Your gracious, compassionate, long-suffering arms
So You took the repulsive discharge which was flung upon my face
and turned it into sweet perfume, an anointment by Thy grace
You reminded me of Your power, though it was not Your wrath callous coming down
through love and restoration and forgiveness Your truth was found.
Kiss me again sweet righteous King, gently touch me when I fall into slumber…
purify my brazen arrogance into the pleasing poem of a lover.Only You. You make things happen that never could….in my simple mind, ‘never would’. Only You. You repair things even for a sinner continuing to live repellent. Thank You for giving me a chance to realize it in Your grace and gentleness….may I make the changes You desire before I merit Your heavy hand. And so too for this generation. Thank You merciful King.Shabbat Shalom!
March 12, 2016
from a lofty throne
place of majesty heavenly abodeto the house
made by mortal hands alone
and You said You would call it HomeYour presence there
all Your heart for creation is
justifiednot a tower
not a calf
or something from a mans mind
nor some project
to lift humanity’s will or regard or pride….a sanctuary where Your Glory would reside
a place where spaces breached would be rectified
a shelter where Your great Name would be magnified
a sure picture from heaven where nothing is held back or beliedand now in our lives…
through our trials….
even before terror would meet us…
did You not in turn create a special place,
where Your comforting warning could reach us….
was it a brilliantly composed sunset before a horrific storm?
Or a break in the darkness, where rays of light shimmered and made a broken spirit soar….
did You not hand down a gift
before our breath was punched from within us
we may have failed to note it
but You did not forget to bestow it….ever reaching, ever longing, ever loving sweet King
thank You for making such wonderful ways
we can draw near to Thee
I can see now, that unforgettable sunset before the ‘worst’ night of my life….
that moment of peace in reading Your word, directed right to the problem I was about to face…
it was a gracious warning and gift you put in its perfect place.
I can see now, that no matter what is coming…
no matter how horrible and terrible it will be, no matter how much suffering or trauma we might have to greet…
You will ever prepare us, You will warn us, You will strengthen us before hand.
You will give us every single tool we need to face what is at ahead.
Weave now my King, that thread of awareness, zealousness, might, courage, and trust in our lives…we will need to survive and shine Your light, let us all come together making that combination of each thread of strength you’ve woven in the individual into an unbreakable rope, pulling Your sanctuary and the place of Your dwelling into ONE holy and prepared house.
I was struck by how many times Solomon through his prayer is reminding us….God’s dwelling place and abode is Heaven, it is far above and beyond what we could compare it to here on earth…YET He chose and even desired to allow His vastness, His Presence to come to earth and inhabit a place built by the hearts and hands of humans. He chose to allow us to be a part of the way we would be able to experience Him. And he confirms all the work that came before, through the people in the desert at the instruction of Moshe by the Mouth of God. Amazing!
I Kings 8;30 Listen to the supplication of Your servant and of Your people Israel, when they pray toward this place; hear in heaven Your dwelling place; hear and forgive….38 whatever prayer or supplication is made by any man or by all Your people Israel, each knowing the affliction of his own heart, and spreading his hands toward this house; 39 then hear in heaven Your dwelling place, and forgive and act and render to each according to all his ways, whose heart You know, for You alone know the hearts of all the sons of men, 40 that they may fear You all the days that they live in the land which You have given to our fathers….42 when he comes and prays toward this house, 43 hear in heaven Your dwelling place, and do according to all for which the foreigner calls to You, in order that all the peoples of the earth may know Your name, to fear You, as do Your people Israel, and that they may know that this house which I have built is called by Your name. …..48 if they return to You with all their heart and with all their soul in the land of their enemies who have taken them captive, and pray to You toward their land which You have given to their fathers, the city which You have chosen, and the house which I have built for Your name; 49 then hear their prayer and their supplication in heaven Your dwelling place, and maintain their cause, 50 and forgive Your people who have sinned against You….
56 “Blessed be the Lord, who has given rest to His people Israel, according to all that He promised; not one word has failed of all His good promise, which He promised through Moses His servant.
And if we too will reach for Him and long for Him and desire the rectification of our faults that only He can establish…He will instruct, guide, join and protect us to whatever happens. And we can rest securely!
March 5, 2016
my mothers line is undefined
and in upbringing your holy ways were not that in which I was raisedto you I am not a Jew
because a potential thread on my fathers side
is not enough to define me or prove me in your mindto you I am not a Jew
because I believe foremost in the written divine Torah
I am not true because I may not yet hold to all the complexities of the Oralto you I am not a Jew
because in the eyes with which I have been given to see
I perceive the light and life of the Torah Messianiclyto you I am not saved
because I don’t go to a building with a steeple
have not signed on a dotted line to become a member of the peopleto you I am not saved
because I take not wafer nor swig from a tiny cup,
although Holy Sabbath after Sabbath I drink true vine and bread of life …for you it is not ‘enough’to you I am not saved
because in my giving of the gospel
I have no requirements for those whom I disciple
to you I am not saved
because I believe that the Torah is true
that it has not expired and does apply for all, not for a few
to you I am not saved
because I have not been sprinkled or dunked in a tub
though I have gone beneath living water dead- and been come up in Spirit in Love
so who am I Jewish brethren, and who am I Christianity?
What does it take for my life’s fruit to claim, label and define me?
I have never touched the sand, never breathed a breath of the Holy Land yet I wake up each morning yearning for the City of Peace. I have worked and even suffered for the Land which I have never seen and would do anything if it meant giving everything that the world might see the Miracle that is Israel. I have not grown up in Judaism but the Torah is my tree of Life, I go forth with it on my lips and I walk with it as my direction. I dare to believe that the God who was and is and is to come has not changed and will not exchange His eternal teaching for another. I believe with perfect faith that the connections to the life and teachings of the One who is my Messiah, Yeshua, are undeniable in their majority.
So I do not know how I am to respond to things….
“Your Torah is not the true Torah….”
“Messianic Jews are not Jews….”
“You’re not saved if you’re keeping yourself under the Law….”
“What are you? What do you believe in? What label can I place upon you so that I can define you better? ”
Do this instead.
Look at me, speak with me, study with me, pray with me, walk with me, work with me, love those in need with me, care about things that truly matter with me, give with me, delight in the Law of the Lord with me…. then know what and who I am.
May the expressions of my mouth and the abundance of my heart lived out by my deeds define who my King has made me into. Not who I was but who I became when I truly died to her and chose to live for him. My identity lies in who I am in Him alone, and what I do with the time He has given me on this earth…. because He lives in me. An eternal slave, bound to a Righteous Master.
February 26, 2016
I can no more control
what my heart can no longer contain
torn open made to show
what trembling words can not explain
I can no longer hold it
it is beyond me
while this falls short, the rest is a waste
I can not express what my soul can’t contain
so burn tiny spark, once more lit
all creation, do you not yet see?
untangling the mangled, unbinding every fence
weaving truth, extravagance in the telling
chaos into sort, dull bland drone to vivid taste
oh soul overflow what my King has pre arranged
not a word is by chance
not a moment an accident
a deliberate King
and intentional instruments
make music my soul
from that which I can not express….
if only He can hear it,
even more fitting that benefit.
can my eyes remember a sorrowful tear? it is awe that pours out and I remember no pain….nothing is grey, dark, cloudy or confused. I asked to see some of Your glory and You, as always, gave more than any human being could consume. Overabundant God, overwhelming love, remind me of this moment when I fall back into “not enough”, “no further”, ” what’s it for?” Remind me please so I forget how to despair, and when I forget….please my King, bring me back here.
February 19, 2016
but the sand and the water,
the function of my hands
the breath that slowed within me
inspiration to form and plan
that all came from You
so Who truly made the vessel
and I am sure of Who filled it
but time doesn’t slow for my will
and the product is flat and tasteless
if You’re not behind it
and the means to make
and the creative gifts required….
that is all something You provided
so Who really made the brand
and I am certain of Whose substance it was composed
All by Your Hand
but the Words are Yours
and the Spirit is Yours
and the Will is Yours
and the Inspiration is Yours
and the Motivation comes from You
and nothing is new, nothing I have done
and it is You
and my offerings are ash
and my merits far more than insignificant
so I pray if ever even for a moment
there was the notion of praise
admire or adore
it will be directed and projected to the correct place
ALL to You
and I revel and worship and delight, where I belong….
ecstatic, elated with my face to the floor
Beautiful King, tears of gratitude wash an unworthy servant. And I thank You. May my every breath become an act of worship.
February 12, 2016
a hollow sinking feeling
when you’ve been betrayed
twisting from the center
making the once ordered …. disarray
pain gripping fleeting hope
ragged splintering noose, a tearing choking …..rope
the stranglehold is the bitterness the curse creeping to my lips
how can I get control and refrain from committing a dire slip
when I am wounded and unjustly
let me remember how to trust Thee
remember the strength of the dose of agony
is juxtaposed to the righteous judgment You exact over me
You’ve taught me how it felt when I lied
when I cheated, heartlessly and believed it justified
You’ve presented me a taste of the torment I served
and if I could but grasp it…. such a deep lesson to be learned
I am restored
You showed me the peace
on that distant shore
it is clear
the light I reach for
is ever burning, ever brilliant and all that’s worth working toward
I can stumble in the strangulation and choke on the pain
or I can listen to You through it and remember Your design is always for the gain
if I hold on with my own hands to what I thought I obtained
it will slip right from my fingers as if it never were, it shall not remain
but if I remember it is Your hand alone I will have left to hold
then I will find the strength from Thee to break free of this stranglehold
Heal us Oh Lord then we shall be healed. Save us and then we will be saved for YOU are our praise. Tell the evil one it is enough, command him to stay his hand over our lives our marriages our families our fellowships. And if it not be Your will to demand His relent from Your servants please teach us Your purpose in it and allow us to grow even Stronger in faith and trust in You. B’Shem Yeshua HaMashaic Amein
February 5, 2016
I find myself in a hazardous storm
raging torrents violence far from norm
the words are like poison
terror seizes like a convulsion
and the dark cover spills forth
in the midst of the panic I strain to hide
I hear “Who made mouth for man, is it not I”
and remember, not with man will I be justified
but by Your Name I will find my recompense
and the pain subsides
I find myself in the midst of the sea
waves tossing, agitating, beating and weakening me
I go limp with fear and begin to drown
when I remember Your courage, and I hear the sound
“He spread out the heavens, He marches on the waves of the sea”
all at once it is Your powerful water forward pushing my belief
and I can swim with the strength in Your stability
and I make it past the currents of the lies who sought my life
and I bask in Your blue as my weakness subsides
I find myself curled up in sands and winds
every grain is like a knife scraping open my skin
I am parched and cracking and ready to burst
with unquenchable agony and a dire writhing thirst
then the sound of the wilderness whispers in my ears Your plan
“He found him in a desert, And in the howling waste land”
& I remember it is out of all these drastic places You display Your mighty hand
and I look up and see living water I didn’t notice before
springing forth from the earth, proof of your adore
and all my wanton need subsides
Father You have been dawn in the darkness, the break at the end of the long arduous trail, You are everything I need . I don’t rely on anything or anyone but You, because You are the ONE Who never fails.
Romans 11; 33 Oh, the depth of the riches both of the wisdom and knowledge of God! How unsearchable are His judgments and unfathomable His ways! 34 For who has known the mind of the Lord, or who became His counselor? 35 Or who has first given to Him that it might be paid back to him again? 36 For from Him and through Him and to Him are all things. To Him be the glory forever. Amen.
January 30, 2016
how long HaShem
how long will Your words be made small
in thunder and cloud
a voice sounding loud
shaking the earth till its core
how long will man refuse to tremble and bow
and take up the treasure You placed at the foot
of the mountain, experienced
witnessed and testified, how long till your seeds take root
Your people were there
and they stood as one
single, and vowed to obey
now scattered and diluted foundations uprooted
we have read and heard, but are not bound to do what they say?
claim to know You claim to hold You claim even to be your bride
when one says that it’s shifted, or one accepts Your word altered
in effect… one states That Witness Lied.
How long HaShem will my Kings word’s be distorted
twisted around doctrines and agendas
how long my King will we kiss you with one side
and then on the other make what You carved in stone
subject to referendum
Was it Ten words You expected us to live by
or were they just ‘headings of chapters’
or was it my King that in the two
it was the whole ‘entire Library’ You meant for us to seek after.
A sinner having tasted the pleasures of life
of substance and flesh and illusion
once illuminated…. is not subject to this delusion.
A slave scraping in the darkness
having communion with terror and death
once truly freed…. will not wrestle with ‘what was it He meant?’
the redeemed and freed, the sinner washed clean
can see that Your Teaching is not malleable
how long Hashem, how long my King
till humanity takes up with delight that which is Most Valuable.
You spoke truth
( with no expiration date)
he didn’t come to change it
I don’t require a reason, proof or explanation to believe and to do.
There are distortions on all sides, veils on all faces…I pray for that day to come soon, when the twisted becomes certain and that all eyes can see….the greatest love and gift upon creation. If you believe he is the word, which one? You entrust your way to the commands, how many? ‘Father I see that you are drawing, a line in the sand. I wan’t to be standing on Your side.’
Shabbat Shalom !
January 22, 2016
shred of doubt for me
need not evidence
do not even need to see
don’t need to touch
for I have felt
the depth of your love
outside of self
I knew You would move
and command a wave
shake mountains to crumble
make all remember Your Name
I knew that in the end
would be, that despite vast darkness
You would retain the ultimate victory
what I didn’t fathom before today
is how You have been working
making tiny waves roll
gently shaping and smoothing
the roughest of shores
that of division, disinterest, dullness
inside the four walls of these hearts….this home….
I knew You were mighty and sovereign, I knew you had command
what I didn’t quite grasp is that You held in Your hand
what for me has become my red sea split
all the while You were working….
coaxing us through it
I didn’t see the walls of living water all around
for it was dark and it was lonesome and the pain was too profound
I didn’t see that though the armies mustered their strength against me
you hardened the earth beneath my feet so that I might walk with more ease
I somehow missed that I was being washed clean and born anew
by trusting You in this journey and all the things You brought us to
And now as I stand at the banks of the shore
You’ve so patiently carved in brilliance
gazing in awe at Thee as my enemies have disappeared into the blue distance
I take up all the gifts You’ve bestowed, let us call them my tambourine
and I offer up this song of praise and wonder struck thanksgiving!Listen to the song of sea! Know what it means! If He parted waters for His people at that time…KNOW He is continually parting them for you and me! Think back, look back, and remember….how many impossible things He made happen, how many times it felt hopeless and helpless and pointless and He gave strength and reason! How immovable people and situations were transformed…how He spoke to a heart and a life was reborn. I don’t know what tomorrow brings but right now I stand in the midst of this water and know His hand, it’s profound. He asked the people to stop fretting and MOVE. To go forward in faith and watch the rest of their troubles become consumed. heart emoticon
Thank You my King, for showing me what had been there all the time…. A nation of people moving forward in a throng…KNOWING you had been splitting seas for us all along.” The Lord will fight for you while you keep silent.” Then the Lord said to Moses, “Why are you crying out to Me? Tell the sons of Israel to go forward. As for you, lift up your staff and stretch out your hand over the sea and divide it, and the sons of Israel shall [i]go through the midst of the sea on dry land.”
Exodus 14; 14-16Shabbat Shalom!
January 15, 2016
if I feel so far away
so how do I reach You?train my thoughts
while idle and vain
may the clutter and jumble
begin to form Your message
may me attentive to Your interpretationhow absurd is man
I look back
on the short span
of a week….
why did I worry?
why did I wonder?
what was it that made me trip and stumble?
When I am in Your hand,
bound to Your command,
and You are at the helm of this plan.Father have mercy on me for I have fallen short, I will never fail to fall short, and somehow You redeem my mind, my time and cause me to remember….what is important? You are Everything.
Thank You for this invitation to sanctification in Your presence I ask to remain.Shabbat Shalom!
January 8, 2016
make me small
remind me the true meaning of awe
as these moments pass and days transpire
let my face not cease to feel the heat of the fire
You snatched me from, whence I heard Thy call
make me smallAlmighty One
make me small
remind me You are totality in all
let not a day pass without words of praise
and heart felt blessings unto Thy Holy name
remove me from a stagnant stew
I get stuck in and forget to make time with You
Almighty One let Your might alone enthrall
and please I ask
make me smallFather
though You are so kind
make me small
help me thus to find
the greatness in the knowledge of how little I can do
I can not effect, can not repair, can not ever measure up…
I am nothing, powerless, worthless….without You
make me small
and therefore my pride undoIn truth
I’ve lingered too long beside
the most befouled, desecrated, abominable bed sides
I’ve taken the filth of the world and sought it as gold
I closed and barred the doors while You knocked left You in the cold
and then when I hung but by a slender futile thread….
dangling precariously helpless over the raging sea my sin and my ultimate death
You didn’t hesitate to save me
though I put You last of all….
You swiftly answered and redeemed me
so let me not forget
how far I had to fall….
make me small my King
because I forget
please make me smallin truth. You’ve answered EVERY single one of my prayers. Why? How? I ask in wonder, I am astounded. How could You love someone who sinned so much, who fails, who forgets….who betrays Your trust. Bound with cords of love that are stronger than anything, I am eternally Your willing slave, never release me.
Please humble me more, I have no words to thank You for all You have done….make no more room for me, take up every place and become the Only One.Shabbat Shalom!!
December 25, 2015
I denied you then defied you undermined all you sought to build
but you held me and you sought me kept me safe even outside of your will
I broke and I cheated yet you never raised your hand
it was that mercy and that patience which inspired my heart
to fall in love with thy command
unlike men you never berate us, underestimate us, put forth false display
unlike men you never judge falsely never chastise too harshly
never reject never betray
I thank God that though you came to be in this flesh with life and soul
you never became too much like one of us
and always shewed God’s grace manifold
on this night, as with each Sabbath
I look longingly into that light
shining forward, reminding of past words, resonating still in the
Shalom of this life
I celebrate your incarnation, every single day you’ve given me to live
for though I failed you
you still loved me
and unlike men
you have never ceased to forgive
Thank You HaShem, for the Yeshua in this world, each and every day….our hope, our salvation.
Shabbat Shalom !
December 19, 2015
I had no where left to go
I couldn’t make a claim, or claim to say
I had an excuse not to know
Once I realized everything was You
I had only once choice to make
to own up to my issues
and evaluate all of my many mistakes
once I realized You would take it all
and not a single thing was too much
I found a profound power
to let go completely and just trust
once my heart could comprehend
that every single thing had come from You
that even in the darkness
You could see it and You knew
the end of the story, the outcome of the test
the purpose for the trial and all the rest
You didn’t move me like a robot
Your mercy inspired me to love
You didn’t play me like a chess piece
You ever presented the choice, smooth or rough….
it was my steps I controlled in life
my mind was my own to submit….
I’d arrive at the better reason, if with You I filled it….
So I take that insult, I take that jab, I take that pain and take that stab
I no longer claim it came from the depths….
but hand it back to You and ask…
Why was it sent?
And at the end of the road when I am withered and old,
I will open my eyes and let Your reasons unfold.
And from there in that final, contentment
I pray I will look back and see that once I realized
it was only You, I surrendered it all…..
and trusted in the plans You drew.
I don’t have to understand it all , all I need to know is You are it. No longer will I be enslaved to the thought that there is some evil force driving me with it. Yes there is evil pain and death….You are in control of it all and I don’t have to understand Your plan, I just have to know You and trust Who You are….glorious, merciful, loving and ALL. You would never give Your children stones and snakes to see us lament and anguish….You give us the chance to see the good You can make from it. If I can give you my pain, my depression, my woe….my lack of understanding and ask You to show….letting go of the power and dominion and excuse, I grant the evil forces when I say “it just came from you”. Help me to know that when I am knocked down, its so that I can see the broken pieces of my shattered crown, pick them up and ask You to put it back together, and get up and remember there’s a place where it goes….at the feet of the King, take my crown it is Yours!
November 27, 2015
asking, requesting, pleading?
when my unclean mouth
broke vow after vow today.
what nerve have I to consider
You’d help me now, You’d come to my aide
when I’ve lied and lied today.
I asked for Your help in prayer….
told You I would try harder
to undo the anger, impatience, dismay….
now see Your servant has fallen even father.
How could I dare ask you to remain within me
unclean, unholy, uncontrolled
except that the thought of Your presence departing
tears to shreds every last bit of my beating heart
cast me not from Your sight
almighty, sovereign King…
I know I do not deserve an inch, an ounce, not a single thing!
But I need you
I can’t live without you
and I ask it of You
because I know You are willing
willing to give me another chance
to keep my word to Thee
favorable to grant the grace I can not earn and to do so abundantly
Please forgive me
I have failed You
Yes the accuser is right I have sinned
but I know that by having come in repentance
You alone can make me new once again
and stop his mouth, opposed to Your maidservantwhat am I without You? You who knew already this day I would fail. what can I say, humbled before You? thank You for giving me peace when I don’t deserve it. What a King is this, Who gives and gives, the Father of an ungrateful child, continually showing mercy, and the grandest love divine. I feel lost sometimes, only You are my touchstone, my rock and solid ground. Thank You for showing me Your cleansing power, instant….and continual, I will need it all my days…Thank You merciful Father.Shabbat Shalom!
utterances from warm feelings birthed
grateful is not a simple sentiment
when you take a look at all you’ve been given
grateful is times when you were struck down
and chose to look for hope instead of live out a frown
grateful is when you’ve got no where else to turn
but instead of crushing blow, you seek a good lesson learned
grateful is when you’ve lost it all
and remember not to forget Who holds on when you fall
so how to truly express thankfulness ?
when even in hardship you can express His Righteousnesscontentment and delight shouldn’t come merely when eaten and filled
it’s easy when we’re surrounded by love and abundance to express what we feelgrateful is essential to our every way
and if one truly looks I am sure you could find a reason to say
thank You, each and every day.May you all have a wonderful, full, blessed, memorable and meaningful thanksgiving.I am so very thankful for Hashem allowing me so many re-connections this past week, a true warm up for real gratefulness.I feel so much warmth and love even though this world all over…people are mourning and still suffering losses….there is always hope and no better reason to Praise and be truly thankful, our families, our freedom and even….losses.
November 22, 2015
which is reshaping and reconstructing civilization
a moderate doesn’t look at one form and decide to put it to the knife
to change the face it sees and does not like
it is not the voice of the few who sought refuge
shouting distorted slogans over others sounding in the room
not the few who demand communication to arrest and suspend
not the meek and persecuted who have incited this disconnectit is not fear of sparkling eyes from behind a dark veil
which cause me to consider will this way of life prevail
It is your holy books which proclaim it will be so
I don’t need to consider the question,will this be an optional way to gothere is no choice for those not aligned with what you,
in the end the truth is that all must conform to what you do
you have not come here to make a change, in the wake of this tidal wave
it is either adhere to your god, your law, your holy war or join my brethren slainwhen will the people all around me wake up and see
what is going on is not covered, masked or veiled in conspiracy
splashing up upon our shores, in our classrooms, in our capitals is the truth we can not afford
to diminish, excuse, deem irrational, the facts are legitimate and it is too late to ignorewe have been compromised
we have been corruptedfrom the shadowy cracks and crevices began the infiltration
how long will it be until we reach total saturation?
now it it so blatant and we ourselves have unbarred and thrown open the doors
only the One True King knows now, for us, what lies in storemoderates don’t worry me, women and children looking for refuge from Islamic domination and extremism don’t worry me, the minority is not the problem nor will it be a factor in the solution, it is the rule of Islam that has come to our shores. It will not surrender and not be ignored. I am not phobic- I have eyes. I am not heartless- I too, over this , have cried…. extreme is the level of danger we are all in, so what? oh what? Is the solution? Know that the choice is coming and there are only two roads. From the mild and moderate to the extreme terrorist THIS IS WHAT THEIR COMMON RULE AND DOCTRINE CALLS FOR. There IS a difference between this “religion” and others….you can stare that in the face when you take a look at the world we live in. It’s here. A MANDATORY change. And I know The One True King is calling to hearts, know where to stand and how far you’re willing to walk….and if you choose to be faithful, He will never depart. He will never ask for your blood, to inflict upon others pain…NEVER call for the beheading of those who recognize not His Name. He is the righteous God of life. If you don’t know Him now, now is the very best of times to seek. He’s calling, preparing for a massive upheaval, in hearts and minds. They will…..without a doubt, when they take over, force you to decide. Time to get right, time to make up hearts and minds. And wake up….MANDATORY CHANGE has arrived.
November 14, 2015
but all I can think of is
this is not where I am from
I live in this body and endure on this earth
but I am a soul from heaven birthedhands in warm water, scraping at burnt food on a pan
and all I can think of is
this is not who I really am
I’ve been granted this moment to exist in this flesh
for my soul to find it source I must pass this passing testfeeling nauseated, a plethora of rotting smells
this is how I know I am Yours
even here I look upward and seek the story You would tell
” and your humanity is where I placed the spark in you
it will always be striving, at every moment, for the truth….”pulling thorns out of throbbing skin
even after its gone,
I can feel it itch and sting
thus is the attachment I must break with sin
knowing while my form is working, You are yet at work withinI am here, but this is not all I can see
I know I function in a purpose You have for me
but I long, oh my Maker to be reunited with Thee
help me to realize You in every single moment
no matter how difficult this life can bethe trick, the secret I have not accomplished….how to be here in this life and stay heavenly minded. How to connect with the divine and be thankful while scrubbing toilets. To think, and feel, and exist in the pains of this world without just wanting to run away- to run out of this life. Show me how You want me to see things Lord. You mold my perception.Shabbat Shalom
November 11, 2015
my heart aches for your empty bed
whether is be because he’s off working or fighting or dead
how can I thank you for all the tears you have shed
tangled in the cold sheets of your empty bed
who can relate to the sacrifices you’ve made
while he works, and fights and dies for freedom
and hour after hour, day after day….you wait
I breathe in my freedom today and think about those hours alone
without the chance for the simple pleasures I take for granted in my home
I think about the dreams you dream
for justice, honor and glory
I thank you for what you’ve given up so that my family can live securely
no amount of gratitude and praise can fill your empty bed,
but still I thank you for your service
and mean every word I’ve said.
From a grateful civilian who honors today the departed, veterans, active duty and all the families behind them.
November 7, 2015
to what can one liken a lie spoken in malice
venomous infectious like a forked tongue slithering in the grass
but when one abides in truth
all lies become but a tickle
inactivated ineffective and fickle
to what can one liken the chastisement of a fool
like bile from the belly welling up into a writhing putrid pool
but when one produces good fruit
all accusations become neutralized
exposed exiled and unjustified
to what can one liken a stumbling block in the Way
crushing, devastating, sending waves of permeating pain
but when one walks in the light
all falsehood is crushed to dust
then blown away to destruction thrust
to what can one liken the persecution of a saint
unfathomably cruel unrelentingly tragic beyond insane
but when one is secure in the resurrection
fear becomes honor in His glory
in death, made an eternal part of His everlasting story
to what can one liken obtaining Trust in You
liberating, redeeming, security beyond what I thought I knew
and when one walks with knowledge of Your promise
no lie, no slander, no obstacle, not even death can put out the flame You lit
there are many snakes in the grass….and one liar the father of them all
but we’ve been given over the strength and power to overcome and crush it
let him fall
Father give us the only power over these venomous attacks we can ever obtain….the truth from Your word, the strength from Your spirit and to Yeshua our heritage, let us call out and remember and claim. There is one King in my heart, one Lord of my house….and in his name oh destroyer, be gone and cast out!
Weather trials and tests as storms. They come with intensity. Are frightening and sickening. But they pass. And in the end He was always with you.
Please heal us. We need You desperately.
October 30, 2015
I am here
you have found It, the answer so dear
Redeemer, Dream Keeper
One who shant slumber ne’er sleeping
the One Who heard each whimper when you laid weeping
Look no further
you’ve hit the Mark
the Origin of the starter Who set ablaze your tiny spark
Salvation, in anticipation
of a particular place I’ve made for thee
grasp a glimpse in the twilight a shadow of eternity
Look no further
I’m your Refuge
Deliverance from this generations’ deluge
Strong Tower and Protector
no power could ever dissipate what I’ve entrusted you to do
Look no further
Shield and Trustee
you have in accord with My will walked into My armory
I will clothe and all encompass you
giving you the heart you will need to truly see
Look no further
I am Comfort
after all that we’ve been through
I never fail to keep a promise
what I have Said I will surely Do
Look no further
you have found It
the Treasure and The Key
and while you thought it was you who didst the searching
it was in fact I who sought after theeOh boundless Love, I fall deeper by the minute. Helplessly wondrous, THIS. Conquer every evil incline in Your maidservant. Put to death my pride and rage and rule and reign just You alone. Let me gaze in awe and wonder….knowing I can never percieve….why You took such an interest, willing to release me, make me free. From the instant I knew true freedom meant I was free to choose devout service before You….I have longed for Your magnificent yoke and bond, to take a deeper…stronger hold. Adon, to serve You is a pleasure, to taste Your love is pure delight. Thank You for this moment, thank You for warming me with Your light.Shabbat Shalom!!!
October 16, 2015
I need to be
void of myself
for I destructively
unbridle my tongue
unleash my discontent
murmuring of my mind
let it be desolated, Lord relent….
release my from the bad habits I keep
shake me, take me back to
righteous Fear so deep
let it consume me once again
so that all though I believe it,
I didn’t treat You merely as a friend
but a King and a Sovereign
pure and Holy
unfathomable and let me be humbled
and hearken to You only
make the sounds of my inner voice
echo and resound Your Justice
the Just choice
let my roar become a faint distant whisper
remind me to be humble
let my spark not flicker…
make it sure and good and bright
make me so small…. that I merely strain to see the sight
of all my wishes
and all my plans
of all my expectation
let me see only Your commands.Lord I know I have a lot of work to do. Let this not be another time where I just give in to the evil inclination. How can I possibly think I can rectify someone or something else with this mess in my lap. You are so good and have done so much, let me remember I bear Your Name, if I’d care about how I behave in a group of men….in public, how much more so for the King of the Universe Who sees at all times. Make it real to me Lord. I need a change.
Amein!Shabbat Shalom !!
grass sure to wither
a flower bound to fade…
and more, only….
Because of You.
Because You gave me a mission,
a directive to fulfill.
I wouldn’t know a breath,
form a word,
move a muscle….
If You weren’t working
within and without the chaos and bustle.
When a unit comes together
it is made of many pieces,
You have given me a few choice themes….
and I am piecing together my thesis.
grass sure to wither
a flower bound to fade…
and yet a force to be reckoned with
because you’ve given me the choice
to bear light and opt to live
submissive to Your voice
if You can use me
I become a threat….
to all the forces and plotting of evil
my life in You is their determent.
Stab my heart
make me take a look into the dark
but I have seen the true light
basking above the nothing
revealing truth right from the start.
grass sure to wither
a flower bound to fade…
but I live here and now for a purpose
and my Creator alone
has the power to give and take away……
so if I prosper
Blessed is the Lord
Glory to Him be
and if I am cast into the trash heap
I still have the capability
to make the choice to curse Him in my plight
or to remember
how very wonderful
His hand is in this life…..I have hold of what will last forever,
whatever tomorrow holds
I have His word
I have the inspiration to be bold.Shavua Tov!!
October 7, 2015
don’t you ever feel ashamed.
Do not blush, do not beg pardon, do not shy away
because You love my Torah
because You keep it safe.
In the deepest places
I can see it when you read…
with your heart and spirit
it is my Love that fills your need.
When your eyes pass over the black and white before thee
when you feel your pulse quicken
I know that you adore Me.
Dear my child, though flawed….toward faithful I see you grasp
you dare to believe My eternal Word was made to remain and last….
you dare to trust I am unchanging, you dare take literal My truth
you dare to step in obedience to what my Torah says you should do.
So however lovingly they scoff at you
however casually meaningless they try and make it seem
don’t loose heart my servant
I have shown You the Rock in which to believe.
Stone, words, straight from heaven carved into a heart of flesh….
it doesn’t take much dancing here or there to realize what I said…I meant.
It didn’t change when it came in flesh and dwelt here on the earth
it will not be exchanged or amended from the first breath to the last birth.
Dance with Me when you are mocked my child from My Seder to My Sukkah….
your reward with My is a closeness that they have not yet felt the truth of.
Let them wonder and doubt while you progress and prove….
in keeping My word You have everything to gain and absolutely
nothing to loose.It is love, pure, real, lasting, REALIZED love which drives me to learn…keep, guard and uphold….yes promote! The Torah of my King and what He said to do. Everlasting commands which are divine, they are beautiful. I had felt like a tiny speck in my chair as it was proposed in a group offhand if not directly the folly in me believing the application of the Torah and Feasts of the Lord was irrelevant for a believer in Yeshua. But You Lord have lifted my head. You have established my steps, You have set my upon a rock, I need not falter now. Going back would be backwards and I have been entrusted with far too much to return there. I know what living water feels like when it pours out on my flesh….it is the true content of the terms of the New Covenant, when the Light is written upon a life and lived! Bearing in mind I will never reach it, I will never be able to perform it correct….but if He asked me to walk and be perfect….I believe that he desired that goal to be grasped at.
Imperfect, insufficient, I need You to show me the Truth.
Thank You for Your entire word and for giving us invitation to connect to You.”But this is the covenant which I will make with the house of Israel after those days,” declares the LORD, “I will put My Torah within them and on their heart I will write it; and I will be their God, and they shall be My people.”
Jeremiah 31;33Let not the foreigner who has joined himself to the LORD say, “The LORD will surely separate me from His people.” Nor let the eunuch say, “Behold, I am a dry tree.” For thus says the LORD, “To the eunuchs who keep My Sabbaths, And choose what pleases Me, And hold fast My covenant, to them.I will give in My house and within My walls a memorial, And a name better than that of sons and daughters; I will give them an everlasting name which will not be cut off.…Isaiah 56; 3-5The LORD said to Moses, “Behold, I will come to you in a thick cloud, so that the people may hear when I speak with you and may also believe in you forever.” Then Moses told the words of the people to the LORD.
Exodus 19; 9″For if you believed Moses, you would believe Me, for he wrote about Me. “But if you do not believe his writings, how will you believe My words?”
John 5; 46-47″But he said to him, ‘If they do not listen to Moses and the Prophets, they will not be persuaded even if someone rises from the dead.'”
Luke 16; 31When you walk about, they will guide you; When you sleep, they will watch over you; And when you awake, they will talk to you ,For the commandment is a lamp and the teaching is light; And reproofs for discipline are the way of life….
Proverbs 6; 22-23For God, who said, “Let light shine out of darkness,” made his light shine in our hearts to give us the light of the knowledge of God’s glory displayed in the face of Yeshua the Messiah.
2 Corinthians 4:6
and as the flames flickered to smoke
as all the thoughts and cares of this world’s suffering
suffocated my spirit….
You brushed golden oil of illumination over distortion, agitation….
and revealed it
the simplest Truth
there is nothing one can know of what we do
only to keep seeking after a good heart, succulent fruit
How? Where? What can one pursue….
it helps to know the right direction
to move toward it with intention
and I seek to find the heart….where did You say it would be?
In Jerusalem, Your holy City…
incredible and simple truth
not a single syllable or stroke will fall unrealized
this is my Hope, this is my dream, this is the direction toward which I strive.
It is it was and continues eternal, to be very close…to be our lives.Blessed be Hashem Who has granted rest to His people Israel, according to all He has spoken; not one word has gone unfulfilled from the entire gracious promise that He pronounced through the hand of His servant Moses. May your hearts remain perfect with Hashem our God, to follow His decrees and to observe His commandments as on this very day. I Kings 8; 56 (61)Apply your hearts to all the words which I testify against you today, with which you are to instruct your children, to be careful to perform all the words of this Torah, for it is not an empty thing for you for it is your life, and through this matter you shall prolong your days on the Land to which you cross the Jordan to possess it. Devarim 32; 46-47Just as you do not know the way of the wind, nor the nature of the embryo in a pregnant stomach, so can you never know the work of God Who makes everything. In the morning sow your seed and in the evening do not be idle, for you can not know which will succeed-this or that- or whether both are equally good. Ecclesiastes 11; 5-6This Succos has been an incredible conclusion (and beginning!) to a meaningful Fall feast cycle. Wrought with failures and triumphs. The utter sadness’s of the horror in the world laced with the divine presence which heals and reveals light which is healing. The word my heart sings is to keep going keep striving for His Kingdom and His Name because soon it will be to dark to work . Thank You Lord for all you have done and for pointing my heart in the right direction. Banish anger from my life and let me live fully each day, at your service. Let me remember to say, Hineini and Halleluyah in all things.
B’Shem Yeshua Ha Mashiac – Amein
come to Me soon
beneath the stars with the warm light of a silvery moon
in the shelter
in the warmth only I can give
come, be mine
where the temporary meets the eternity I built for us to live
while you repose below the beautiful boughs
like you never have before, let us be at One here and now
to know thee deeper to trickle into openings and pores
to be all that fills, all that is required of your admire and adore
need Me, desire Me
more than you’ve ever relied upon the fleeting….
for I am Here and I am calling
you to this appointed meetingIt’s almost time, my heart yearns for You. My flesh glows like one half of two parts, the spark and the original firestarter…knowing I will meet You there, some form, some time, some way. Like a child whose Father’s been at sea or at war or far away….I know the date You’ve set it yourself….Lord I can hardly wait!!Shabbat Shalom!!
September 18, 2015
from my own stores
I come out dry, empty handed
nothing to acquire, nothing to purchase with,
nothing to attain, nothing to create, nothing to lend
from my own will
there is total failure and folly
crumbling disaster, utter distaste ,
zero, zilch, a completely hideous waste
from my own power
what could I ever produce?
none but heartache, tears, sorrow, rotten putrid tasteless fruit
blessed is the man who draws from the well of the Lord
whose stores are abundant, overflowing, awe inspiring, free of charge
blessed is the man who gains what He holds in His hand, he who reaches to attain it and once gained….he desires more and more.
Not to keep in selfish amass but to give as a treasure which will last and last
Blessed is the man who knows he is powerless, and in that knowledge he finds the wonder in complete and total reliance….on the will of the One Who will orchestrate his fulfillment
Blessed is he who conquers powers far beyond his simple comprehension, by taking up and bearing the Name with the might to vanquish,
when he dons the merciful purpose of the One Who designs for him to
reach all he strives to accomplish
How blessed is one knowing the meekness and the
is not something which ties ones legs together causing a failure to walk, nay he becomes blind and oblivious to the term “impossibility”
under the shelter of a gracious Master in vulnerability he finds his muse
beneath the cover of a mighty King
he discovers all his Lord will enable him to do
let me stay here forever, being weak and clinging to Thy power ….
watching as You shape time and space to make what You will come to pass at each brilliant hour.
When I think there’s just too much to accomplish, too much to do, there’s no way to fulfill it ….I realize that is the truth. I have to stop and evaluate why I am doing a thing at all. And if it is for His Glory I then know….together, as He wills it, the pieces will all come together, each moment will perfectly fall. I praise You because I can do nothing on my own, I praise You because You desire our success, and I lay before Thee….my success will be that You are lifted High, that and only that….alone.
September 11, 2015
and would it have been as perfect
if it hadn’t been with you
if any moment had been different
would such brilliant light have shone through
when I streatched up in the morning
while my room was dark, eyes dim
while my toes yet dangled, I whispered
an un-expectant thanks to Him….
but I couldn’t have imagined
the perfect balance He’d orchestrate
could never have dreamed His plans…fantastic
download, out pour of spirit, glory clearly on display
to be a part of His transformation, sorrow into joy
makes me throb with awe and wonder
intricacy, planning no other power could employ
yet while I wiped the sweat away, ignored the twinges of pain
I fashioned for Your light a vessel,
and You showed me how You wanted it to be made
“If you are willing I will make the time, that you have run out of
If you will keep going I will bind you with even more unyielding love
If you sing to Me while you’re fading and doubting all the pieces will fall
I will fulfill you with My desire, I will sweep you forward
until you accomplish all
all that you set out to do
all you desired in My Name
all that I intended
and at the end you’ll find out those two were at once the Same.
Oh my King, I considered that this time would be extraordinary….but this day I got a luscious taste of the
of Your direction, when everything falls into place.
No it didn’t happen without effort, though in reality I did nothing…. it was, it IS ALL YOU.
You pressed me gently like a supportive Father, coaxing me to move toward what was right, what I wanted, and how to serve You. I know these days are rare and the glimmer is not always this sparkling and startling…. but I am warmed from top to bottom simply by What, How, Who You are…..
I just can not stop smiling.
Psalm 86; 3 Be gracious to me, O Lord,
For to You I cry all day long.
4 Make glad the soul of Your servant,
For to You, O Lord, I lift up my soul.
5 For You, Lord, are good, and ready to forgive,
And abundant in lovingkindness to all who call upon You.
6 Give ear, O Lord, to my prayer;
And give heed to the voice of my supplications!
7 In the day of my trouble I shall call upon You,
For You will answer me.
8 There is no one like You among the gods, O Lord,
Nor are there any works like Yours.
9 All nations whom You have made shall come and worship before You, O Lord,
And they shall glorify Your name.
10 For You are great and do wondrous deeds;
You alone are God.
11 Teach me Your way, O Lord;
I will walk in Your truth;
Unite my heart to fear Your name.
12 I will give thanks to You, O Lord my God, with all my heart,
And will glorify Your name forever.
13 For Your lovingkindness toward me is great,
And You have delivered my soul from the depths of Sheol.
September 6, 2015
all the things I can’t bring myself to say
can words express
the measure and the depth
a longing a need for your friendship
to know that you care, that nothing is amiss
I wake up when I should sleep
from unresolved anxiety
when I think about how you might think of me
I pray that heaven and earth move that you might see
the intentions I have toward you, what are you feeling?
What grey tasteless memory made you forget
which infectious untruth stole the joy which was meant
how have so many hundreds of hours passed without our connect
when will you realize, in this life how we’ve been blessed
I imagine if you were standing with our savior on the clouds
looking down on me from heaven, finally able to know the sound
of your voice as it bounced off the walls of my heart and mind
you’d finally be able to see me, see the love through His eyes
You’d know why I said what I said
know why I did what I do
know the reality of what I yearned for with you instead
of how it seemed to you
Here and now while you ignore
the expressions of my adore
which mirror light inside
it’s real, I can not hide
there will always be an excuse
for why the hours pass
sometimes valid sometimes vain….
but we never know our last
will you wait until from Heaven you can see my face
and wrap me in the love that was, remind me of your embrace
by then all will be different, by then it will be too late
to make use of this life we’ve been blessed in,
no more opportunity to strengthen what God made
bonds like this were in heaven formed
and on earth is the place of their power to transform
I miss you, may distance cease to be the norm
September 4, 2015
I asked for a bit of rest, and comforting
You answered with abundance and healing
I inquired of a tiny sample of Your grace
You poured out mercy, unburdening me of my mistakes
I cried and longed for a touch of Your peace
You sewed together torn garments and made me complete
everything You’ve given
I pour out my adore
for a King High Above, Untouchable, Inapproachable
all at Once
Who calls to man, for intimacy, making Himself Accessible
I am emptied
but when in Your presence
I can make sense of this mess
August 22, 2015
the water washing skin, to the drain…the world and its allure.
soft, encompassing, womb around me
comfort like this truth can shatter any boundary .
choosing, moment to moment each test
when You look into my heart, find my love for You, exceeds the rest.
I’m looking in the mirror, I see Your face in the mind of my eyes…
not a disappointed craftsman in a project failing shape
not a dissatisfied Father troubled by all my mistakes
not in disgust at my lowliness in Your superiority
do You gaze back upon my barrenness, scornfully judging me
Your eyes, if I could see them
would reveal the weight of worlds
Your garments , if I could wear them
would be as great wings unfurledon my knees
Holier than this fragile being could ever perceive
clothe me in Your light
oh curse Breaker,
cascade Your brilliance down
garments expressly crafted for Your magesty
and meant to go forth and shine
if I could flatter Thee
let me do it with the song of my soul
reach into a single window there
and touch what was once empty
becoming One….whole.Your love
I am safe, here on my knees. In the right place, before Your face
I can not look up until You beckon me to see.
There is no one else here,
though the room may be full,
when I reach up to You
for hearing, and caring, and driving
everything I do.Shabbat Shalom
August 14, 2015
Yeshua take me up as your arrow….
Holy spirit pour out as ink from a pen
Father somewhere out there
you have a son
or a daughter
who needs to hear, who longs to hear, whose waiting to hear
a word from You my Master
bring us closer
though unworthy and unclean we have become
for just a taste of You my King is captivating
hold me prisoner forever to Your righteous love
is it a love song that is needed and desired
someone lonesome feeling like they’ve found no one
is it chastisement or conviction one requires
to keep from falling into waste or come undone
is it hope that there is light upon the horizon
is it truth for someone floundering by the way
somewhere out there is a son or a daughter
who desperately desires even just one word from You
be it love, YOU ARE LOVED
be it fear, BE HOLY AS I AM HOLY
be it hope, though thou be faithless I AM FAITHFUL STILL
be it truth, LONG-SUFFERING to the 1000th
TRUSTWORTHY and JUST is He.
I am not here to fill the need,
of Your son or daughter I can feel….but can not see….
But You have, and Will and forever take heed
of the prayers of each and every one in Your family.
(we are all on a journey, though not lost at sea, all you need is to ask and believe your prayers are received.
It might take some time, but the destination will be reached….and on this course and in this journey know you are a part of a larger family….coming together to attend to one another’s needs. The Lord is restoring and cleansing to reveal who these members are, really. Making right where things went wrong, and removing what will never be made right. )
August 7, 2015
no hindrance do I seepassionate
all encompassinga silhouette
a vessel formed for Theeyou’ve brought us through the dire crags
I yet see a treacherous summit on the horizon
but in this valley of Shalom, I will bathe in your refreshmentI am so worn out in every sense of the word, but how I feel right now is incredible. A house and heart prepared for a holy convocation, a glimpse into what eternity is like. You, your true family, light, delight, peace, and rest. I need it so badly, thank You my King for this commandment.Shabbat Shalom
August 6, 2015
I’m going to headlong run into this trepidation
for I am wearied from the torment of misrepresentation
I’m going to be honest about the way I feel
have felt for so long….days, weeks, months, years
to be completely forthright will offend some of you
as much as that would pain me this is something I need to do
I hate everything about you
about the phony way you talk
I can’t endure another movement
of the hypocritical sway of your walk
even the sound of your voice
makes my stomach turn and writhe
you are cold, heartless, thoughtless….
you deceive, slander and connive.
I have fought this hate for very long
inside I have been hiding this lie
that I’d forgiven and found mercy
but I haven’t, it’s clear….though toward that I do strive.
I want to be able to ignore the way your false poses, graces and airs infect my soul
I want to reach out and grab that person you are corrupting and shake them from your hold
I want to tell them how many times you’ve hurt me
how little my life means to you
I want to show them all your shortcomings….
expose the fetid, ugly, despicable truth.
That is what I have been feeding, this evil hatred inside me…..
but now I am calling it out of the shadows….
I want everyone to see.
As much as I despise you, I loathe this darkness even more
I rebuke it in name of my savior
Yeshua, Messiah, the One that I adore.
I am going to forgive you in veracity this time….
Father You are not ignorant to all the reasons I justify
my incapability to love this person…..
though I’ve been mistreated and reviled.
Help me Father I need You, please scourge this sin from me
make me love and have the mercy
that he did as he hung from that tree.
For while they mocked he was silent,
while beaten he endured
I want to remove this malignance now….
if only that You might make me pure.
I can not draw as close to You
(with the deepest longing, I know only You can truly see)
when I am embittered, not having arrived at what I first saw as impossibility:
that I could learn to love the one who sought my demise
and triumphed in my torture, mingled venomous spit with the tears that I cried.
Only You can free me, only by Your truth….
pour out in me Your spirit.
Teach me what to do.
I can forgive you.
I forgive you.
Though you’ve never asked it from me.
I can love you.
And so here and now, my King, remove
the hatred and the bitterness, every evil wish upon you I have dreamt
and replace it with Your heartbeat
and the message, You want send.
I can see you now the way I should have seen you long ago….
as a child of God in rebellion, from the uprightness good fruit would expose.
You are lost and you are damaged
unrepentant and in denial
my heart aches for you, slipping slowly
into a pompous, self-righteous tomb sealed for revile.
I pray my King please open the doors
to the gateways of this heart
who is falling ever deeper
into the clutches of he who was a liar from the start.
Take this one from the whirlpool of delusion
each moment dragging them down….
bring this one into Your glorious light
make ears obedient to your voice, may it sound
into the hidden, dust filled chambers
of a frigid rigid heart….
breaking apart the fallow
atrophied attributes of compassion, long suffering, and remorse.
I hated you
but now I pray for you
no longer am I bound.
I hated you
but now I pray for you
with a heart that in victory can at last shout!
I seek the judgment of the Only one
who was, will be and is my King now,
I seek the mercy of the Perfect one
who makes the dead come alive and
Maybe if you know me you are thinking,
who knew she was so ugly.
I was. But I am using that fact to prove to you….
He can make anyone beautiful.
Give your unforgiveness and core bone clamoring honest spite to Him….
Put yourself on a limb, watch how He lets you soar.
If you have any that is. Perhaps it was just me.
it shook me from my suspended sleep
Rocked with emotion
from beneathdeeply humiliated
took my pain
into my veinsthe defenses You had fashioned
all the shining armor shod
led me to the answer
this attack is not of GodI flee from this place
Your presence disdains
twisted unbridled tongues
fling venomous flamesI curl up in the Womb You’ve made
the secure impregnable promised sling
which will protect Your maidservant
from each and every bought of sufferingif I be slain or torn apart
my King will resurrect this heart
and take me from their shallow grave
and return me to the cavity,where I am safein His truth in veracity
in genuine intent and purpose
bring on the attacking
for all their efforts will be worthlessI will remember
never to imitate
heinous displaysto never cause another being
to be inflicted with this painWho am I , dust and passing shadow
what is my life, temporary and futile.
Yet while a battle rages to claim Your spark from my soul
I may be damaged in the crossfire, but no flak will detour this road.
I walk each day with intention, to imitate Your love.
If wandering eyes can not see what You’ve established,
I feel sorrow for their time and the tribunal before Your throne.
I will be judged as will we all, until that moment comes….
I wait on You, I trust in You, I believe that the Light will be made known.It is hard my King, yet to Your promise I cling!Have mercy on Zion for it is the source of our life; to the one who is deeply humiliated bring salvation speedily, in our days. Blessed are You HaShem, Who gladdens Zion through her children.
When your son asks you tomorrow, “What do the testimonies, the laws, and ordinances mean that the Lord your God has commanded you?” you shall say to your son ….”the Lord commanded us to observe all these laws, to fear before the Lord our God, for our lasting good and to preserve us alive, as this day. And it shall be accounted meritorious if we observe to do all this instruction before the Lord our God, as He has commanded us.” Devarim 6; 20/24/25
July 24, 2015
Holy Spirit become the pen in my hand,
giving wings to the words I unfurl at Your command.
A tiny sparkling grain of sand,
in a vast shimmering dessert….pour out Living water on parched land.
And then it hits you….
at your weakest
when you feel like you can’t go on
when you’ve toiled
and you’ve triumphed
and you’ve fallen
then it hits you
in the silence
it has no sound
yet it echoes and it bounces
from the walls within
through your heart strings
and you learn to live again
I remember I am flesh and
I will always fail today….
I remember your forgiveness
washes all my sins away….
teach me Father
how to bury
all my troubles
stop self torment
seek and find
in the darkness
hits me right where
I needed it
into the sweet serenade
of a tormented mind
then it hits you
all the worry
all the sorrow
was a prelude
to the completion
piece by piece
being connected inside
and Whose fingers
tenderly placed them
it was You Lord
then it hits you
shimmering rays of light
gleaming from His throne
I felt like the anger and the frustration and the utter useless futile attempts to affect my situation would bring me nothing but more futility. But You created, out of nothing….something wonderful today. If I can learn to reign my tounge in, reign my thoughts in and let You lead….You will lead me, to a peace that is stronger and brighter and more powerful than anything. I trust You. I love You. I thank You. Show me how.
July 17, 2015
Where to begin?
to the One who already knew it all
how can I adeptly express an oration
which would encapsulate such ruin and devastation
when I thought I was surefooted ne’er to fall
You brought me to my knees my King
razed situations which led me to scream my King
yes You were there through it all
fright seized me with its cold uncompassionate embrace
as I trembled and stuttered pools of futility from tears pouring down my face
and in a moment I felt the assurance only your love can emplace
yet it was not hardship you promised to erase
only that You’d be there for me through it all
and for the instants of horror and helplessness
You poured out Your protection beyond that which our eyes could connect
quarrying hidden treasure behind the loathsome and burdensome piles of disorient….
to fashion garments with the finest silver lines, was what You meant
when You led us through it all
my flesh burned and twisted with repulsion at the sight
of crimson lifeblood, and a glistening knife….
even now my skin crawls at the images invading the might
You endowed me with
oh One Who is deeply involved
ravage after ravage
scarlet coal after coal
pummeling establishing…. cavernous gaping holes
bludgeon after bludgeon
from a burning bow soared sharpened arrows
tearing, searing wide and bare our most vulnerable parts… to outpour
Your reason and perspective
till twas impossible to ignore
You were shaking us
feelings never grappled with before……
how to end?
to the One Who already knew the conclusion
is in thankfulness
and humble awe
and a blissfull puzzlement
at the beautiful way you stitched together the fragmented pieces of a shattered me…..
If HaShem has wounded, will He not heal? Are not His intentions for the better, best MORE fortunate and real? Without a vow, I ask You to make me more capable of seeing….the mercy, grace and majesty in the situations You’re orchestrating. In trial teach me the tools I will need to banish doubt – You are far more powerful than even the most abundant evil….and though evil will attack and pervade, Your love will overcome and reveal…..
the truth is, You are there and You have never left….if we can see you in the easy beautiful times how much more so in the difficult trials.
July 10, 2015
knowing He was in it and for a moment your head bowed
I knew you were my sister then, in the awe we shared for a whileyou spoke up and magnified His sovereignty
unafraid to voice praise for all there to see
I knew you were my brother then, in wonder united by the Almightywhen you stayed your foot from extracting more goals
and rested in His presence allowing refreshment to unfold
I knew you were my partner then, in accordance to fill His moldyou opened your hand and gave some more
created a glimmer of hope where there was none before
I knew then we strove for a similar goal, the only thing worth reaching forwhen the tears of love shot down your face
I felt it at once, as if physical embrace….
a glimpse of the Kingdom I’d never had save for you, a sample, a preview a satisfying taste!now is the time, to recognize….
brothers, sisters, family
all around us
let not the darkness hide
we are out here,
we desire company, connection
a set apart and devoted union
fellows bondslaves of the King of kings
look around you
and find us…..
a growing, thriving, anticipating companyJohn 13; 34 “A new commandment I give to you, that you love one another, even as I have loved you, that you also love one another. 35 By this all men will know that you are My disciples, if you have love for one another.”
July 3, 2015
how do I know where you want me to be?
Where can I call home….I truly want to see
if I dwelt in hunger and heat adrift at sea,
if You basked within me, wouldn’t that be home ?
if I took refuge in a tiny shelter,
day after day absorbed in fright….
if You found me in that corner, wouldn’t I think
thoughtfully, this is home, if He resides?
if I wandered on some barren shore,
where the wild beasts howled and my feet grew sore
if Your love were my abode, could I desire anything more?
wouldn’t I call that my home?
if I were beaten and wasted and tortured and abused….
if You breathed on me some Solace, I’d dare not become confused
at home I would be
if You were there with me
So how can I, neck high in comforts galore….
deign to complain or chase after something greater, ideal, more….
than what You have allotted
Lord I finally see
are my home,
that is where I want to be.
*Yes, I will wonder…what Your plans are for me, but from this moment on, I will try and accept with peace and sincerity, You have me right where You want me to be and as long as I feel You around me I couldn’t be more complete!!
June 26, 2015
then it became a wish
I fashioned an image
and became attached to it
something I held onto and didn’t want to let go
in Your Greatness, You knew better….allowing the truth to become exposedthe delusion became
something precious to me
I had made it, created it
it was all that I could seesomething I held onto and didn’t want to let go
in Your Greatness, You knew better….allowing the truth to become exposedI fabricated reasons
justifications for my obstinance
recoiled at chastisement
and bowed down to my stubbornnesssomething I held onto and didn’t want to let go
in Your Greatness, You knew better….allowing the truth to become exposedI embedded my hope
into the futile which fails
watched it crumble around me
then in misery I wailedit was something I held onto and didn’t want to let go
in Your Greatness, You knew better….allowing the truth to become exposedYou didn’t spit on me, or kick me….though a sorry slob upon the floor
You approached me, and caressed me and put oil on my sores
Your reality reminded me what an idolater I had become
Your faithfulness called my surrender and I looked again toward the Onethe One Who surpasses, all the temporary dreams….
the One Who far over reaches all man’s finite creativity….
the One Who takes a simple plan and makes it into majesty….
the One Who redeems a faithless soul even from the depths of Idolatry….not my ways, for they are naught, merely idols I have built….take them Lord, grind them to dust, I will trust in YOUR truth, which is REAL.
June 21, 2015
I could rise to any occasionI was safe and I could see for miles
void the thought of wound or abrasionswinging upward from your mighty grasp
I am sure I’ll learn to flyI will tickle the edges of the heavens, descend intact
into your hands so sure, to trust I scarcely need tryshivering in sickness, terror, doubt or fear
your cover charges in at that momentthe roar of your comforting song brings security
and beckons unrelenting submission from all that tormentssweetness on my lips and tongue
a reward when I direly neededyour compassion boundless, soundless, eloquent
by your will a small pleasure became the treatmenta father’s love can heal all wounds if properly applieda father’s love can overpower the moon
can cause you to remember purpose and onward to strivea father’s love can heal the wounds acquired in this lifeby patience, without condition, selfless investment, a true father lends without interest and in security his sons can relyon the safe place he finds in his father’s eyes
on the peace he taps into from his heart
on the unshakable trustworthiness
on the honesty in his remarks
in his footsteps and his shadow
a flicker grows into a flame….
which will blaze forth
carving passages of righteousness
making a mark no one else can claim
a father knows that what he does
is stand tall, strong and proud….
Not for his own praise and glory
but for the purpose of being the platform
upon which his children will expound
Psalm 68; 1 – 6 But let the righteous be glad; let them exult before God; Yes, let them rejoice with gladness. Sing to God, sing praises to His name; Lift up a song for Him who rides through the deserts,
Whose name is the Lord, and exult before Him. A father of the fatherless and a judge for the widows, Is God in His holy habitation.
God makes a home for the lonely;He leads out the prisoners into prosperity, Only the rebellious dwell in a parched land.
Happy Fathers Day to all the wonderful abba’s out there!!
June 19, 2015
and for every whisper You granted a song
when I asked for an instant, the answer waxed long
and for every inch You multiplied miles
when I asked for survival, You fashioned smiles
and for every task You prepared a mission
when I asked for inspiration You implanted lofty vision
and for every measure You surmounted more and more
when I asked for comfort You completely covered and restored
and for every gesture toward balance You tipped over the scales
when my expectation met Your tenderness as You lifted up my veil
and what more could I ask of You that You have not already poured out on me
when every need I acquire You fill so super abundantly
and what fear could remain my Love when I am warmed under Your wings
when every trace of doubt is demolished by Your breath on my heart and I sing
and what could I offer You, Great One Who has no needs
when all of my desire is to lay at your feet everything
Have you experienced the One and Only Great God of Life?
The God of Love Who knows no bounds?
If you have not found your purpose, I’d like to introduce you to Him here and now….
All it takes is a simple question: “Will You come into my heart?” And if you really mean it….He will come and from there NEVER part
And Oh beloved listen….when He resides and your life starts to change, when your will becomes conformed to His ALL that once was will become rearranged.
The places you thought looked to neat and right, will be brought out and tested by the Light….there will be pain and battling and struggle and strife….of that I surely can not deny
but the most encrusted evil, the deepest cuts, the filthiest transgressions, the most corrosive lusts….He will wash away, brush away, blow away as dust…..
and transform you into someone operating completely in a functioning, life bringing, light receiving PURPOSE!
June 12, 2015
I didn’t know where they came from
but I saw your scars
even fresh bandages….from what?
I can’t fathom the extent of your wars
what you endure daily is beyond me….
but I felt you needed comforting,
so I hearkened to my King
You were in a position, a threat and opposition
you created tension, I was not at peace
with the way you made your decisions….
but I notice you waver, and saw clumsy hands shake
when you realized the moment was a soon to be mistake
I felt your angst
welling up inside,
a complete stranger….
God would not allow me to push aside
make it a flimsy distant memory
so He designed a decision I hope many eyes could see….
a gesture of love amid a whirl of reaction
yes this movement of peace formed unity within fraction
I know it was what my Beloved would have done….
and to love like Him is the only goal toward which I run.
Have you heard it said,
“the greatest of these”
I have, and having practiced it
I sink to my knees
and thank You for being so patient, and willing to teach….
to train on the job, a student so insecure and weak
Your love made something beautiful
where the darkness closed in
I am simply and utterly a drift in
I Corinthians 13; 12 For now we see in a mirror dimly, but then face to face; now I know in part, but then I will know fully just as I also have been fully known. 13 But now faith, hope, love, abide these three; but the greatest of these is love.
Blessed are You Lord my God!
June 5, 2015
at dawn, what was in my mind?
something apprehensive something hard to define
focusing on the missing, on the broken, unrefined….
again, my Love, You met me
in a grimy darkened hollow,
the threat of corruption….with Your sweet breath didst Thou swallow
entrap me with Your seduction, the Love Song within Your words
even curses inside it become sweetened when from their pathway I swiftly turn
wasn’t it in the emptiness a howling wasteland You wooed Your bride?
pour living water at the root of this blossom, untouchable seed planted deep inside
Thou hast coaxed it, tended to it, made it come to life….
Oh Ever Present, passionate….beloved ADONAI
You have enraptured this budding branch and caused her linger in the Light….
that’s what my King does
taking rotting wounds which stubbornly refuse His salve….
He reaches in and touches them, and wraps them gently with His bands
the truest form of Love that no one else could ever reveal,
when ALL that which we love becomes what HE LOVES
then everything becomes VERY real.
“I see what matters to you, and therefore it matters to me. I know that you treasure something, therefore that something is the point on which I will be focusing.”
Blessed are You Almighty King, thank You for all You are working so much bigger, deeper, more important…..beyond my meager thoughts.
Thank You for loving to Rest in us, thank You for Your Shabbat.
May 29, 2015
What a magnificently undefinable tree….
with its bends and curvatures, tendrils and shoots….
how do these branches wrap around each other so?
What happens when one notices a discolored leaf ….
which seems to be drying up and separating from rich roots
how does the tree help such a leaf stay attached, to grow?
Will two branches become woven too closely….
till one strangles the other, cutting off water to the fruit
how does one decipher which branch is meant to let go?
The green branches, who strengthens their capability
to feel at home in this tree and not experience the removed….
essence that can come with new things its never known?
The cracked branches hanging there by a string
dissociated from this grand tree and the light flowing through….
resigned to the decomposing pile of darkness below……
It is His to define His to cultivate, His to control, it is HIS Tree…
He can tend to that leaf, make it fresh and green….
He can facilitate the direction
and space which every choking tendril needs….
He can build up the new branches till they feel at home….
and secure the dried up so that it lives anew and finds growth….
there is nothing beyond Him
and that is why I know
no matter what storm or terror or trial or flood,
He has a plan for His Tree and every branch, blossom, bit of bark and bud will remain and be maintained until what He has promised
has been done….
Woe unto my angst
woe unto my anxiety
if Thou art with me, as I feel You here….
who can be against me?
Give water to the roots of our faith,
unite us and bind us together.
Teach us how to grow as one now,
that we might withstand the oncoming
May 22, 2015
dare I look back
if I did what would I see?
terror and panic
death chasing after me
violent men with their whips and swords upraised
always ravenous for my shallow unmarked grave
can I look back
if I did what would I see?
the whim of a hope for change
redemption seemed a fantasy
deliverance a dream
but You constructed it into a brilliant reality
may I look back
if I did what would I see?
centuries of oppression
scoured from me by the sea
gently as I walked through walls parted for me
for freedom, for emancipation, in deliberation
my Judge remembered “I have loved thee…”
will I look back
if I did what would I see?
a trek across a desert
still wrought with dangerous enemies
those from the outside who strike at my wearied steps
those from the inside which diminish the resolve I have left
to continue to the mountain
can you imagine!
That You have taken me this far is nearly far to much to fathom.
should I look back
if I did what would I see?
a slave, a victim….
a survivor, anew…..
and so I ask this plainly of You
mercy on my doubt, let me not look back to seek
something I feel as though I’ve left behind
mercy on my anxiety, let me not look back and tremble
I believe that You walk with me despite the mess I must resemble
mercy on my exile filth, the defilement which has accumulated
lest I ever forget, lest I ever look back and imagine I was ever there sated….
mercy on the baggage I should have disposed of on the road
on the way to the Mountain and the Glory You will soon show….
I look upon it now
staring me accusingly in the face
and I all consumingly, wholeheartedly
put it in Your hands
and ask for Your grace
perfect beings You did not invite, to this marriage….covenant
but to a lifetime of perfecting
was the document addressed
If I look back
I know right now
precisely what I’d see
You were there all along
You are here
and always will be
Does one have to wait for the Feast of Shavuot to have a Sinai experience? Revelation and elevation….they are all around us!!
But indeed the Lord in His majesty orchestrates things, places, people, conversations to perfection….as long as we are headed toward His intention, toward the mountain, toward the Light from heaven….we’re walking in the right direction.
May, 15, 2015
He the merciful One is forgiving of iniquity
and does not destroy
frequently He withdraws His anger
not arousing His entire rage
May the King answer us on the day that we call…..
When I look back upon a week, filled, overfull, and know of the rest ahead….see the respite, expect the retrieval of the sacred part of my soul….the one that connects with You in a portend of what will be eternal and unending, I breathe different….speak different….move different…..become different.
The occasion of success, You alone constructed it.
Those were the times I heard the whisper,
followed where the spirit gestured,
moved with intention and all of heart
finished the task to the end from the start…..
completion, execution, origin….all You
open doors to opportunity to serve, to hear and do.
The chances when something didn’t quite go right, my mistakes.
Mishapen masterpieces ….unformed, function distorted
pride, selfishness, the wicked tongue- dispatched and subsequently deported
the pot must be broken,
it can not work, it didn’t become filled by You,
it has no function.
Some make one vessel from time to time
In my hope, all my rooms will be filled with Thine…..
vessels for Your light, for Your love to shine
into the darkness, into thirst, into chaos…..
quenching, consolidating…..scattered pieces into One
always working, lovingly fashioning,
except when the time arrives
to rest and enjoy, what is contained in the vessels of light
this is my Hope for this
May 8, 2015
Swirling sand lingers upon parched cracking lips
Like salt upon an open wound
I am forbidden food that my tribe be exterminated
Can I find You in this exile
Exile from the basic needs of my kind
Exile from the base requirements for all life
You are there…..
Keeping me alive
It is not Thee who Withholds the nourishment I need,
But man….imposing the power of pride in creation….his judgment will come
Along with my salvation
In world or the next one
Trembling seizes my form as I hide
Terror,like storm at sea
I am bought and sold and abused like a valueless thing
Can I find you in this exile
Exile from the design of a loving bond
Exile from the shame and fear which rules my world
You are there…..
Covering my nakedness
It is not Thee Who withholds the tenderness I need,
But man….imposing the power of pride in creation….his judgment will come
Along with my salvation
In world or the next one
Tiny fingers clutching cold metal meant to kill and maim
Violence, I am bathed in it
I am exposed to lies and distortions which corrupt my budding realization
Can I find You in this exile
Exile from the truth of brotherhood
Exile from peace and a God who desires my life rather than my blood
You are there
Calling veracity into my bones
It is not Thee Who exploits me from Thine throne
But man….imposing the power of pride in creation….his judgment will come
Along with my salvation
In world or the next one
Swollen eyes shudder in the mirror an image is marred
Melancholy like poison stealing all my joy
Is my option, with none to comfort, none to talk me away….from the pain
Can I find you in this exile
Exile from meaning and purpose
Exile from counsel and consolation, none to convince me I am not worthless
You are there
Reminding me this life is not my own
It is not Thee Who berates, degrades and erases me…as if I weren’t there
But man….imposing the power of pride in creation….his judgment will come
Along with my salvation
In world or the next one
A sorrow all consuming, loss I eat drink sleep and feel….
Never ending as earth’s orbit , my world
I am at odds with all I once believed was good, true, real….
Can I find You in this exile
Exile from reality in touch, versus memories which cut
Exile from a sense of connection to all I knew of faith in love
You are there
Mourning with me, speaking in the void
It is not Thee Who intended to disdain me, rearrange me, exacting this numbing pain which was deployed
But man….imposing the power of pride in creation….his judgment will come
Along with my salvation
In world or the next one
Wherever your exiled places, however responsible you hold God to be
Try and visualize the consequences of man and his own tyranny
Where pain, where suffering, where loss and death…..
Never above does our King delight
He will find you there
Heal you there
And bring you back
If you can bring yourself to
May 1, 2015
can I be more like You in this rest?
it is imitation of what You did at the cessation of creation.
as I approach with my offering, I want it to be from the best….
removal of all pride, weariness, subtle….covert indignation…..
every week passes, each day proclaims
“this is the excellence the sublimity He hath made!”
all time is a good time to honor and glorify Most High
but there is one specified day, one extraordinary time…
You chose to bless, You chose to rest, You chose to sanctify.
You choose the when, You define the what, You appoint the where and denote How….
Your holiness, Your loftiness, Your splendor can only be approached as You alone allow.
did that mean I was rejected, if I spoke up wearing torn clothes?
when the tears swelled my eyes and unleashed my sorrow did you look with disdain upon those?
if my throat was so sore from shouting out and I knew I had to fall,
did You hide Your face from my disgrace or indifferently ignore my call?
If I thought that I had to be clean to approach….
I’d be wandering in some back alley pit, wallowing in filth, swallowing smut, I’d never deign to think I could ever claw out of it….
all time is a good time to honor and glorify Most High
but there is one specified day, one extraordinary time…
You chose to bless, You chose to rest, You chose to sanctify.
Why did You ask that it be kept Holy, that it be an expression of reliance and relent…
because You imbued it with energy, special light no man could invent……
to stop, to cease, to be refreshed….fall in love with an intimacy….
this is the heart of the observance, anticipation….hopeful longing.
The Sabbath is a glimpse of a coming Day
eternal in its nature
He holds open the window and preview into Then….
right now, as He rests within you.
“The Sabbath was given unto you, not you unto the Sabbath .” Mekilta 31;13
Then he said to them, “Shabbat was made for mankind, not mankind for Shabbat; So the Son of Man is Lord even of Shabbat.” Mark 2; 27-28
Adonai, what can I say. There is nothing I can offer you, nothing that you need from me. 119 Ministries ~ Test Everything I can muster falls short. Every single week I fail You, yet You take this time to open my heart to my failures and triumphs….revealing to me where I can improve where You have been satisfied, Oh to see You smile, well I feel it….. I feel it now, I breathe and remember what my lungs are for, I taste and remember fulfillment, I drink and refreshment consumes my soul, she was distant….until this moment. I can not wait to the day to come, a day that is all Shabbat….what a precious priceless limitless gift the peek into that eternity which this rest is….may all Creation embrace, engage and maintain it. I rest with You, in You, for You…..
if this is sacrifice…..take more!
April 24, 2015
thumbing through the racks
of volumes of words of thoughts
everything here lacks
wavering, back and forth
trying to find that just right
place to present Your present
tis only conspiracy I findshuddered images of broken dreams
things I intended to do
scattered catalogs, unfinished reams
nothing came together I could bring myself to offer Youstopping still
in silence shrill
I shed a single tear
knowing nothing done is worth remembering
if I can’t find You thereand there
and everything else melts awaywhen I can feel Your touch on my heart
feel You softly smooth my tear and remain
stay near, be the innermost PartThere is nothing I can give You, nothing I can offer…nothing You need from me. But to know You is a longing, of which I will never want to be free….just to think if a moment I could have made some dire mistake, then thought again of You with me…..a different path, with You walking along The Way, Oh Director be my direction, make each step be the one You want me to take.
April 17, 2015
a rasha רָשָׁע rages forth
taking truth, twisted….distorts
no sense of moral center, steadily descending
clawing at others, pulling them down where he is heading
the rebel is his own master
he knows there is impending disaster
he is devoted to the pursuit of what will please him
a whim of the flesh is his logic and reason,
a spectator reclines
secure, assured in his own mind
what I can touch, this is what is exists
this life passes then comes the end with no benefit
the watcher observes
unmoved remain the inner chambers
what motivates me is an impression
I am looking, not intently, seeing….but unaffected
the convicted is aware there is more
but struggles continually to walk through the open door
he wars with his flesh but can not amputate
still seeks refuge in a bed he has made
a seeker has a smooth hook in his mind
the source of the reel and Who turns it he hopes to find
he will not cease to search until he is answered
as he pursues the line beckons him faster
the in name alone believer does his duty
makes his contribution, shows up on Sunday
he sings and repeats with the word and with song
his devotion is obligation, it is not a sacred bond
the ‘saved’, believes has trust and hope
he has taken steps to secure what is defined as the lifeboat
all you have to do is come aboard, says he….
sufficiently without responsibility
beloved, his mind heart and power are given
he has separated himself from the sin he once lived in
attached himself to the One able to save
this heart can only grow stronger, and last to the final day
the servant think’s its all about Him
every breath, every reason, every purpose from within
he perceives every day as a chance to minister
he longs after and pursues the Master, Starter, Finisher
I can’t define you, neither can you….
it is not your name
but your deeds which will prove
who you are
and what was your value….
what did you invest in,
what did you leave behind…..
where did you turn for hope,
where did your alliances lie?
Was a miracle the evidence you needed to hope?
Did you make war with your desires and cut off their choking hold?
Were you moved to cry when your brother felt pain?
Did you then offer comfort or move on with disdain?
Was everything you experienced about its effect on you?
Or did you relate each occasion as an act of worship of the One Who is True?
Did you shuffle through the walk of faith, or sprint forward with intention toward each precious day?
The decomposing darkness is breaching , seeping in
will you be the salt imperishable, and the light for others to see in?
For I consider that the sufferings of this present time are not worthy to be compared with the glory that is to be revealed to us. For the anxious longing of the creation waits eagerly for the revealing of the sons of God. For the creation was subjected to futility, not willingly, but because of Him who subjected it, in hope that the creation itself also will be set free from its slavery to corruption into the freedom of the glory of the children of God. For we know that the whole creation groans and suffers the pains of childbirth together until now. And not only this, but also we ourselves, having the first fruits of the Spirit, even we ourselves groan within ourselves, waiting eagerly for adoption as sons, the redemption of our body. For in hope we have been saved, but hope that is seen is not hope; for who hopes for what he sees? But if we hope for what we do not see, with perseverance we wait eagerly for it. Romans 8;18-25
April 2, 2015
there is a moment
and everything turns around
you realize the grime and filth that has accumulated
has not been scrubbed clean
it has been grazed over, it has been touched….
but not removed.
So it’s time to get down on your hands and knees
and get close
take a look, ask the question….
how long has this been here?
How many times have I walked by it?
How many ways have I reasoned it’s existence,
giving excuses why I have not come
to this place before?
What does it mean to be born afresh?
It means I won’t stay in Egypt when You call me….
it means I can’t ask anyone else to do it for me
it means there is no reason I can offer
if I fail to answer this call….which will justify a second chance.
If I do not choose the lamb, observe it, lead him into my home, make him our lamb….
then accept the blood which he surrenders silently for me….
if I do not mark the doorways of the gates and threshold of my heart with his blood….
then You won’t really know
I am Yours
you won’t see the vermilion, vibrant sign which says,
“I trust You Lord. You alone. Please enter here, come inside….and save me from the destroying angel. Tell him to stay his hand. Tell him this is not the place where he has permission to exact your retribution…tell him, ‘She is mine. Pass on by.”
Adonai, trustworthy King….
if I could thank You for the road we have coursed, for holding me through the lashings and crushing weight of slavery to sin…each tear would tell a story, and would glimmer forth a beautiful fear,
reverence You taught me, by bringing me…gracefully, to my knees.
Twas not my grace, twas sole Your mercy…and You restrained my patiently.
How can I ever thank You for the brilliance of Your design, had I missed a pock or pit along the journey….a different end, surely, a different mind.
I don’t think I would be able to hear You, the way I am listening now….
I don’t think I’d even have wanted to listen, to submit, surrender and bow….
as I approach this time of appointment
I am again renewed with a new sense of awe
may any leaven which I have not yet seen, be considered…owner-less, tasteless, chaff and straw
may I eat of Your flesh and drink of Your blood and accept that you died to live in me
and all my brothers and sisters
for all humanity.
From here it is a new beginning,
a short journey to the sea….
when the walls part and I pass through them, I will remember this night….
and how You spared me.
Chosen, exalted, beloved….can you fathom that this is our portion? To have answered the call of the King of Kings, to serve Him in love, truth and devotion! He honors us with these set times He designed to teach us about the days to come, He bestows a crown of splendor on our heads as He promises an eternal Torah, of grace….patience….Justice…..and above all, divine all encompassing love. Take and eat and enter in to this covenantal season with a meditation…. redemption, elevation, deliverance, and Yeshua, our salvation.
Matthew 26; 26 While they were eating, Yeshua took a piece of matzah, made the b’rakhah, broke it, gave it to the talmidim and said, “Take! Eat! This is my body!” 27 Also he took a cup of wine, made the b’rakhah, and gave it to them, saying, “All of you, drink from it! 28 For this is my blood, which ratifies the New Covenant, my blood shed on behalf of many, so that they may have their sins forgiven. 29 I tell you, I will not drink this ‘fruit of the vine’ again until the day I drink new wine with you in my Father’s Kingdom.”
March 27, 2015
the worm emerged from the rotting fruit,
crawling on her belly
drenched with grime and decadence
flesh clinging to her lips
and so she slithered
wallowing in her desires
pursuing fulfillment of the self
adorning herself with mire
she gorged herself in the array of pleasures
and all of them
she sought fulfillment when she hungered
and no help
was to be found
from the innards of desperation
she felt a being form…
bones from within her trampled composition
she realized she was not a worm
why One would look on such a lowly creature
and call her from the dark
is a question that never leaves my mind
and has continually captured my heart
compassion Who knows no end
You’ve taken a twisted and filthy worm
and made her feel
like she’s considered a friend
so I stand at the summit which You have set me upon
and I gaze out into Your light
if I could fathom Your reaches
or gather Your extents
I’d just as easily shoot forth wings and fly
Soar beyond this fear and doubt
soar through the gathering storm
accelerate, escalate, skyrocket past pain
spiral and glide
But I know it is not quite time,
though the generation is ripe
and redemption is on the horizon
so here I stand,
for You have allowed me to…
and I wait for my King and His legion
thank You for bringing me up from the dust
granting the breath it took to climb
thank You for mercifully loving a worm
enough to patiently walk me to this Height
“I will never leave You
I will never forsake You
though the end of the age will come”
these words are the bread upon which now live
I pray this refining process continue
until Your work is done
the Spirit doesn’t leave because you fail or fall
He was given to us to guide us through, show us where we need to return, repent, stand up or surrender it all. I used to think because of my filth, He couldn’t bear the sight…or that He’d abandon my unholiness because of the brilliance of His light.
I know He’s there and doesn’t leave because now I realize…when I do fall, He’s the one Who has shown that to me….He’s the one who makes it feel so wrong when I am not in the light. He will not leave you, no matter where you find yourself….even when you feel like you’ve brought yourself there…. He always wants to teach you, and of your pain He is well aware. Time, trust, trial, and trying…will lead you to triumph. And then, again, another battle…another chasm to cross.
Find the Peace in trusting Him, gaze out upon His glory…
for as dark as this passing chapter is becoming, His love tells a much grander story.
March 20, 2015
I have utterly failed you
You expected only one thing
….make Me a priority
I took all that I had and I stationed it, assigned it and designated it….
I spread it out and I spread it thin
where I assumed, presumed and desired it to be
I utterly failed You
You had only one request
put our connection
…above all the rest
I served you as I saw fit, I reached and groped, I stood tall and proud
oh what a fall,
now I am where I belong
back at your feet, face down
I see how much I failed you
and all those whom You’ve gifted to me
You asked me for just one thing
…..for my steadfast fidelity
but I failed you
when I took more time on the work for the kingdom,
oh why couldn’t I see
that all my King ever wanted
……was to be close to me
I lost time I can not reclaim
once squandered, in bankruptcy I remain…
but You are the only one who can redeem it
and open my heart to understand
that can not wait
that must be
I am so sorry Lord for forgetting in the midst of all the day to day, that no matter how righteous the placement of the efforts and time we have been blessed with may seem…
it all means very little, if we’re not connecting…seeking the intimate relationship you offer.
I am so sorry I spent more time on the computer than I did in prayer. More time running my mouth, than listening to the message You wanted me to hear.
I am drowning now in tasks and expectations, things that I need Your help to pursue.
But the very first thing I want to remember, is my this love. So I honor you….
I honor You with all I have, everything good this passing shell can produce…anything good within me, it is only ever always totally from You. Thank You for Your mercy, as you reach toward me here at Your feet. I know this is not a stumbling block, but a revelation which will lead to a victory.
May I be enabled to conquer selfishness, self serving energies, may I devote the time to drawing near to Your gracious Majesty.
March 13, 2015
“that taste….it doesn’t suit me”
I am not the compiler of the recipe.
“I don’t agree with that state of mind”
I am not the visionary, not I who has defined.
” It offends me what you have to say”
Not my words, not my thoughts, not my objective on display.
” I do not accept it, there will be no cost”
Without deference to His directive, all hope is lost.
” The shift you speak of would be too intrusive”
Surrender the self, and truth is no longer illusive.
” your arrows sting and make me uncomfortable”
They are sharpened by the Source and He fashioned the bow
” who gave you the right to shoot at me”
If I abandoned this quest, without sound, I’d be found guilty.
” real love is gentle, it doesn’t hurt”
tell that to the Rock from whom you’ve been birthed
” if this is what you’re selling, find another buyer ”
olives are pressed, grapes trodden, sterling revealed by the hottest fire…
the true “Gospel Message” which we are instructed to send,
is not light and savory…it is one which will offend
there is blood and pain and trial and sorrow… emptiness and spite,
see… the world attempt to grey what has always been black and white.
There is a cloud there is a promise there is an appointment in the air,
but if we believe we’ll not be engaged in battle we will be thrust into it
if ones submission to the Authority of the Living word
from start to finish without division
’tis not an arrow which is hurled
we walk the path which has been etched out by our fathers
It has not changed it has not been replaced
it is the direction which we have chosen to go…
a surrender to His Higher Ways and trusting in His truth
is not judgment from my bow,
knowing that the easy trek is never the most beneficial
for that blood and pain and trial and sorrow…
that emptiness and spite…
will over time be transformed into a brilliant tomorrow
exposed by His pure light
if I have found that light in the Torah of Yeshua my Triumphant King
just know it is not meant to point out what you are lacking,
no it is just the sheer delight in the beauty of His wedding ring.
*ADONAI forgive me for any offense I have ever caused to Your great name, because of anything I have ever said or done or thought.
If it is Your will allow Your light to shine through my life, the life You gave me and have inspired me to Live, according to Your Torah and with the Heart of my Teacher…who lived it and revealed it perfectly. God forbid man separate Him from it any longer, may that fullness and restoration You promised continue to manifest itself in this world. May Your people all repent and return to You, Your word and Your will for our lives. Teach us how to love, teach us how to live.
Gird Your sword on Your thigh, O Mighty One,
In Your splendor and Your majesty!
And in Your majesty ride on victoriously,
For the cause of truth and meekness and righteousness;
Let Your right hand teach You awesome things.
Your arrows are sharp;
The peoples fall under You;
Your arrows are in the heart of the King’s enemies.
Your throne, O God, is forever and ever;
A scepter of uprightness is the scepter of Your kingdom.
You have loved righteousness and hated wickedness;
Therefore God, Your God, has anointed You
With the oil of joy above Your fellows.
Psalm 45; 3-7
For the word of God is living and active and sharper than any two-edged sword, and piercing as far as the division of soul and spirit, of both joints and marrow, and able to judge the thoughts and intentions of the heart.
And there is no creature hidden from His sight, but all things are open and laid bare to the eyes of Him with whom we have to do.
And I saw heaven opened, and behold, a white horse, and He who sat on it is called Faithful and True, and in righteousness He judges and wages war. His eyes a flame of fire, and on His head are many diadems; and He has a name written which no one knows except Himself. Clothed with a robe dipped in blood, and His name is called The Word of God.
Revelation 19; 11-13
and THIS is what He has said about the coming of the day of the Lord…
WHAT are we to remember….
“Remember the law of Moses My servant, even the statutes and ordinances which I commanded him in Horeb for all Israel. “Behold, I am going to send you Elijah the prophet before the coming of the great and terrible day of the Lord.He will restore the hearts of the fathers to their children and the hearts of the children to their fathers, so that I will not come and smite the land with a curse.”
Malachi 4; 4-6
March 6, 2015
You saw it
in a howling desert
when I perceived I was alone
You knew it
when I could find no pleasure
and in desperation my spirit moaned
You fashioned it
when I couldn’t see the light.
You designed it
weaving meaning and purpose into lives
there the pit it spiraled down
and I flung myself over the edge
from out of no where you took my hand and set it upon a ledge
I dangled finally realizing
what ravaged and raged beneath my feet
precariously I clung understanding
that once I let go…there would come no relief
a lifeless body who was ready to perish
suddenly replete with the strength to struggle up
onto the rock who kept me from falling, to stand and lift my eyes to seek
the light from above.
You saw it
from long ago,
You had a purpose for this life.
You knew it,
before I could ever have known,
I am a vessel, an element and strand in Your grand design.
You fashioned it
this day, right now…
and want to use me to help heal
others who are broken and wandering
ready to cast them self into that pit,
to shine light on the ledge which the darkness conceals.
I will dive in if You would but tie me off…
I will go where You will send me,
please let all come to see, know and grasp tightly that rescuing rock.
I thought it was my right once to end the life I’d been given
from there my King found me and spoke words of a love I couldn’t fathom
If I had done what my flesh claimed was the only reasonable recourse
I’d never have been able to give the downtrodden a voice.
If you think you have no purpose, or there is no consequence or effect in anything you do….
think again, He has a specified design..
and it tailored to fit only you.
Don’t give up.
Cling to the Rock.
February 27, 2015
I have lied, cheated, stolen, betrayed
I have made a mockery of His righteous just ways
I can make excuses and stand up for my name
but I’d rather endure the blows and be reckoned profane
by the accuser and the children who do his wicked will
for they close in and attack be it flaming arrow or piercing quill
I listen, and hear them bring out all my sins
“look at all the filth she has wallowed in!
who does she think she is..telling me I need Him?”
then they strike at the foundation, what the Righteous One brought together
two becoming one, with their treachery unfettered
in the midst of the storm I hear Your voice teach me how to weather
these barrages of the spiteful wicked tongue
hissing between forked teeth behind the scenes willing…” unravel and undone!”
If I am crushed tomorrow under the weight of all I once was
If the world as I know it were smashed to the depths and sunk
If by dawns light I woke to find myself alone, stinking in the dump
from there my King would find me
from there…He would raise me up.
You can slash me, oh accuser…fallen, hateful father of lies
but I serve the God Who answers and hearkens to each and every cry.
He may bring me out into the cold, He may take me through a storm
but in the end His victory is my honor to perform
He can use me from the stinking dump, from the abyss of shame and despair…
if I remember that is why I exist, to serve Him, trust Him and worship Him
yes…He can inspire me to do that from anywhere
Yes my life has turned around and become blessed beyond my imagine
but I will not ignore the reality that there may come something desperate and tragic…
to my very center, to the core of all I knew
and that is when the test will come, and I must cling to what is true.
As a servant of the Master of all , I will be slandered and despised…
but so is my King and Savior..even now…and look! He exists unbound…Most High!!
If I can endure the hardship, and by His will be sustained
someday I have the promise…of eternal life, and a new name.
A name untarnished, un-defiled, unsullied by sin and vice…
one that can never again be touched, damaged, accused and dis-reputed day and night.
Almighty I surrender all the shame and sorrow and fear
I pray that though Your children are cast down in this world… You grant them the eyes to see a future with You where they will stand spotless, righteous, without the terror of guilt and smear.
* Everyone knows who I am , what I am about. They know. They define me as they please. There are some out there who are attempting to destroy me and bring me to my knees. I will not cower down to lies there is ONE at Whose feet I prostrate. I pray blessings of peace and devotion and strength over each one of you, in this battle engaged. Be strong, hearken to HIS voice and let the other’s fall away…focus, persevere, meditate, let Him work in your life and thrive. You don’t have to be special or sacred or holy…upright and perfect to serve Him. From the pit He can call you and use you and will… just will Him to, take heed when He does, and let Him work and use you.
Romans 3;25 To demonstrate His righteousness, because in the forbearance of God He passed over the sins previously committed; 26 for the demonstration of His righteousness at the present time, so that He would be just and the justifier of the one who has faith in Yeshua.
2 Corinthians 5; 21 He made Him who knew no sin to be sin on our behalf, so that we might become the righteousness of God in Him.
February 20, 2015
drawing close as I begged You to
now that You’re here it’s hard to breathe
I am overwhelmed, trembling before You
now that You’re near show me how to see
peel away the layers of film from the lenses
blockages erupt when I am in your presence
open and bare before Him with Whom I have to do
I am burdened by sins and only You have the relief
a vessel of praise, do the seams show through?
for I was broken and tormented before approaching truth
pull out the threads of doubt which corrupt
fill my cup with Your joy, and activate this love
open and bare I’ll attempt to be, as I recount what it was which bound you and me:
you couldn’t see me while I was there…
you tore the page which read I love you
you forgot how much I cared.
it wasn’t your fault
it was age which pressed in
time, space, deterioration,
I was worried about the way you would receive
the love I indicated, wondered if you could believe…
then you took my hand and held it to your cheek
kissing it, I knew and my spirit was relieved
tears of thanksgiving I couldn’t hide…
tears of sorrow for I knew it was goodbye.
Do you remember when I told you,
“someday you’ll see me…”
and all the love I had and how genuinely
I know from that place you can see me right now,
all the things I couldn’t say, what the flesh wouldn’t allow…
are open and bare by the throne of my King
and now I know you are finally witnessing
how large a part of my life you have grown
and how, though it is sorrowful to let you go…
I can rejoice this day and with trust I can Know
you can “see me” now, and I pray to be shown
the way to best honor your memory
drawing close as I begged You to
now that You’re here it’s hard to breathe
I am overwhelmed, trembling before You
now that You’re near show me how to see
* Prayers for all those who have lost loved ones, what a torment it would be to suffer a loss of unexpected and untimely bereavement. Sorrow for the victims of terror, persecuted Christians, slain Jews…all I can think of now, is all of you.
I pray the memory of those lost and taken will illuminate a deeper connection to the One with Whom we have to do…the Lord gave, the Lord took Blessed is the Lord.
February 13, 2015
its a dank and wretched place
unable to bear the reflection of my own face
the stench of open, rotting wounds..
where despair and torment and bitterness consume
the prison of malfunctioning, eroding, perishing flesh
shall I lay here, festering, wallowing in the unrest…
shall I wail and beat my chest and spray forth woe and “doom!”
cut my feet upon the shards of broken kingdoms in ruin
or is it possible to meet the gaze of that spirit deep inside
singing sweetly in that wretched place, serenading me despite…
the foul abominations piling higher as days pass
is it possible to obtain clean water and flush out each gash
what if something pulls me out of this wretched stinking pit
and gives me hope where all was lost, helps me to find…the spark, still lit
what if this corroding corpse could somehow be brought to life
bone to bone, sinew and flesh…and new Breath to stand and fight
what if the catastrophe was transformed into brilliance
and in lying down and giving up I was deceived, I might have missed it!
You took each shard and put it back the way it was meant to be
You shattered the bonds of what death really was, tore its strangle hold off of me
Author of Creation, put everything into its place…
give us the inspiration
to come out of the pit…
and be amazed!
for Your glory, and honor and praise!
February 11, 2015
Adon, Lord, my Love, my Life…
if another moment escapes, even one more goes by…
without declaring Your honor and worship in praise
it would verge on irreverent, if I didn’t stop to proclaim
You are good, and willing to pour out in abundance
to protect us and bless us and hear us have fellowship with us…
and more than willingly You graciously have shown
a part of Your majesty we could never have known
when we arise and can breathe
and you walk us through each day
give us food in our stomachs
and the strength to stand and pray
You inspire our hearts to turn to You
there is absolutely nothing good in us…which has not originated in You
Eternal my King, Master of Creation
I thank You for the things You are orchestrating
and making come to pass
I thank You for being eternal, unchanging and steadfast
make me strong enough to face all trials, and pressings…
and delight in Your love, enduring, restoring, reviving, the only thing
my God You are Awesome
there is no resolute evidence
that proves I will not be found despised
indeedperhaps what is sure
and perhaps planned…
is that somewhere, to someone, at some point, for some reason
I will become as something
bannedunclean, reproachable, reprehensible, untoward…
inescapable conclusion reached
would anyone feel persuaded to step forward ?when everything established
dwindles into grey
all the brilliance and inspiration
is hit, falters, topples and slowly crumbles awayhow does one continue?
and where does one go?the only thing left is to seek, and make
a resolution for devotion
and in trust…keep walking, believing that The Way will become known…more than just by chance
as if all the devastation was for naught
The Way to go will be manifested
and what’s more…
He’ll teach you how to walk.He’ll strengthen and bind your weary legs
and smooth your sores with salve
He’ll replenish your worn out spirit
and give you determination you never dreamed you’d havewhen it seem’s there’s nothing left
and all is stripped and bare
take it to the Only One
Who makes something out of nothing
and has never ceased to desire…
to bring you “there”Avinu Malkeinu my Father and my King
I am ashamed that I can not utter
I’ve never doubted You,
never questioned You,
always understood Your ways…
but I can not say those things to You and that You’ve already seen…
and here on the brink of wandering, it is You Who have once again…
brought me to my knees.
You’ve taken care of me my Father each and every time I cried…you never left me in the darkness, wondering “if”…for in You, refuge, and relief…I did always find.
So why would I question if You care about the storm I find myself amid?
When each and every time I got scared, You breathed and answered…turning torrent into gentle, caressing… wind
I trust You. Teach me how to more…and show me what to do.
Because I do not know how to walk and I don’t want to go anywhere without You.
in naivety grew
but I was stubborn
and I was foul
and I had no reverence for youin youth I became enlightened
and I basked in your light
but I was curious
and I was wayward
and I wandered and lost sightin the midst of chaotic adolescence
although your voice I could hear
I didn’t listen
I didn’t follow
I consumed cloud and folly
nothing was clearin revelation
you saved me
you brought me back to the truth
you set my feet upon a rock
and I defiled it
with my pride, and my spite, even then
I dishonored youeven now
though I have come back again
and once more
on a sickbed pleading “mercy”
from there it’s hard for one to ignoreand when relief comes and you heal me
why Lord do I tend to forget
to ever thank you
ever seek you
ever trust in your sacrifice
embracing and retracing all that it meantmy King I have failed you
my King I have sinned before you
my King I have been angry
my King I have fallen down
my King I have been prideful
my King I have been complacent
my King in pain been willing to let it all crumble…
watch it fall to the ground…there are three words
which melt my woe
which lift my chin and allow me…onward to go…
there are three words which echo
in the chambers of my heart
three words which now define me…
perhaps always have, from the start
three words which make me new
and allow me to truly live
three words which are the breath and and length of days
I know you wish to give
I am yours, and I hear you…I am able now to listen
because of the three words you have graced:You are forgiven.I am humbled, I am low, where I desperately needed to go, because of your sweet answer from the loftiest throne, thank You Yeshua..thank You for forgiving each one of us. You I worship, you I trust.
it never fails
the voice inside
not breath, not blood, not visions, nor dreams…
perhaps though elements of all these things
never call me a teacher
if I ever dampen your rejoice
do not appoint me as your leader
if I speak with remnants of arrogance in my voice
who am I
on my knees
working to rightly handle it…
woe to the shepherds leading the flock to stumble
judging, scorning, demanding honor…abusing their lineage and title.
whats the use of knowledge
when man makes a prerequisite to share
what is the point of education
if love, patience, compassion and humility can be found no where
I can think I understand why we can not see one another
can not hear each others heart or allow the scales to fall that we might look
we’ve stopped tapping into the essence of the Author of the word
and stand honoring men holding books
don’t let yourself become dismayed
nor let anyone tell you, “you have no right or place”
to declare the wonder, beauty, truth…
which the Lord, and His Spirit are revealing to you
try the message against the word for certain
then profess it without fear and do not be discouraged!
why does a brother leap to action to throw a wet towel over passion ablaze?
then when one falls and is close to the fire
he can scarcely be found to meet your gaze?
Learn, grow, share, worship, learn, grow, teach, glorify! Don’t let anyone, even a fellow believer, even a shepherd dampen or darken your walk…God forbid! Keep moving forward and all the while ask, ‘how is “this” bringing me closer to’ my King?
If it’s not…shed it. If it is embrace it and walk forward in strength. His blessing will become either missing or abundantly evident.
Matthew 5; 2 He opened His mouth and began to teach them, saying,
3 “Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.
4 “Blessed are those who mourn, for they shall be comforted.
5 “Blessed are the gentle, for they shall inherit the earth.
6 “Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness, for they shall be satisfied.
7 “Blessed are the merciful, for they shall receive mercy.
8 “Blessed are the pure in heart, for they shall see God.
9 “Blessed are the peacemakers, for they shall be called sons of God.
10 “Blessed are those who have been persecuted for the sake of righteousness, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.
11 “Blessed are you when people insult you and persecute you, and falsely say all kinds of evil against you because of Me. 12 Rejoice and be glad, for your reward in heaven is great; for in the same way they persecuted the prophets who were before you.
January 16, 2015
why did you do that, why didn’t you turn away your face?
when others ignored my hunger why was it you bringing food to my place?
He gave me the means to buy, put it in my heart to want to feed..
brought forth nourishment from the earth, fashioned eyes that I could then see..
He cares for me each day and puts food on my plate,
and so all I am doing is sharing of His grace.
why did you listen to what no one else wanted to hear?
why did you give me counsel, a safe place, a sympathetic ear?
He showed me through His spirit you had a burden that I could share,
He taught me how to listen, when to respond and why I should care…
in the times I had no one to listen and almost succumbed unto fear
He was there to answer, so all I do is relate His compassion which is…most Sincere.
why did you choose to love me, when you had every reason to hate?
how did I find forgiveness from such an unapologetic state?
He forgave each one of my sins, before I even knew of them all…
before I even acknowledged Him, He had mercy and didn’t allow me to fall…
He’s the One Who taught me how to love, what love means and on my heart engraved
the realization that whatever has happens I am still connected to your fate…
why do you care so much about a family you don’t even know?
when so many have abandoned me why do you remain and stand beside me,
unafraid to let it show?
He taught me what an outcast, with no hope of connection or camaraderie…
could hope for with an Everlasting…Involved Elohim,
Who knew before my conception…what the count of hairs on my head would be.
He showed me that my brother is the One my Father knows…
and nothing and no one is hidden from His sight, therefore you are my fellow.
Is there ‘something’ you liked about me? That ‘thing’ is Him.
Did I bless you in some way…it’s because He allowed me to.
Did you see something that drew me to your heart,
that’s my King and His Spirit orchestrating a masterpiece…
If there’s any gift, any word, any gesture or response…
any mission any plan anything at all…
that has lifted you, cheered you, inspired you, strengthened you….
It’s from the Lord and Him abiding from within, and all the conviction, delight and blessings that He has freely given.
In His grace, by the blessed gift of His righteous ordinances and His trustworthy attributes and eternal nature I declare….
I am a servant of the Most High God, Maker of Heaven and earth!
Ezekiel 36;27 I will put My Spirit within you and cause you to walk in My statutes, and you will be careful to observe My ordinances.
I Corinthians 3; 7 So then neither the one who plants nor the one who waters is anything, but God who causes the growth.
John 14;10 The words that I say to you I do not speak on My own initiative, but the Father abiding in Me does His works.
I John 15; 8″My Father is glorified by this, that you bear much fruit, and so prove to be My disciples. 9″Just as the Father has loved Me, I have also loved you; abide in My love. 10 “If you keep My commandments, you will abide in My love; just as I have kept My Father’s commandments and abide in His love…
Matthew 10; 42″And whoever in the name of a disciple gives to one of these little ones even a cup of cold water to drink, truly I say to you, he shall not lose his reward.”
aside from Thee
apart from Thee
take the heart from within me and don’t return it to its place
until it is pure
with sinceritysurround this heart which is no longer mine
with the sparkling resilience
of Your crown let it shine…
not from anything that I could ever claim was inside…
nothing that ever was from my own devise
let it be known
Your anointment like an unbreakable seal
has carved out a heart which is tender, loving and real
unexpectant of return
genuine motives, all revealed
use this heart You’ve put inside me
as a testimony
all the things
my blundering lips conceal…
anointedto do Your will’why do you serve?’ the accuser jabs, ‘is it not to get something which you had already lacked,’ why do you give? the liar harangue’s, ‘is it not deep down, for something to gain’ ‘you aren’t pure,’ the wicked one molests, ‘ you’re just trying the waters, you will not pass the test’ ‘He see’s what is ugly and He is appalled’ screams the murderer who wishes the demise of us all…Don’t listen to the lies, keep on doing what is right, keep calling to God in whatever fashion, state or mess from which you might find yourself in…He want’s to use you…He WILL use your life, He made it for a reason…you just have to keep trying to find out why…what you are here for and how you can serve…just keep going and heed His voice, kick the accuser to the curb!Shabbat Shalom!!
all the efforts you have made have not been fruitful…yet
we can not jump from the desert place to paradise
He will bring us, but it may take some time.
Is it a curse to be alone,
in the quiet…solitude, wilderness wanderings, barren abode?
When the rabble and clamor of palace life is raging
can we really hear what our True Master is saying?There are two voices in desert
one whispers us to mold us into who He needs us to be
one hisses forth temptation to thieve our destinies
discernment sprouts where the spirit leads
and in this place He will provide for our needsIf you feel as though there is no relief
take a moment to reflect on what He wants you to see
though you hunger, He feeds
though you thirst, there are windows of quenching…
without some struggle- no strength is built
is it not the trial and ascension which makes a account worth mentioning?Have faith, take heart, know your Beloved has called you out…
and learning how to look for what He wants to show you
for right here, right now…
is what the journey is all about.There are two voices in the desert, God’s and the destroyer.
Moses was called out of a pampered Egyptian aristocratic existence to spend forty years as a shepherd, in the quiet in the desert and there God taught him how to listen. He taught him how to hear His voice, when the time came he did. Moses asked many questions and God did not seem to mind. It was the more he asked, the more we learned about God’s plans for His people. It was only when Moses said “I can’t” that God’s anger flared…not at him, but at the conception of defeat and lack of self confidence. Sometimes it feels like we’re making no strides that are really visible in our lives. Like we aren’t growing enough or performing enough or whatever it may be for you…but we can’t just jump from a narrow and shallow place to paradise and be ‘ready’. God is using, whatever your desert experience may be to mold, shape and prepare you for all the good He has in store for you. IF it feels like there’s only pain and suffering….look back, and think hard…like the people who having left Egypt wandered, they thirsted and they hungered to the point of crying out, but God gave them relief. I’ll bet, your sweetened spring and manna are in there somewhere….and if not, be patient…they’re coming soon.
Sometimes it feels like God is not ‘speaking’ to us, this could be because there is too much distraction. To much noise. The desert was quiet and if we can make a place…perhaps also learn how to hear….He will better be able to connect and communicate with us. This is precisely why God gave us the Sabbath…the word itself means cease. Stop, and listen.
Yeshua was called out to the desert and it was the destroyer who spoke to him, tempted him, tested him…and when he was at his weakest he spake the words of the Torah and he was strengthened to prevail over sin. It was not until he had hunger that he was given the chance to choose life…
Then came his relief for the angels ministered to him.
There are two voices we will learn in this place how to discern which is which…and in the midst of the dry desert places…how to be glad for what God is performing in each one of us. Whether we ‘see’ it yet or not.Be blessed!!Exodus 3; 4 When the Lord saw that he turned aside to look, God called to him from the midst of the bush and said, “Moses, Moses!” And he said, “Here I am.” 5 Then He said, “Do not come near here; remove your sandals from your feet, for the place on which you are standing is holy ground.” 6 He said also, “I am the God of your father, the God of Abraham the God of Isaac, and the God of Jacob.” Then Moses hid his face, for he was afraid to look at God. 7 The Lord said, “I have surely seen the affliction of My people who are in Egypt, and have given heed to their cry because of their taskmasters, for I am aware of their sufferings.Exodus 16; 25 Moses said, “Eat it today, for today is a sabbath to the Lord; today you will not find it in the field. 26 Six days you shall gather it, but on the seventh day, the sabbath, there will be none.” 27 It came about on the seventh day that some of the people went out to gather, but they found none. 28 Then the Lord said to Moses, “How long do you refuse to keep My commandments and My instructions? 29 See, the Lord has given you the sabbath; therefore He gives you bread for two days on the sixth day. Remain every man in his place; let no man go out of his place on the seventh day.” 30 So the people rested on the seventh day.Matthew 4;1 Then Jesus was led up by the Spirit into the wilderness to be tempted by the devil. 2 And after He had fasted forty days and forty nights, He then became hungry. 3 And the tempter came and said to Him, “If You are the Son of God, command that these stones become bread.” 4 But He answered and said, “It is written, ‘Man shall not live on bread alone, but on every word that proceeds out of the mouth of God.’”Shabbat Shalom!!http://trradio.com/access/studies-in-the-book-of-exodus-3/
December 26, 2014
I’ve heard your whispers from long ago
channeled your energies wherever I go
when I feel like I could give in and give up
I scrounge up more oil
just a bit, more than enough
by the firelight
and sanctity’s flame
I can feel your heart beating
gently throbbing away
asleep waiting for the very same day
resurrection to life
an eternal Sabbath the Most High has ordained
I think about you all the time
who knows how your past and my present are entwined
I remember and to me you are still alive
all the struggles and torment
are never far from my mind
the candles I light this Sabbath eve
are just one time your memory
has strengthened and inspired and awakened me
from an ungrateful, complacent shallow sleep.
One can never know the strength one will need to or be enabled to muster until the time of true tribulation and persecution arises.
This strength comes from within, from the Source from which all light comes…
our Maker and King.
I am always deeply moved and touched when I think of all the light that shone in the darkest of times…
I know we are on the brink of a recurrence of such things…
but I also know that Light will prevail
and so will the Master in Glory.
the truth is
I am returning to the dust
is on the decent from its crest
there is one thing I hope in, on one thing I can rest
knowing that as I embrace decline
at the threshold of a new beginning
you have listened, learned, taught,
I know you will thrive
when I look at you
I can plainly see
the essence of Godliness
it astounds me in a wonderful way
to hear you take up the role
as the proprietor and propagator
of a faith established since the very first day
though having lectured, struggled, communicated and upheld,
after years of lessons, sessions, directions
there’s truly only one thing
that became clear to me as I witnessed you retell….
the accounts of the battles,
miracles and favors
for patrons you did honor to
this night as their legacy
little girl, growing tall
I bask in the glow of your face
knowing God is dwelling within you
and endowing you with His grace
if I were to return to my maker this moment
I would arrive fulfilled
knowing that you have listened and retained
what is lasting, marvelous, and real.
This last night of the Feast of Dedication, I am in awe of the unexpected! God blessed our home with the rare chance to share this remembrance with a room full of students visiting from all different countries and nations. Our wonderful friends were there to share the brightest of Chankuah nights, but the best part of all is that everyone heard the iteration of the meaning behind these twinkling lights.
My daughter was asked by one of our guests as all had gathered around, “What does Chankuah mean? ” She proceeded in detail to retell the story of assimilation, battles, miracles and didn’t leave out a thing. She spoke eloquently without hesitation and I saw the spirit of God out pour. She hadn’t practiced hadn’t had time to think….it just came, and I couldn’t ask for more.
So just when you think, perhaps its in vain.
Perhaps I’m failing at my task.
I testify, all your efforts to honor God….and teach your children, will be brilliantly realized! In humility I sit at her feet, knowing she too has a lesson to teach…
about the purity of God speaking through us, without effort, strain or grief.
He can speak through children, He can speak in nature, He can even speak through the sinners heart…
I pray I will take all the lessons He’s taught me into my life, and live if out, let these lights keep burning and from His ways never depart.
” These days of Chanukah are known as the days of the Divine willingness to draw down some of His light into our own souls. When we do, we can once more merit the kind of miracles that God did for our forefathers in those days at this time. After all it is He who said, “Let there be light!” -Tziporah Heller
Happy Last Day of the Feast of Dedication!!
to let go of the brightness in your heart
to muster the bravery to surrender up
the deepest, most precious part
what would it feel like to pack a bag
for a trip with no return,
what would you say to your baby
knowing this would be the last lesson from you they might learnwhat a selfless, life preserving act
those parents had to face
when they realized this was more than just war
but an attack on an entire racewondering if their children might be enabled
to retain a remnant of their faith
in a home with different beliefs and culture
would any of their heritage remainhow frightening for each little jewel
to see the turmoil in their parents eyes
to feel it in their desperate kisses and clutches
when the moment came to say goodbyeto be torn from the lights that had guided them
and then to be alone on a journey to God knows where
and wondering what would happen
and why they could no longer be together therethe kindness of the Godly people who would take these babies in
whom they didn’t know, and hadn’t planned for is brilliant
and for all those who closed their eyes, doors and hearts…
there couldn’t be greater sin, for so many did…but the warmth and care these strangers provided is overshadowed still
by the realization which came much later when the horrors of the tragedy
became realwhen these children finally understood
what their parents had actually done
having given them a chance to live
while themselves being forced into shallow graves,
and ovensa love and unending legacy
they were able to provide
by the fervent and selfless search for a way to simply
keep their children alivewhen all the dark forces tried to snuff out
the flames of the life in these families
there were powers at work much stronger
and the effects, we today can still deeply feel and clearly seelight it conquered darkness
and it took a heart to know
when the time had come to open up ones eyes
and another how important it was to let go…More than 1.2 million Jewish children were killed in the Holocaust. 1.2 million tiny sets of fingers and toes, soft wisps of hair, little button noses….
Looking at the smiles on my children’s faces I can not help but remember, and feel an extra rush of warmth knowing how very blessed we are, we often take it all so for granted. I wondered how many of them, for some were so young, would have lit the Chanukah lights…I wonder if they’d remember, in the strange and often Christian homes they found themselves in would they ever again light the Menorah…the things which defined their becoming targeted in the first place, being Jewish, their faith and heritage…would they be able to somehow find their way to it again?
What a blessing beyond measure it was that these people took hold of the call, to save and take in a Jewish child from Europe when all the rest of the world closed its doors.On this night of Chanukah, I dreamed about the parents sacrifice, how horrific it would be to let go of your child but to deep down know it was right. Then to be such a child who was saved when so many others weren’t, knowing later the scope of the decision their parents made, and then in turn wondering…what do I do with my life!
If you had experienced this wouldn’t you think…well I was saved to do something good, to work hard and help others and pursue what so many others no longer could.Think about it this way, YOU have experienced this…these things DID take place, you are a part of them…because this is a life lesson for the HUMAN race.We do not have the right to think my life is really just my own, there will be a chance at some point to listen and heed…to make a difference and heed a call, or just close your ears, eyes, doors and act as though there is no need. No need to feel for others, half way around the world…no need to give as much as you can right where you are, instilling in your children lessons they might desperately need to take with them if, God forbid, anything might happen and they’d find themselves alone.Blessings, light, happiness, and accountability…over you, your children and all your families.Chag Chanukah Sameach!
the hum from your chest
I remember the words
which tumbled from your lips
which realized truth and light
understanding and perceptionthe way I have lost you is tragic
something I never could ever have imagined
as these lights which burn brighter
each night seems less hopeless
less futile to think…
you could return
and in this moment
my dreams are rekindled
and the impossible
not so distant
as I watch them burnthe space between us seems impassible
but in flame
my spirit is warmed
and I know
they will burn out
along with this urge
to un-rend what was torn
but while they yet flicker
I will dream of a day
when a real miracle could be performedthen I’d run to your arms
and you’d forgive me for all the pain
then you’d profess your regret and remorse
for ever having let me slip away
then, we’d be a REAL family for once
bound together by sincerity,
selflessness and trust
then I’d wash off the ashes
I had poured on my head
mourning for the loss of you,
as if deadand even though I know
it is an impossible dream
induced by the hope immense in this season
I am well aware my God can do anything
as well I know
He has His reasonsso many of us have suffered losses, and endured the pain of estrangements, connection we thought that were real crumbling around us…but my King is a healer, repairer and restorer…
and I believe
He can do the mending we perceive as impossible
in marriages, among parents and children, among brothers..sisters…friends…
within homes, families, communities and churches
and when these re-connections don’t arise as we think they should
He has something He is keeping us safe from,
and in His design we can rest assured He only wants what is BEST for us.Chag Chanukah Sameach!!!
will you be the one willing to stand in the gap
when the safety of security is breached
would I be willing to, in faith, leapits easy to maintain when there’s no accountability
veiled and shadowed, where no one can see…
but before the offering could even be received
it would require the radiation of belief
trust in the system…reliance on the Priestfor if even for a moment He failed to loose connection
it could mean disillusion, confusion, desecration of Divine Directionwithout the families assigned to raise, process and press
the oil for the lamps…just forget all the rest
if the Kohen couldn’t light the Menorah then no one else could see
or be able to function and perform right where he needed to benever doubt your significance
yes of course, we are tiny…temporary…tedious
but at the same time each one
plays an essential role in the grand scheme of all of thisall it takes is a little light
to encroach upon a blackened heart
and make those stumbling blindly wonder
if I could walk…where would I start?service and our offerings
cannot come to pass
unless we kindle the fire each day
and take that stand
shimmering in the gapcomputer screens don’t interrupt
telephones don’t chew too loud
our favorite people and places don’t elevate our anxiety
comfortable ritual and routine is easy
there are people in need, and there is more we can do…
it seems to me there’s a lot of light that needs to shine,
so we can all really take a look and see
what another feels, thinks, is going through…
and try and help them find,
the Source of it all
the Cure for it all
the answers we all desirejust a little light
and we all can see
and truly perform our service
as priests and kings.Happy Chanukah! Shavua Tov!
can not be taken from me
you can fight it all you want
pen numerous evil decrees
command that I refrain from tracking the new moon
thinking that would take away my ability to pursue
the Feasts of the Lord
shall remain its plain to see
you can seek my annihilation
even worse court assimilation
tell me to worship my own form
tell me to submit and forsake the commandments of my Lord
if you thought I would cease
trekking the course
He set aside as Holiness
you’ll need to find a much mightier forcewhat will be
has been given and not a stroke shall pass in vain
eternal is eternal
it is life, flowing through our veins
you may as well ask us to cease to breathe
to shed the very essence of why life came to be
a coat of armor
a shield of truth
forged in the fires which blaze forth from the throne
you can take them
dash them to the ground
but in then end…hide and ink is just a Torah scrolla legacy
you can not terminate
is passing over within the next generation
as sure as the salt in the sea
perpetuated by their light
you may win some of these battles…
but we will continue to fightthe end is near
anyone can see
THIS is not as it was before
the destroyer hoping to demolish God’s word
is growing weaker, soon his dominion will be nevermore
be strong oh dear beloved
weather attacks with grace and delight
keep pouring out treasure over your children
so that when terror comes…
what they feel will not be frightthey will know what is coming
they will realize how they should respond
they will not bow down or deny
they will recognize right from wrongRead this portion of the book of Maccabees 1….
then you’ll get the picture of what the Jewish people were up against.
Realize that we have seen a lot of this happen again in subtle and overt ways….
connect that what we haven’t seen yet, will likely happen again…41-43 Antiochus now issued a decree that all nations in his empire should abandon their own customs and become one people. All the Gentiles and even many of the Israelites submitted to this decree. They adopted the official pagan religion, offered sacrifices to idols, and no longer observed the Sabbath.44 The king also sent messengers with a decree to Jerusalem and all the towns of Judea, ordering the people to follow customs that were foreign to the country. 45 He ordered them not to offer burnt offerings, grain offerings, or wine offerings in the Temple, and commanded them to treat Sabbaths and festivals as ordinary work days. 46 They were even ordered to defile the Temple and the holy things in it.[e] 47 They were commanded to build pagan altars, temples, and shrines, and to sacrifice pigs and other unclean animals there. 48 They were forbidden to circumcise their sons and were required to make themselves ritually unclean in every way they could, 49 so that they would forget the Law which the Lord had given through Moses and would disobey all its commands. 50 The penalty for disobeying the king’s decree was death.51 The king not only issued the same decree throughout his whole empire, but he also appointed officials to supervise the people and commanded each town in Judea to offer pagan sacrifices. 52 Many of the Jews were ready to forsake the Law and to obey these officials. They defiled the land with their evil, 53 and their conduct forced all true Israelites to hide wherever they could.A portion of the blessings for the Feast of Dedication…”Troubles sated my soul, when with grief my strength was consumed. They had embittered my life with hardship, with the calf-like kingdom’s bondage. But with great power He brought forth the treasured ones…Bare Your holy arm and hasten End for Your Salvation, Yeshua. During all eight nights of Chanukah these lights are sacred, and we are not permitted to make ordinary use of them, but to look at them in order to express thanks and praise to Your great Name for your miracles, Your wonders and Your salvation!”As my daughter enthusiastically read in the room lit inside and out, as my son listened quietly I realized that in this night…we too have become a part of the victories which are represented in these lights. What so many fought for we are blessed to continue, in a world where more and more freedoms are taken away…what a blessed and wonderful thing to be able to do.Thank You my King, You have ordained and sustained it ALL in You abundant love.
Great is thy faithfulness, may this legacy last and be fostered and cultivated…
deep roots which can not be torn up.Shabbat Chanukah Shalom!!!!!
we just have to look
only some forget to see
wonders and favors
messages of love
from the Kingall around
one need only open their eyes
they are there
with spirit we can realize
mercies and forgiveness’s
before we’ve even begun
He heals us with His perfect loveI didn’t see it when I looked in the lens
but the moment the candles warmed the room
the dark forces vanished
I felt it in my inwards
the place You pull and tug
with Your wonders and Your favors
and Your sweet messages of lovein Your mercy and forgiveness
You painted on the blinds
two reasons to remind me
to seek all the peace I can possibly find
in my household and my family
in my heart and in my mind…why
we see them
when at first we look
sometimes it takes some darkness
to uncover what we might have forsook
selfish needs are forefront
but there in the dark
I saw it my King,
heartsdo you see them?!!I can’t explain in full
what a Chanukah miracle this ‘just so happened’
reflection in this photo is….Lord I fail and falter, but I want to rededicate, on this Feast of dedication…
and repent for all the mistakes I’ve made,
bad decisions and thoughtless actions
self serving entertainments of my thoughts…
please forgive me for ever thinking I can’t go on, I want to give up.
I live for much more than my own,
personal selfish needs.
This precious moment is a reminder, I have to survive
and do more…thrive, keep illuminating what YOU want me to teach…the generation that they will soon find themselves amid
will be wrought with terror and danger even more decadent awash with sin…
they need the armor now, that I am in the position to help give.
So strengthen me my King.
Thank You for this.
Thank You for this.Chag Chanukah Sameach!
Reflections from candle 2:
I can work all day long,
I could go around and around in circles
cleaning up each mess made…
but would you remember
the scent of a clean room,
the shape that I cut your bread into?
I could take you on outings,
make our schedule full of dates
I could buy you dresses
and toys and we could play
but would you really remember
would it impress you to recount
the meaning within it, or might you miss what life’s really all about….
in haste, in excess there is so much we miss and forget
what I recognize this moment in this tiny candle we lit
is the calm in the darkness
a symbol of the warmth and love
which subtly glows within us
placed there, tamid…continual, an echo of that which is above
for a moment there was nothing more than your tiny hand in mine
for an instant there was only that flickering flame and candle light
in a few fleeting passages the world stood still
while blessing poured into your ears
and into my cup which longed to be filled
I don’t know what you remember or what you will recall
but I do know that these lights are treasure
heritage of so many times the Chosen were surmounted yet they did not fall
someday when you gaze into your own Chanukah lights
I know it wont feel distant
but like something…instilled, deep inside
perhaps then time will stop for you too
and your cup will overflow
as mine had done by the light of this night
you in my arms
and the tiny flickering candle’s glow…
Chag Chanukah Sameach!
December 17th Chanukah night 1
A reflection from the 1st candle:
What do I see? Hope….
A little is all one needs.
The barrages of conflict do calm
and in the quiet,
the tide goes out to regain its strength
and there is hope
glimmering on a hushed shore
where violent waves
only hours before
raged, ravaged and tore….
here I can breathe,
on my knees,
this is the way its supposed to be.
There is no longer null and void
God called to the light
and it has not been suppressed.
Not overtaken, not snuffed out.
it is not easy to keep going,
but when I feel as though
the constant reminders of how weak this flesh is
are a curse
in what other way
could a King
Who saw it all in advance,
humble a haughty
Then I realize once again…
it is a blessing
and His hope
is without end.
Chag Chanukah Sameach!!
Happy Feast of Dedication
I grow weary
loose sight of why I even began to run
when it is You driving my intention
I find the strength
and continue even staring into the sunas I strive to make it happen
even if the goal is good
without Your blessing
all intensity dampens
I am left wondering if I somehow misunderstoodI want to go where You abide
I want to run there making brilliant strides
my desire is to hasten to
the place of Glory where I connect with Youif I could make my goal Your own
and race to the foot of Your majestic throne
I would cast all my plans there at Your feet
and watch as You masterfully arrange and make complete
all the efforts I could never alone have achievedthank You my King
for breathing on me, pushing me forward
giving me eyes to see
where I am going
and letting You take the Leadeverything goes so much better
when I’m running
toward Thee.Merciful Father forgive me for my many failures this week,
for not taking enough time in study in prayer in fellowship…
it wasn’t in the recipe this week. Please make it so for the week to come, I know if I ask You to establish time, You will make it and mold it and give me there strength and identify, where You want me to go what you want me to say…when You want me to move forward and when its best to just stay….
I trust that You have my best interest in design, so as insecure as I feel alone…
this is the very reason why, I crawl into Your mighty and comforting arms, fall into Your rest and let go of all alarm. Thank You Father for this time of refreshing. Thank You for giving us the blessed light in this resting.Shabbat Shalom!!
every tiny hair
I hear your heart
know your thoughts
you are there…you call to Me in quiet
you cry out in the dark
however far you’ve wandered
I still see My shining sparkin your eyes I sparkle
don’t forget Me
all of this is passing
I Am I Was and Will Be
Lasting, Penetrating, Real.don’t listen to another voice
which tells you I forgot to care
no matter how alone you feel
I Am present, I Am thereevery single whisper
every tiny hair
I hear your heart
know your thoughts
You are Mine
do not despair.* There are a lot of people I love who are experiencing a lot of pain right now. I have you all in my prayers and I pray this word helps you, I can’t express it I just know this will pass and He will pull you through. The waters may rise and we might feel like we are drowning but He will always be the life Preserver Who saves us in the time of tribulation and woe.Ezekiel 47; 3 When the man went out toward the east with a line in his hand, he measured a thousand cubits, and he led me through the water, water reaching the ankles. 4 Again he measured a thousand and led me through the water, water reaching the knees. Again he measured a thousand and led me through the water, water reaching the loins. 5 Again he measured a thousand; and it was a river that I could not ford, for the water had risen, enough water to swim in, a river that could not be forded.Jonah 2; 2 “I called out of my distress to the Lord,
And He answered me.
I cried for help from the depth of Sheol;
You heard my voice.
3 “For You had cast me into the deep,
Into the heart of the seas,
And the current engulfed me.
All Your breakers and billows passed over me.
4 “So I said, ‘I have been expelled from Your sight.
Nevertheless I will look again toward Your holy temple.’
5 “Water encompassed me to the point of death.
The great deep engulfed me,
Weeds were wrapped around my head.
6 “I descended to the roots of the mountains.
The earth with its bars was around me forever,
But You have brought up my life from the pit, O Lord my God.
7 “While I was fainting away,
I remembered the Lord,
And my prayer came to You,
Into Your holy temple.
8 “Those who regard vain idols
Forsake their faithfulness,
9 But I will sacrifice to You
With the voice of thanksgiving.
That which I have vowed I will pay.
Salvation is from the Lord.”Psalm 30:O Lord my God,
I cried to You for help, and You healed me.
3 O Lord, You have brought up my soul from Sheol;
You have kept me alive, that I would not go down to the pit.
4 Sing praise to the Lord, you His godly ones,
And give thanks to His holy name.
5 For His anger is but for a moment,
His favor is for a lifetime;
Weeping may last for the night,
But a shout of joy comes in the morning.Blessings and…Shabbat Shalom!!
May His glory and wonder be magnified each and every day!May you gaze upon the goodness of Jerusalem, all the days of your life.
PSALMS (128:5)וּרְאֵה בְּטוּב יְרוּשָׁלִָם כֹּל יְמֵי חַיֶּיךָ
תהילים קכח:הu-r’-ay b’-tuv y’-ru-sha-la-yim kol y’-may kha-ye-kha
there’s no way
you could ever know
she said no you don’t
and there’s nothing you can do
to make it go awayI love you
love you too
but we just have two different viewscan I pray with you
and thank you
still this pain is more than I know what to do withI never hurt anyone this much
how could this be fair
don’t come too close
don’t touchI want to come close
but the distance is just too muchstillI know the bridge…
if she will allow it
the spirit will fix it
help my spirit to know how to express it
address it…I can’t know your pain.
but I know of One
who went to torture
certain deathhe didn’t cry
he didn’t plead
he was led to the slaughter
like the lamb
and promised seed…he died for you
as he died for me
and this is where we can meet
find commonalityhe knows your pain and all the more
for He sat most high
and was spat on
tossed to the floorhe knows your tears
he cried them too
many years ago
when he knew there would bea you
and a me
in this quiet roomso I reach for your hand
and another kiss
and I pray for comfort
and peace in thiseven if you don’t meet him tomorrow
you will someday
and at that time
there won’t be any more painyou’ll be able to know my heart
and hear what I tried to say…I see the beauty
in the thorns which tore his brow
is it blasphemy!
here’s why, because with that sacrifice…
he tore off our shackles…
all our shackles to sin…
for all time…
Revelation 1; 5 from Jesus Christ, the faithful witness, the firstborn of the dead, and the ruler of the kings of the earth. To Him who loves us and released us from our sins by His blood— 6 and He has made us to be a kingdom, priests to His God and Father—to Him be the glory and the dominion forever and ever. Amen. 7 Behold, He is coming with the clouds, and every eye will see Him, even those who pierced Him; and all the tribes of the earth will mourn over Him. So it is to be. Amen.
I want to live for Him
and I know you feel it’d be simpler to die…
either way, in His shadow
we both can reside….
he died for you
as he died for me
and this is where we can meet
I don’t know what to say, what do I say to someone I love so dearly who is ready to say, “goodbye” in so much pain, what can I express, what more could I offer, all I want is her to know how much she means…to comfort her somehow, Lord so may it be…I am thankful for this and all the memories, perhaps tomorrow the Spirit will be allowed to work in me, perhaps he has already.
I know there are many of us who have suffered and will suffer loss, don’t waste a minute. Ask the Lord how to use this time.
I know I need help, and only in Him will I seek and find.
in our lives
as in nature
there is a vast sense of
it is encompassing
profoundin minutia we sneer
to busy to cease
then triviality is transformed into vitality
when we are rocked off our feetby a blow
to the senses
the coresomeone lost
and from here one might ask the question
is there to be thankful for?there is a glimmer of hope
quivering and real…
waiting for you to choose to see it…
consent to reconsider helpless
pick up the pieces
and rebuildand He the Master Artisan
and endless might
will teach you
again the meaning of wonder
and remind you
of His delightHe has never asked
what is impossible
to be elated when there’s so much pain
He’s only asked you to choose to see Him
and it is from Here
He will open your heart, from here explainlife and love may dangle
on such a thin
from dust we came
to dust return
and I am thankful
the end.Happy Thanksgiving everyone,
have a wonderful blessed time of bounty and fellowship!Isaiah 26; 16 O Lord, they sought You in distress; They could only whisper a prayer, Your chastening was upon them.
17 As the pregnant woman approaches the time to give birth, She writhes and cries out in her labor pains,thus were we before You, O Lord.
18 We were pregnant, we writhed in labor, We gave birth, as it seems, only to wind. We could not accomplish deliverance for the earth, Nor were inhabitants of the world born.19 Your dead will live;
Their corpses will rise.
You who lie in the dust, awake and shout for joy,
For your dew is as the dew of the dawn,
And the earth will give birth to the departed spirits.20 Come, my people, enter into your rooms
And close your doors behind you;
Hide for a little while
Until indignation runs its course.
21 For behold, the Lord is about to come out from His place
To punish the inhabitants of the earth for their iniquity;
And the earth will reveal her bloodshed
And will no longer cover her slain.(I don’t know what yall’s traditions are, usually there’s some “and what are you thankful for” round that happens…this year I would say:
Resurrection. In the now and the distant future. In physicality and spirituality. This is my hope, and it is trustworthy. How about you? )
when I ask Thee to take all distractions away
I beckon, speak through me, my Master and say
what even one of your children needs to hear…
somewhere out there in the wilderness, in the frayfor I looked around and I trembled at the sight
the realization made me shudder, convulse in Your might
this struggle among brothers began from the womb
long long ago You foresaw all this doom
You told of a time when the older would serve,
then as his power heightened the younger…
could only helplessly observe
blood shed onto pages where Your holy Name was etched
now how are we to feel my King,
what do we do with the time we have left?
there is something much deeper here do we really see what it meant?
Your servant is blamed for being drawn to pray,
on the mount of the Temple which will be rebuilt once again…
is it being said he can not go back there or he might be cut off,
it is said even in the shadow another sacred set of rooms…
he is forbidden to pray there, lest there is armor at the entry
more militarization required for worship to resume…
So our eyes still wet from the tears that have dropped
are forced away from the heart, from the center, holiest spot
‘give up’ the world says and do not try and return
yes violence prevails in more ways than one…
if we forget God centered goals and refuse to learn
the wicked one would love this fact
he has frightened some enough to want to turn their backs
from the Temple and the holiest Place
Lord make us awaken to the sanctity of these days…
where we will stand does make a difference
let us refuse the past of least resistancewhat is this all about?
the Jews have been forbidden to return to pray at the Temple Mount
Furthermore the Chief Rabbi has expressed Jews are not to enter any synagogue to pray…unless there is an armored guard at the entrance, blocking the way…
if these aren’t stumbling blocks that are immense and profuse!
This is precisely what the wicked evil of the recent and ongoing violence wished to do.
Frighten, impose, cause eyes to look away and hearts to close…
I don’t have the answer, there is one Who Knows…
He is grabbing our attention, in the Torah…by each word He chose.
In the same week of brother massacring brother, we read about Jaccob and Esau struggling from the womb, and now there is only one thing we can do…jump into the boat, the ark of Life
and search and search with all our might.
I am amazed at His Glory and insight, I pray He would speak to all our hearts tonight.Listen:
all have abandoned her
she is frightened and brokenhearted
her body’s been abused
the world and its lusts
stole from her
all she thought she knew
I want to help her
but there is nothing I can doshe’s complacent
everything’s about her
she’s filled with pride and indignation
her body is her tool
the world and its lusts
she scoffs at the truth
I want to help her
but there’s nothing I can doshe’s worthless
that’s what the Liar told her
she’s filled with the will to end it all
her body, a cloud of doom
the world and its lusts
he told her heart “there’s no truth for you”
I want to help her
but there’s nothing I can doshe’s fighting
standing up with those around her
she believes she can survive
her body, her offering
she’s a soldier, fighting the ruthless
and the world still can’t grasp the truth
I want to help her
but there’s nothing I can doa bordello
a hidden corner
in a closet
a dark room
on dance floor
in a fantasy
on a battle field
at a bus stop
our sisters are being consumed
by a spirit who tells them
“you are an object to be mistreated, used and thrown away”
“you are perfect right where you are, there’s nothing more…don’t listen, don’t obey”
“you have nothing to offer, you life is in your hands alone, remove the breath remove the pain”
“you are justified to kill by any means, another woman or child are not to be pitied…if it means more Jews will die and we can take away their holy city…”There’s a battle raging.
Human trafficking, molestation, rape, abuse…
The life lived selfishly with no recognition of the intensity of these days,
godless, reason-less, without accountability or excuse…
where unborn lives are laid waste.
Losses of loved ones, depression…
marriages falling apart.
People are loosing their value of life, and can’t see the light…
much less hope for a fresh start.
Women and children trapped into an ideology of death,
where its encouraged to kill as long as it’s an infidel…anyone else, their voices must be put to rest.
Soldiers on the promised soil being slashed and run over by cars,
while the world has no idea…of the true danger for the sand and stars.There’s nothing I can do to help,
there’s nothing I can do…
in the grand scope and scale of things, yes. That is partially true.Life and death aren’t in our hands, although some like to think so…
we can not change a rivers course or tell the wind where to go…
so how could we deign ask the Creator, “What is this ? How could You? “But are we helpless, hapless, witless, piles crumpled on the floor?
Or do we realize with our voice we can do, we can offer something more?Prayers for those in trouble, for ourselves when we are lost…
they ARE HEARD and valued and what brothers and sisters is the cost?
To take some time and investigate
what is going on in this world
as time draws close
and so does He
take the time to pray
in the open
letting others know.
There is a God above this chaos
and He is directly, concernedly involved…
with all of His creation
ALL these problems He WILL solve.I get sick in the dark,
I get sad and hollow…
but from there we must look up.
Remembering the victory in tomorrow,
it is enough.Enough to make a difference
even if in one single life,
it’s time to get up…
time to start hoping…
and cease listening to the lies.And though He slay me I will trust in Him
and though He may linger I will continue to wait eagerlyBlessings to you all and Shabbat shalom!!Ephesians 6; 10 Finally, be strong in the Lord and in the strength of His might. 11 Put on the full armor of God, so that you will be able to stand firm against the schemes of the devil. 12 For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the powers, against the world forces of this darkness, against the spiritual forces of wickedness in the heavenly places. 13 Therefore, take up the full armor of God, so that you will be able to resist in the evil day, and having done everything, to stand firm….
18 With all prayer and petition pray at all times in the Spirit, and with this in view, be on the alert with all perseverance and petition for all the saints…
the One God of all Creation
changesnow, rain, sleet,
burning, beating heat…
light and merry
or a heavy burden to carry
the resilient in the Lord live revival
each time they stop their day
to bend their head and pray
each time they want to faint
and allow Him to give them restraint
they take Him from within them
on the way
they show others His nature
through the kind words they say
from the heart…
which sets them apart
wherever they go
one thing is certain…
God’s eternal promises are the prize at the end of their road.Every day, week, month, even our varying emotions from hour to hour…are seasons which our King is taking us through.
We long for friendship, true connection, happy relationships….
and as blessed as these are, as necessary and meaningful…
there’s bound to be struggle and let down.
Not so with my King.
He makes darkness into shelters…
raises the sleeping dead…
oh how very wonderful it would be if He would but consider me a friend.
So I’ll stop on the way, and bow at His feet…
revive me my King!Have a wonderful, spirit filled, happy blessed day!!Deuteronomy 11; 18 “You shall therefore impress these words of mine on your heart and on your soul; and you shall bind them as a sign on your hand, and they shall be as frontals on your forehead. 19 You shall teach them to your sons, talking of them when you sit in your house and when you walk along the road and when you lie down and when you rise up. 20 You shall write them on the doorposts of your house and on your gates, 21 so that your days and the days of your sons may be multiplied on the land which the Lord swore to your fathers to give them, as long as the heavens remain above the earth. 22 For if you are careful to keep all this commandment which I am commanding you to do, to love the Lord your God, to walk in all His ways and hold fast to Him, 23 then the Lord will drive out all these nations from before you, and you will dispossess nations greater and mightier than you. 24 Every place on which the sole of your foot treads shall be yours; your border will be from the wilderness to Lebanon, and from the river, the river Euphrates, as far as the western sea. 25 No man will be able to stand before you; the Lord your God will lay the dread of you and the fear of you on all the land on which you set foot, as He has spoken to you.
when my world was split in two
I thought one thing would happen
and planned it through and through
outside forces invisible beyond my futile control
rewrote my expectations, confounding all I thought I knew
a teetering pile of broken pieces stacked on one another
as time went on You picked them up and put them back togetherFull force with every breath,all intention toward Your truth
presuming everyone would see and feel
desire to reach out and grasp good fruit
I wavered then, on an island, howling desert all alone
from there Your Presence hastened, blossomed, steadily it Grew
You made me able to walk with soul, even if solo
You helped me to understand even in the wilderness, one finds life anewSo now the world it trembles, shaking, wheeling round
I have looked and noticed the faithful growing few
though seed once planted on good ground
has withered, been plucked, irreverently tossed into a stew
of lying lips, corruption, inconceivable violence
if reason ruled a day on earth, she surely now withdrewI feel frightened in this temporary field I find myself
wandering with down turned eyes
because I stumble
I lick my wounds but they don’t heal
starved and thirsty
sad and dark
I can not see through the lies….
as if always there
gently nudging my down turned head
with the caress of His powerful brow
He changes it all
in an instant reminds….darkness does not last forever
there is the promise of peace on a distant shore
and in that tomorrow He has fashioned by a mighty roar
brilliance and unity, His sovereign order
and a Kingdom for His glory…forevermore.- I know its scary, its sad and its confusing. Thank God it’s not us in command of it all. Sometimes I feel like I’ll split right in half. Anger, pride, hastiness come at me with flaming arrows all day…but He is there, to lend the helping Hand we need. Don’t forget to ask for it, freely given, from our knees! God is so good, He will make all the mess into brilliance.
I am humbled
how could someone so flawed and dross
be enabled, beckoned into Your tremendous presence
all my words fall short, I am at a loss…
clear panes of glass and I saw the dove fly
He was far away in the bright blue sky
You told me then, I was driving somewhere
there was someone You had fashioned and lovingly prepared
I didn’t realize when I met Him how ordained our time would be
I couldn’t fathom where You would take us, building up this family
clear panes of glass and I saw the dove again
He was drawing nearer, while I was caving in
I thought that I might loose Him, never again come close
the space seemed impassable the distance too gross
when I fell He descended down
Oh how Lord could it be!
The mighty King of majesty took the time to come to me…
He spread His wings around me and He spoke about His love
unfailing and trustworthy
I hearkened to the Dove
For all the twists and turns, darkened passages on this road
You have made it all for the good
that Your great mercies might unfold
clear panes of glass stars twinkling in the sky
I feel You in my deepest heart
as miles and miles whiz by
Draw me unto You my Dove
I want nothing else
open my heart make me long to look
through the windows You have set Yourself
I am grown and no longer seek vain fantasy
from the other side of the panes of glass…
separating us on earth and the heavenlies
sits a child, eagerly watching…wanting…waiting…ready for the KingI Corinthians 13; 8 Love never fails; but if there are gifts of prophecy, they will be done away; if there are tongues, they will cease; if there is knowledge, it will be done away. 9 For we know in part and we prophesy in part; 10 but when the perfect comes, the partial will be done away. 11 When I was a child, I used to speak like a child, think like a child, reason like a child; when I became a man, I did away with childish things. 12 For now we see in a glass dimly, but then face to face; now I know in part, but then I will know fully just as I also have been fully known. 13 But now faith, hope, love, abide these three; but the greatest of these is love.There aren’t words to express how grateful I am that Yeshua saved me from the pit I had dug for myself. No that wasn’t in my youth when I was spiraling out of control. No it wasn’t when I was barely grasping the truth and becoming arrogant in my own knowledge. No it wasn’t long ago..or in the distant past, it was even yesterday when I overlooked someones heart, when I got angry, when I spoke a careless word…He saves me everyday. Everyday He shows us all something new…something He’d like to cut away that we could see less and less of ourselves and more and more of Him. More and more of each other. Why are we here? What is the point? I keep asking and the only answer I have been shown…He has a plan and a place for each one of us, and while we eagerly await the Kingdom, LIFE…that for which He died, its about here and NOW. Helping each other, healing the world, and bearing with each other in love and patience. Forgiving…forgiving, so that He may be enabled to forgive us. I remember looking out the window of the car one summer knowing my King had allowed me to meet my husband. Last night as I drove with him home, a sweet home He has provided, with our three sleeping children in the back, I realized while I held his warm hand…God had ordained that moment from its inception. The spirit filled me and I am humbled and amazed at all He has graced me to do…I pray each one of us will go out with a bang! With a spark and with light…using each moment we have left before His return. To give love and show it, even in difficult situations, in an ever darkening world….
Shine beloved and be blessed and delighted by his love!
October 26, 2014
The word used for the closing the door God did on behalf of Noah (whose name means rest, comfort) = CAGAR: to shut up -as in to protect, may be seen translated as shut out, closed up, surrendered.Genesis 7; 15 So they went into the ark to Noah, by twos of all flesh in which was the breath of life. 16 Those that entered, male and female of all flesh, entered as God had commanded him; and the Lord closed (CAGAR) it behind him. 17 Then the flood came upon the earth for forty days, and the water increased and lifted up the ark, so that it rose above the earth. 18 The water prevailed and increased greatly upon the earth, and the ark floated on the surface of the water. 19 The water prevailed more and more upon the earth, so that all the high mountains everywhere under the heavens were covered. 20 The water prevailed fifteen cubits higher, and the mountains were covered. 21 All flesh that moved on the earth perished, birds and cattle and beasts and every swarming thing that swarms upon the earth, and all mankind; 22 of all that was on the dry land, all in whose nostrils was the breath of the spirit of life, died. 23 Thus He blotted out every living thing that was upon the face of the land, from man to animals to creeping things and to birds of the sky, and they were blotted out from the earth; and only Noah was left, together with those that were with him in the ark.-I have had my daughter ask before and wondered myself, “were there people trying to get into the ark after it was closed…once they saw the chaotic waters rising?” What I saw today was amazing to me, the door of the ark was narrow. Even though the clean animals were to be brought SEVEN pairs, they all entered TWO by two…denoting the small space to enter in from. A narrow passage and the Head of the House…God, closes the door behind them.Luke 13; 23 And someone said to Him, “Lord, are there a few who are being saved?” And He said to them, 24 “Strive to enter through the narrow door; for many, I tell you, will seek to enter and will not be able. 25 Once the head of the house gets up and shuts (APOKELIO) the door, and you begin to stand outside and knock on the door, saying, ‘Lord, open up to us!’ then He will answer and say to you, ‘I do not know where you are from. “–The form of this word in the Greek is found ONLY HERE in Luke for “shuts” the door : APOKLEIO- to close fully. The word KLEIO meaning to close is found in another place…I believe Yeshua is trying to warn us.Matthew 25; 6 But at midnight there was a shout, ‘Behold, the bridegroom! Come out to meet him.’ 7 Then all those virgins rose and trimmed their lamps. 8 The foolish said to the prudent, ‘Give us some of your oil, for our lamps are going out.’ 9 But the prudent answered, ‘No, there will not be enough for us and you too; go instead to the dealers and buy some for yourselves.’ 10 And while they were going away to make the purchase, the bridegroom came, and those who were ready went in with him to the wedding feast; and the door was shut (KLEIO). 11 Later the other virgins also came, saying, ‘Lord, lord, open up for us.’ 12 But he answered, ‘Truly I say to you, I do not know you.’ 13 Be on the alert then, for you do not know the day nor the hour.–What is happening now? The world is being flooded by evil and we are on the mountaintop just at the cusp of the promise…the return, are we prepared? Now is the time to hearken to the call to enter the Ark, entering through the narrow gate, and being enclosed in the security by the hand of the Head of the house. I don’t want to be knocking outside, too late…nor do I want that for anyone else…talk about the Lord, pray in public, give Him praises so others can hear…share the word, tote your bible with you, keep it in your car, in your purse…go out on a limb and ask the stranger if he needs prayer, bless someone in passing…shine His light and let the Kingdom be seen now! Concern yourself with current events especially about Israel, concern yourself with the Land and supporting them…pray for Israel.Blessed are You Lord my God, Gracious giver of the Torah. ameinan older relevant blog post: https://safeguardingtheeternal.wordpress.com/2013/10/28/the-narrow-gate-through-him/
You have left me breathless
You meant it
I kneel to You
I reeled with You
I feel because of You
I am revived
I danced with You,
around and around we twirl
In a blessing You closed
with a blessing we begin again
every minute spent
linen and silk billowing
hold not a breath or hint to Your magnitude and tender touch….streaming
in each and every cycle’s round
it is New
mysteries and actualities surrounding me
as I dance with You again…
may this reeling never end
that IS what You saidthere is not an end to the Torah scroll…
it is when we reach the last word
we immediately go back to the beginning.
Here, there, everywhere…it is all about Him and He is the Word made flesh….
waiting to be found.
May we never stop seeking, never cease turning, never release the Hand outstreached, Holding us close in this blessed…beautiful dance.Happy Simchas Torah and
Chazak Chazak and may we be strengthened!
B’Shem Yeshua HaMashiac, AmeinJohn 1; 1 In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God. 2 He was in the beginning with God. 3 All things came into being through Him, and apart from Him nothing came into being that has come into being. 4 In Him was life, and the life was the Light of men. 5 The Light shines in the darkness, and the darkness did not comprehend it.
AMOS 9:11בַּיּוֹם הַהוּא אָקִים אֶת סֻכַּת דָּוִיד הַנֹּפֶלֶת וְגָדַרְתִּי אֶת פִּרְצֵיהֶן וַהֲרִסֹתָיו אָקִים וּבְנִיתִיהָ כִּימֵי עוֹלָם
עמוס ט:יאba-yom ha-hu a-keem et su-kat da-veed ha-no-fe-let v’-ga-dar’-tee et pir’-tzay-hen va-ha-ri-so-tav a-keem u-v’-nee-tee-ha kee-may o-lamNearing the end of the time of our rejoicing, there is so much to reflect on. I woke up with the stars and a waning moon, under palm branches and a succah of peace. Reading Koheles, Ecclesiastes…A generation goes and a generation comes, but the earth endures forever. And the sun rises and the sun sets- then to its place it rushes; there it rises again.
Whatever has been is what will be, and whatever has been done is what will be done. There is nothing new beneath the sun!
…wisdom excels folly as light excels darkness. The wise man has his eyes in his head, whereas a fool walks in darkness.
…every man who eats and drinks and finds satisfaction in all his labor- this is a gift from God.
I REALIZED THAT WHATEVER GOD DOES WILL ENDURE FOREVER: NOTHING CAN BE ADDED TO IT AND NOTHING CAN BE SUBTRACTED FROM IT, AND GOD HAS ACTED SO THAT [MAN] SHOULD STAND IN AWE OF HIM.
What has been, already exists, and what is still to be, has already been, and God always seeks the pursued.
…there is nothing better for man than to be happy in what he is doing, for that is his lot. For who can enable him to see what will be after him?
In spite of all dreams, futility and idle chatter, rather: FEAR GOD!
If you see the oppression of the poor, and the suppression of justice and the right in the State, do not be astonished at the fact for THERE IS ONE HIGHER THAN HIGH WHO WATCHES and there are high ones above them.
…every man to whom God has given riches and possessions and given him the power to enjoy them, possess his share and be happy in his work: this is a gift from God. FOR HE SHALL REMEMBER THAT THE DAYS OF HIS LIFE ARE NOT MANY, WHILE GOD PROVIDES HIM WITH THE JOY OF HIS HEART.
It is better to listen to the rebuke of a wise man than for one to listen to the song of fools, for like the crackling of thorns under a pot, so is the laughter of the fool…
The end of a matter is better than its beginning; patience is better than pride. Do not be hastily upset, for anger lingers in the bosom of fools.
BE PLEASED WHEN THINGS GO WELL, BUT IN A TIME OF MISFORTUNE REFLECT: God has made the one as well as the other so that man should find nothing after Him.
…there is no man so wholly righteous on earth that he [always] does good and never sins.
Man is powerless over the spirit- to restrain the spirit; nor is there authority over the day of death. ]
The sum of the matter when ALL has been considered…
FEAR GOD AND KEEP HIS COMMANDMENTS
DUTY.SHALOM YALL ans have a blessed last day of succos and jubilant Simchas Torah and Shemini Atzeret!!
to the winds of change
the spirit of life
the torrents of challenge
the intensity and strife
ebbs as a relentless sea
casting its signature
into the shadow
of what has been
and what will be
even when eyes,
closed…have not witnessed
have yet to see
each filed projection
fit together to form a tapestry
of those who have made a significant mark
and those who have seemingly fallen between
each one of us
has a different…
no one else could ever fit
there is room for our character
and with all our protrusions and dips
and our Molder will fashion us and place us in the Master blueprint
and upon our faces
the light will dance
its resplendence so beautiful
no tongue could ever utter “happenstance”
the warm glow of His majesty will turn ordinary divine
and the whole of Creation will finally realize
there are sacred appointments, places, statutes…
there is a transcendent design
when all the bricks come together
even a simple wall
glimmers, and shines!What an amazing, once in a lifetime season
YOU have fashioned and brought us to.
My King I will never forget, forsake, belittle or diminish these moments
in my heart, mind or memory.
Thank You for teaching me about love, and giving me a family.Chag Succot Sameach!
What do you have to bury?Isaiah 58; 1 “Cry loudly, do not hold back; Raise your voice like a trumpet, And declare to My people their transgression And to the house of Jacob their sins. 2 “Yet they seek Me day by day and delight to know My ways, As a nation that has done righteousness And has not forsaken the ordinance of their God. They ask Me for just decisions, They delight in the nearness ofGod.”Yom Kippur, the day of covering… cover.Covering what? What is this day really about? It’s one of the Feasts of the Lord but it is a Fast Day wherein we “afflict” ourselves. But what does the text really say, first read it in the English and lets break it apart in the Hebrew.Vayikra (Leviticus) 16; 29 “This shall be a permanent statute for you: in the seventh month, on the tenth day of the month, you shall humble your souls and not do any work, whether the native, or the alien who sojourns among you; 30 for it is on this day that atonement shall be made for you to cleanse you; you will be clean from all your sins before the Lord. 31 It is to be a sabbath of solemn rest for you, that you may humble your souls; it is a permanent statute.
H5769 `owlam (o-lawm’-. the vanishing point; generally, time out of mind (past or future); eternity; always.
H6031 `anah aw-naw’)-to depress literally or figuratively.
H5315 nephesh (neh’-fesh)- a breathing creature, vitality.
H3722 kaphar (kaw-far’-) to cover (specifically with bitumen); figuratively, to expiate or condone, to placate or cancel.
H3605 kol (kole)- the whole; hence, all, any or every.
H2891 taher ( taw-hare’)- to be bright; i.e. to be pure (physical sound, clear, unadulterated, morally, innocent or holy).
Leviticus 16 says… And this shall be as an eternal (OWLAM) statute for you; in the seventh month, on the tenth of the month, you shall afflict (ANAH) your SOUL (NEPHESH), and you shall not do any work neither the native nor the stranger who dwells among you. For on this day HE shall COVER OVER (KAPHAR) you to cleanse you (TAHER). Before the faces of the Lord, you shall be clean (TAHER) from all (ALL) your sins. It is a Sabbath of Sabbaths (SHABBAT SHABBATON) of rest for you, and you shall afflict (ANAH) your SOUL (NEPHESH). It is an eternal (OWLAM) statute.
What is so important about this day? Why does it really matter? Can’t we… aren’t we expected to live in a state of continued repentance and supplication? Sure, but…do we really live up to that expectation? I know I don’t. Why?
I believe it’s because we NEED appointed times. Times of rejoicing, times for remembering, times for reconsidering, times for reconciliation…times to repent.
This year I recollected a ritual that came purely from what I felt personally led to do a few Yom Kippur’s ago. Years ago while praying and taking in the time of evaluating the significance of “standing in the Holy Heavenly courtroom”…I wrote out a list. An honest, no holds barred, bare and exposed list of all the secrets and hidden sins I could recognize, that the Lord illuminated for me.
I wrote this list and after I prayed, toward the end of the fast I buried the list. It is because of the things that were confessed in that list I realized I DESERVED THE BURIAL. It was because of my transgressions that I had been guilty and deserving of death. By burying my sins in the earth and embracing the realization that I had found forgiveness and therefore… hope to fulfill the potential I hence had obtained for the coming year…I was able to bury my guilt and it was as if I was as well burying the evil decree against me. That which my Savior Yeshua nailed to the cross.
The list has changed over the years and this Yom Kippur THAT CHANGE in the list is what was most profound to me. The changes God has made in these years, the transformation of the list. This year I came to these prayers thinking, well the Lord has done a mighty work! Yes and amein but the thing about it is…there is still a list, and until my body actually does go down into that dirt, there WILL BE A LIST.
I want you to take a minute and look at this. These are the sins, a list of sins we are meant to confess. They are not so much notations of each individual, but categories. There could be many personalized bullet points between each one, there could be none that apply to you. But if you really think about the deep and wide meanings behind and within each of these “sins”, I think you might be surprised AS I WAS, how many do apply.
This years confession has been a humbling experience. I am very thankful to know I have such a long way to go, thankful because I know I am not in this alone. My KING is the one revealing these things to my SOUL and I pray that this day especially we can all take the time to make this APPOINTMENT to HUMBLE our SOULS and REPENT before Him wholeheartedly.
Keep in mind this is an ancient list, it is amazing how applicable it is for today.
As it is said…You know the secrets of the universe, and the hidden most mysteries of all the living. You probe all innermost chambers and test thoughts and emotions. Nothing is hidden from You and nothing is concealed from Your eyes. And so may it be Your will, HASHEM, our God and the God of our forefathers, that You forgive us for all our errors, and You pardon us for all our iniquities, and You atone for us for all our willful sins.
Ancient (and Modern ♥) LIST:
sins committed under duress and willingly, through hardness of the heart, without knowledge, with the utterance of the lips, in public or in private…
wrongdoing a neighbor
sessions of vice
contempt for parents and teachers
desecration of Your Holy Name
the Evil Inclination
food and drink
idle chatter of the lips
throwing off Your yoke
entrapping a friend
a begrudging eye
legs that run to do evil
extending a hand
confusion of the heart
The POINT? What can we TRULY take away from this day?
Something I learned is this. Confession, true confession and true repentance should not effect our today alone, TRUE REPENTANCE effects our TOMORROW, our FUTURE. God has given us the free will, the free will to choose today to take up our charge and strive to make lasting, evident and meaningful CHANGES in our lives.
” It is human nature for people to rationalize their shortcomings in their own minds as unavoidable or even to define them as virtues. As long as someone refuses to acknowledge his wrongdoing, he can not repent sincerely. ” Rambam
I challenge you to make a list…pray, and whether physically or internally….BURY IT. Because today IS an appointed time to do so. Today our King Who has all authority says He will cover ALL our sins with much more that just dirt. We are covered by the blood of the Lamb…and today, we are found NOT GUILTY!
My God, Before I was formed I was unworthy, and now that I have been formed, it is as if I had not been formed. I am dust in my life I will surely be so in my death. Behold- before You I am like a vessel filled with humiliation and shame, may it be Your will my God, and the God of the Forefathers, that I NOT SIN AGAIN. And what I have sinned before You, may You cleanse in Your abundant mercy.
May Your Name be blessed and Exalted our King, and may You inscribe all the Children of Your Covenant for a good life.
B’Shem Yeshua HaMashiac
what is frail man that You consider him?
open my lips that my mouth may declare Your praises….Fathomless
You are the King of all Kings
how could my prayer ever reach You?
via tears and a heart rent?
There is but one, unchangeable truth
I could repent
deny my flesh
prostrate myself day and night
I could walk upright, firm, just….
the salvation of my soul
there is one way, one trust to hold
He entered, bearing his own blood
this is atonement
covering the heavenly Altar with reality
yet himself, alive…poured it out
What is the purpose of any of these things
if we are but a vapor and a whisper and a glance and a blink
if I had the answer, there would be no purpose to seek
so I offer this flesh
diminish it, tear it open to Your truth
expose to me the reasons, Your design over my instinct
I slowly approach the wave of white wings
who bend and bow toward the place Your glory once rested
seeking their Savior, asking for His arrival
reveal to us all the purpose…not of our mere survival
not making it through another day
expose for us my King the directive for each one of our LIVES
make us servants
fashion us into willing children who obeySHABBAT SHALOM AND L’SHANAH TOVAH TIKATEV V’TAIHATEMMay you all have an easy and meaningful fast.A beautiful melody wafts in from the other room,
there is the scent of cleaners and perfumes…
I sit with a break to think for a moment,
eve of the Fast. What a time of preparation, the Priests would be separated from their families and practice and practice.
This is the one day, one could enter the holy place…the holy of holies, once. Tonight. The people would gather in prayer and supplication, afflicting themselves refraining from food, luxury, pleasure…why?
To remember, not in comfort…not by food…are we alive, really alive.
It is because our Maker had a desire and a design.
He didn’t have to make us but He wanted to.
Each day He need not recreate us, but somehow…He wills that too.
All the things that He said would be are coming true…
some people are scoffing, others are awakening anew.
Plague, famine, woe, sword, terror, exile…war.
Lord when it comes, may we in Your shadow stand…cleansed of our transgressions, moving at Your command.
An army clothed in white, may we take up the charge of priests and kings.
May we be enabled to praise You, loudly…clear…throughout each torrent of the reckoning. Justice, Just…Compassionate King.
Inscribe us in the book of Life, not survival…Life, eternally.B’Shem Yeshua HaMashiac. Amein
You leave me breathless
You are wondrous
I am physically drained
I have squeezed every drop of energy I had left
but suddenly, at Your feet
because what You have given
is far beyond, more and more
You never cease to amaze
and so even at this time of day
I lay face down and ask for Your strength
the strength to express
what You wanted me to saywhat did I see,
I saw people give up
I saw souls tear down
I saw hope unravel
blood on the ground
by Your will
there was always someone, or something
right at the corner, near, around…
close enough to catch the pieces as they fell
build up Your bride
I can see she seems disheveled
where is the unity in service You crave?
I can not see it
but it is there…
just pieces of the puzzle
in different places at different times
slowly but surely
this will all turn around,
we will all come around…
may it be soon,
upon You alone do I lean
may Your might and Your glory
the healing reassuring touch I desperately need
there is so much pain, confusion, how am I supposed to feel?
When everything beings unraveling
You are ALL that is real.
Imagine, while one says
“I can not see Him, feel Him, touch Him or taste…”
so He can not be there I have not made a mistake….
I have and will repeat it again,
“Oh my Master, my Love, please hold my heart in Your hand.
You are the only One who comforts me, and keeps me from falling
to the ground.
Everything else that I can hold, hear, witness or experience…everything else has let me down.”
When all things interconnect, when the tapestry is shinning brilliant and clear…it is easy to holler and praise
and shout THANK YOU!!
Easy to find purpose and stand amazed!
ADONAI, as my heart trembles, and I scramble for a foothold…
In desperation I magnify You, and I thank You
for the blessing in all of this, yet untold.
Give me the strength to move forward,
surrendering my heart into Your loving hands.
If this is a test, help me pass it…
only by Your light will I be able to break through the darkness
of the bitterness in man
take my flesh and destroy it
and make me into someone renewed
someone who understands suffering
is simply a route to rely
more on You.this season of repentance, make it real for us all my King.Shabbat Shalom!
today is about my life
to celebrate the day I arrived
so I would expect
if someone forgot
how many days and nights
did I spend and waste
seeking to be glorified
I can not get back that time
even if I could buy it, at any price
I look back and trace the footprints
oh how mangled their pattern once was
yes I still see divergence, shifting, swerving
from Your direction
the dips in the sand where I fell to my knees
the salty remnants of the pools of tears
Yet, I don’t wonder anymore, I know the intention
I know why You gave me life and brought me here
I am alive so that I may serve You
daily change me with Your loving hand
to attach my heart to Your commandments
and live them, walk in them,
because You put Your name on me…
this is why I have the strength to stand.
I see that life is a series of tests
I want to choose what is right
I know I have, and continue to fail
but Lord, please use me in this life
may I live for You, and when my time is over
may You yet be seen and glorified
to bear witness and testimony
to Your brilliant, everlasting light.
Give it to the ones I love my King
that is my wish on this day
my only hope and prayer from the depths
of this shadow passing away,
life is short, time races as a storm wind blows
not a breath is a mistake,
each and every step we have taken
has its reason and its stake
may all the hearts who have not met
to One Who transforms all for the best
not only recognize You have always been here
and have been calling to them all this time
to my center I feel
like the end of this journey is at hand,
but the end is only a beginning
thank You for allowing me
to be a part of Your Masterful plan.
Now I turn my gaze and look forward
no matter how twisted the path I trod had been
at Your feet, in the end, I will stand.Baruch attah Adonai Eloheni Melech ha olam
in the beautiful Name of my Savior Yeshua
roughly stitched with thick jagged thread
anger, pain and sorrow from the piercing words you saidmy eyes were clotted over
oozing remnants of a dream
bitter, sick, twisted…I can’t imagine anything more uncleaninside my ears, drums of cement
blocking every tune
I can not speak, I can not think, can not hear…I will not move.This is he who lives without You
he who ignores Your word
blind, dumb, debilitated…
unfeeling, and unlearnedOpen my heart to Your Torah
may my soul pursue Your will
pure, chaste, awesome, eternally instated
the true light, bread, water…the only One Who fillsI was waiting
for the words to come
You hastened to my call
the moment my fingertips unrolled the scroll
You ignite the inspiration, swing me forward when I fallby the nape of my neck with the Words of Your mouth
mother Lion and tiny cub
I seek only You and Your brilliant direction
I long for Your compassionate loveI will weave a hedge of thorns around
will carve a sturdy ark
I will lift it high, safeguard it deep,
etch Your Everlasting in the inner chambers of my Heartone thing I ask
if Your will it be
and I will ask it more and more
may all Your children turn, return…speak, hear, see
we are the custodians of the most excellent gift, Your adore….
The perfect, trustworthy Torah***The same root of the word Torah, yarah meaning to flow as water (i.e. to rain); transitively, to lay or throw (especially an arrow, i.e. to shoot); figuratively, to point out (as if by aiming the finger), to teach.Even when translated as Law remember and think, Who fashioned it? Why was it given? What does it teach us about Christ? What does it teach us about the heart of the intentions of our King? That is why I love it. With all my heart, it is the makeup, constitution, flesh….expression of THE unchanging God I can hold in my hands and consume with my eyes, repeat with my voice and implant in my ears.Psalm 19; 7 The Torah of the Lord is perfect, restoring the soul;
The testimony of the Lord is sure, making wise the simple.
8 The precepts of the Lord are right, rejoicing the heart;
The commandment of the Lord is pure, enlightening the eyes.
9 The fear of the Lord is clean, enduring forever;
The judgments of the Lord are true; they are righteous altogether.
10 They are more desirable than gold, yes, than much fine gold;
Sweeter also than honey and the drippings of the honeycomb.
11 Moreover, by them Your servant is warned;
In keeping them there is great reward.James 1; 25 But one who looks intently at the perfect law, the Torah of liberty, and abides by it, not having become a forgetful hearer but an effectual doer, this man will be blessed in what he does.Romans 3; 31 Do we then nullify the Torah through faith? May it never be! On the contrary, we stand by the Torah.Proverbs 28; 9 He who turns away his ear from listening to the law,
Even his prayer is an abomination.Thank you Yeshua, oh Word made flesh, come again, dwell within us…
teach us from Your word, open our eyes ears hearts and minds…
that our soul would pursue your commandments.Holy Spirit write it on our hearts.
for you children to make
the steps You have destined
to take hold of their claim
freely given, the highest cost paid…
You will stop at nothing
till all return and occupy the place
which You have carved out, painstakingly madedeath whispers in our ears:
” be silent be still surrender to fear
it is happening it is real
I will take from you your joy
your freedom I will steal,
I will rip you open,
you will never heal.”The power of the One who lives in us
is the only sure strength, His authority alone can we trust
He is Omniscient, He is Sovereign and from dust until dust
He has given us the choice, and choose we must
to submit, preserve, and choose to die to all lusts
the pride, the terror, the anger and thus
live, resurrected…full throttle, upward thrust….Yes, we are here because He ordained us to be
is life merely consumption to survive, do you not see?
He has chosen us for such a time as this and if we
could surrender our control, our desire, our suffering…
He will provide us with everything we need
He has given us the treasure, and handed us the key
we know where we are going, and he paid our fee
He will not permit any power to enslave those He has made free
Eternal life is our portion
His Kingdom is our destinyMy King,
there is so much to be afraid of
there is so much to mourn
there is so much to worry about
every reason to feel overwhelmed, emptied, forlorn
What if there’s no food, what if I loose a child, what if evil men conquer, what if my body is forcibly defiled….
these are the woes which have been ruling this darkness
if we can not bear to look at them
they will come as thief and overtake us
Warn us, arm us, strengthen us we need You.
Help us to trust You, enable us to keep our vows, our oaths, our promises…spoken and unspoken.
Holy Spirit give us the courage, the fortitude to keep this word:
Take it all, take all my King.
I do not want control, I can do nothing without You.
Awaken me and guard me when the darkness closes in…
keep me strong enough Lord to conquer sin.
May I never deny You or the Blameless Lamb,
even if the sword meets my throat
may He become glorified by the testimony
“I am His, and when He comes in splendor, I will bow to Him alone, because He has prepared a place for me at the foot of His eternal Throne!”II Timothy 2; 10 For this reason I endure all things for the sake of those who are chosen, so that they also may obtain the salvation which is in Christ Jesus and with it eternal glory. 11 It is a trustworthy statement: For if we died with Him, we will also live with Him; 12 If we endure, we will also reign with Him; If we deny Him, He also will deny us; 13 If we are faithless, He remains faithful, for He cannot deny Himself.Revelation 3; 19 Those whom I love, I reprove and discipline; therefore be zealous and repent. 20 Behold, I stand at the door and knock; if anyone hears My voice and opens the door, I will come in to him and will dine with him, and he with Me. 21 He who overcomes, I will grant to him to sit down with Me on My throne, as I also overcame and sat down with My Father on His throne.B’shem Yeshua HaMashiac, Amein!
“He is not with me.”
“His hand is not in this.”
“I am unworthy, He doesn’t desire to fix it.”There is not a moment You are not actively pursuing the hearts
of the people You have claimed from the very start
Never is there a moment you have not overseen
at times, You may not be overt, evident, but You never leave
You manage every single thing that we do
it is by Your direction we are sustained to pursue…
paths of peace, roads of justice, ways of insight and connection
our Creator, fashion inside us the proper reflection
Where not forsaken, nor forgotten is this reality
You have Your Name upon, within and over all of me.
If You would but drive us to dedication
to finding completion
a search which lasts a lifetime
how ever lasting it may be
fill in the silence
sate these gaping holes
make it known You have never left us
You have everything
controlif we can trust in You
that Your Word is true
You rained down bread from heaven
bring water from rock
If we can believe
surely we can learn to have faith that you will grant us the food we need to live, the water we need to continue, the spirit we need to testify! No matter what happens on the outside, crop failure, government oppression, war, depravity, woe….
You will provide and if You will it life will go on,
never buy into the liar who tells you “He has gone”….I pray you will be strengthened and upraised in preparation, yet reliance on the only One able to save. Things may be scary and sad but we are safe, secure in His hands.
help me understand
how to balance
I am torn
for the good
What is this?
Morning with news of beheading
and all I hear are peals of giggles and boisterous
People are dying
I want to mourn
but I look into my children’s eyes and can not stay forlorn
I want to be active
to stand up for what is right, I want to put up a righteous fight
but it is here
in this place you have put me, and it is delight…
somewhere out there…
and even here a war wages
sometimes we feel stuck within helpless cages
it feels as if the only real effect we can have
is in the homes
in the hearts
in the lives of those right near us
where we can truly take this stand
help me to tear away the colorless, lifeless layers
expose the reasons for all the blood
and inspire all of us
in our prayers…..
for those who have lost and continue to loose
for the strength to be strong when we have the chance to choose
for contentment and envelopment in the peace we still enjoy
for guidance in our counsel and instruction for all our little girls and boys
A place aside from everyday energy where your spirit can release?
Is it in the midst of the chaotic clamor of life?
Or a more remote corner where inspiration runs rife?
Do you have a breaking point, laid bare before your King?
When all pretense, all grasping, opportunism does cease?
Is it in the depths of a hollow where you have no confidence?
Or the pinnacles of affirmation, the leaps and bounds of success?
Do you have a moment when terror grips your heart?
When essence of human frailty devours your art?
Is it man you fear, a power or a weakness…
is it casualty, famine, is it loneliness or indulgence…
Wherever you find yourself on your knees,
whenever you break, whatever keeps your soul’s unease…
submit in supplication to the one able to save
place it all at His feet
He never ceases to amazeI felt as if my head was spinning, I can’t even count the number of chores. Accomplishments and trials, successes and failures whirled around me and grew into a feverish roar. All I did was go out to storage for paper towels, you met me there as I knelt on the floor. I opened up my being to you, and the depth of my heart You reached in and tore. Masterful King continue to mold me, continue to chastise me as gently as You do. Awaken me to all the things I need to let go of,everything I need to remove. In the quiet before You as I beckon Your reply…if I spend the rest of my life searching I know You will answer all the “why”. I am nothing, have done nothing, can do nothing without You. You are all, I pray You go with me and become magnified in all that You orchestrate for me to do.
Trustworthy King, thank You. B’Shem Yeshua HaMashiac AmeinIt is such a trying time we live in, people are struggling for jobs and with children. Our wants and needs, our aches and pains, our losses and gains…they pale in the scope of all that goes on around us. Keep the persecuted Nazarene’s in your thoughts and prayers continually. Please keep Israel in prayer, for their strength and protection. Please pray for the Jewish people who are being persecuted once again, fleeing France…but all around in Europe, it is happening again. Do we remember, like we said we would ‘never forget’? Pray for our leadership however sorry, they need our prayers for they are lost. Pray for your enemies, pray for those who seek our death…the darkness in their souls is so hard to crack, there’s nothing we can do but pray. Pray for those who have no choice, and thank God that we do have one! Freedom, while it lasts…drink it in!
for nothing like Your delivery can move me, Oh my Master, Lord of all
Your directive, so humble, so gentle, so sincere
all You asked
“where I am missing, please…
put me there.”
So the week went by
and where I lacked
You did all the filling,
now I sit at the threshold of Your
captivating in beauty
for what we savor over this meal
is far more than mere drink or food…
like tendrils, entangled in a mass
it is Your potency which we grasp
enmeshed together by the True Vine…
You are there, You are…
take my heart
all of me,
enwrap me in Your glory,
Oh my Master,
my sweet King.May it leave behind it a blessing for Your Name!
B’shem Yeshua Ha Mashiac
is to You Who speaks
how can I sort You from the noise
help me to fixate on only what You have to say
because I am reeling
sinking deeper in the tasks
and higher overheadYet,
I heard You
did I do a good job
translating what You said?
Were You magnified
falling short is my sole dread…..did I miss the chance
to properly explain
what You came
if I didn’t Lord…
give me the occasion to follow throughI’m listening
thank You Almighty
for disclosing to one so tiny
help me to concentrate on what You have to saybecause I am spiraling
under the weight
of the tasks
pace set, the continual
I feel You
do the best I can
missing a tiny step in Your plan
would be detriment
subdue my will with Your commandsif I fail to hear you
it is not for lack of listening
it is my humanity
misunderstandinghave mercy and patience
dearest long suffering Father
as I strive to hear
and to obey
help me to recognize
when You are speaking
and what You have to sayMy King, is it You I have failed…for who am I to even be considered?
I am a vessel, tool, instrument in Your all powerful hand, I only pray that the sound comes out clearer, pristine and wholly through Your will.
Thank You for all that You have expressed this week.
Thank You for Your mercy a midst terror, for Your hope despite despair.
Thank You for Your perfect timing, for putting us where we need to be….
give us all the strength and insight to recognize the messages You send,
give us the will and determination to announce them without fear.
You are wonder and righteousness in All Your Ways.
Thank You Father for hastening these last days…
I feel it. Let us know how we are to spend this time, in a way that is pleasing to You. B’shem Yeshua HaMashiac amein
ringing ears spinning head
I collapse to the floor yet I am not dead
because I am the witness of all You have said
swelling belly, rotting thigh
but this is not yet my time to die
for by my very existence Your word I verify
I tremble in a sea of my children’s tears
yes, I will live and testify that after all these years
You will answer my tormentors and calm all of my fears
They pelt me with weapons of wicked fire
to eradicate Your servant is their one desire
could they succeed and make the King into a Liar
far be it, and may it never be
let the whole world watch, let each and every eye see
when Salvation arises in the east
let the mountains crumble
let bend every knee
when my kinsman redeemer arrives in Majesty
Then in Glory the Almighty and Righteous Justifier
will avenge every drop of blood, for each drop He will require
repentance, and payment and restitution
as He cleanses the earth in the flood of fire
He will wash our garments
bandage our wounds
bring lasting peace and contentment
after the darkness and thick gloom
I am wounded
I am torn
ever trusting in the joy to appear in the morn
I was born in a day
He has troubled me, but I believe that by His hand I will be
and this time I will become the son who will obey
who will live up to my commission
to walk in His way
to be light unto the nations
and never again turn my face away
I, Israel, am Your witness…I am Your firstborn son,
protect me my Father,
Shema Yisrael Adonai Echad, The Lord our God, the Lord is One
May it be Your will HaShem that You guard Your people now and always, cover them in the shelter of Your peace this Sabbath and allow them to rest. Forgive us who are against evil yet live in a nation where evil prevails. Please allow our brothers and sisters and fellows in Israel to be strong and make them understand, allow us all to understand Your plan…let all mankind come to You and fall at Your feet. Teach us from Your Torah and may our souls pursue Your commandments.
B’Shem Yeshua HaMashiac Amein
2 Before Ephraim and Benjamin and Manasseh, stir up Your power
And come to save us!
3 O God, restore us And cause Your face to shine upon us, and we will be saved.
4 O Lord God of hosts, How long will You be angry with the prayer of Your people?
5 You have fed them with the bread of tears, And You have made them to drink tears in large measure.
6 You make us an object of contention to our neighbors, And our enemies laugh among themselves.
7 O God of hosts, restore us And cause Your face to shine upon us, and we will be saved.
8 You removed a vine from Egypt; You drove out the [h]nations and planted it.
9 You cleared the ground before it, And it took deep root and filled the land.
10 The mountains were covered with its shadow, And the cedars of God with its boughs.
11 It was sending out its branches to the sea And its shoots to the River.
12 Why have You broken down its hedges, So that all who pass that way pick its fruit?
13 A boar from the forest eats it away And whatever moves in the field feeds on it.
14 O God of hosts, turn again now, we beseech You; Look down from heaven and see, and take care of this vine,
15 Even the shoot which Your right hand has planted, And on the son whom You have strengthened for Yourself.
16 It is burned with fire, it is cut down; They perish at the rebuke of Your countenance.
17 Let Your hand be upon the man of Your right hand, Upon the son of man whom You made strong for Yourself.
18 Then we shall not turn back from You; Revive us, and we will call upon Your name.
19 O Lord God of hosts, restore us; Cause Your face to shine upon us, and we will be saved.
There is no lack in inspiration
without hesitancy or doubt I make this declaration
perhaps it won’t be easy
nothing dandled in our hands
but I testify that in the perfect righteous moment
everything will fit together, and in that span
in that flicker
in an instant
all your woes, burdens, and angst
will melt away
what is it?
It is a picture of a future, perfect…
when Yeshua reigns.
True peace will flourish
and will last, no more temporarily to linger
sound, secure, forever
so close I can see it there…
in the mirror
when no one thought I was looking
peace between two pillars of light
illuminating the Sabbath night
It matters not where our bodies travel
we will not diminish or allow to unravel
the structure of blessed ordained rest
You designed it and gifted it
and in it we are truly blessed…
may the future Sabbath without end
come soon in our days
return Him my King come defend
the keepers of your Kingdom
which is now
and to come
and forever in our charge to attend
My King, You are beautiful. Your blessings without measure. While we walk through these days its only our failure which causes your light to seem damp..grey…it is not true, YOU shine always. This light you wish us to see in all things, even sadness even hunger even terror even pain…I give it to You and ask in humility, please prepare a distant tiny place for me…in Your kingdom where forever I can hear the saints sing! Baruch Attah Adonai and Glory to the King of Kings!
B’Shem my Savior, my everything…Yeshua HaMashiac
amein and amein
if I trust in You and wait for what unfolds….
if I believe in You and Your sovereign will…
how can You love so much
little specks of dust
nothing but ash in the breeze
You Most High Maker
have poured out blessing far beyond the physical needs
why do You treasure so
one who sins, falters, fails and bellows
what is this between us
I feel the warmth overcome me
Thank You Father
for reaching down from on High
to hear my supplication
and wipe the tears from my eyes
May all creation come to know You
and may You be in me, glorified
Avinu Malkeinu my Father, I don’t know what to say
I haven’t been obedient and I have continued to stray
but as far as I felt like we had become separated
You have drawn me to You and answered
even when I complained
forgive me my King
for all the times I have stumbled
now I look at the world and evil erupts, terror’s growl rumbles…
put Your hand over Israel and please answer our prayers
make a miracle
make a miracle
do it again my King
let Your great Name through it…be powerfully declared!
John 17; 6 “I have manifested Your name to the men whom You gave Me out of the world; they were Yours and You gave them to Me, and they have kept Your word. 7 Now they have come to know that everything You have given Me is from You; 8 for the words which You gave Me I have given to them; and they received them and truly understood that I came forth from You, and they believed that You sent Me. 9 I ask on their behalf; I do not ask on behalf of the world, but of those whom You have given Me; for they are Yours; 10 and all things that are Mine are Yours, and Yours are Mine; and I have been glorified in them. 11 I am no longer in the world; and yet they themselves are in the world, and I come to You. Holy Father, keep them in Your name, the name which You have given Me, that they may be one even as We are.
I wanted to feel insignificant
I wanted to feel small
then I felt the magnificence
of the Most majestic of all….
I wanted to feel unfortunate
I wanted to feel despair
then I remembered the sentiment
of the only One Who always cares…
I wanted to bear a badge of failure
and hang my heavy head
then came the message of wonder
poured out in the Sabbath prayers we said…
He told me
I’m your daddy
and I would never reject what you brought
how could you think I’d feel badly
about all the time, effort and heartfelt thought…
Who did you want to be proud of you?
I looked inside and saw it was Me.
So be uplifted precious daughter
the success is that You sought to serve
and that is what I see.
I don’t know who needs this,
I don’t know who its for…
but please know all your efforts with a pure heart for the King are acknowledged…
and if we could only see how He smiles on us,
it would be our every waking breath and every intent and motivation
to glorify Him.
It doesn’t really matter what the outcome is,
if the only One Whose approval we seek is God’s
He has already given it!
it didn’t hurt when you split me open wide
here I am inward parts, everything hidden inside
there was no pain when you tore from my flesh
infection, disease, torment, unrest
it wasn’t terror I felt in the presence of Your glory
in the cloud of your captivity real Love told its story
is isn’t doubt which reigns when tribulation arises
for You are a God of order, not surprises
carve away from my heart
all the unacceptable parts
burn my will outside Your camp
use Your sharpened sword
and Your Longsuffering
until the new creation at your feet
is beckoned to stand
I wont get up from my face
until You call me
to the place You’ve made
to eternity prepared
until You take my hand and raise me to my feet
with fire You come
so acclimate us now
in the flames of Your purposes and just reason
take up Your flashing sword
sharpened arrows and fashion us…
a readied, trained, and capable legion
Yeshua, we need you.
Yeshua, we believe in you.
Yeshua, we long to see your reign.
What do you see that we must cast into the fire, what do you find that we need to depart from.
Whatever you find no favor in, remove it from your people. Protect us from the traps and snares…be dominant in our persuasion and free us from all this evil.
It closes in and it is frightening, please give us the strength to stand…to never deny your name, not for any one or any thing, then to sleep in faithful rest awaiting your command.
Come in glory, take us in your hand. May our faith be readily found.
Glory and honor, insignificant as this praise is…still I thank You, I yearn for your shofar sound.
simple and trite are the words I try to muster
for they could never even slightly approximate the magnitude of Your luster
trembling I reach for the expression from Your indwelling
what words will You give me Elyown may You be magnified in the telling:
haughty man rages at its elucidation
egotistical humanity disputes its demonstration
indifferent flesh rebels denying its proclamation
comes with a new name a throne and a crown
to all those willing to, in sincerity bow down
The power of life and death aren’t in a blade, a bow or gunpowder
but in ancient words teaching life, love, transforming tears into laughter…
Are you drowning?
He is holding out for you hope…
Are you in darkness?
He gives you light so you no longer need to grope…
Are you frightened?
He will fight for your life and protect you from all foes…
Are you in pain?
He is the healer who binds all sorrows…
Are you guilty?
He will make you a new creation, forgiving your past, granting a new tomorrow…
Are you empty?
He offers you the nourishment that will make you overflow…
In submission to a Master Whose goal is your heart’s full restoration,
in obedience to a King Who longs to make you
a part of His glory and magnification,
in repentance to a Father Whose delight is in your union,
betrothal, intimacy and connection…
there is no loss
there is only the access to every magnificent thing
we can not on our own obtain
we could never without open His hand
there is nothing in this world you alone can pursue
aside from what He wants to bestow abundantly upon you
may you seek Him
the path is narrow,
those who will embrace it
My King I never grow tired of being Your vessel
in each and every moment I pray through each breath
Glory and Honor unto You would unfold.
Forgive me Father for where I have failed,
restore my spirit as I come to Your table…
open our hearts soon to the words which have power
our very lives
for which He gave His own.
Use us, free us…
You are our Home.
B’Shem Yeshua HaMashiac
May 10, 2014
Lord open my lips that my mouth may declare Your praise
for I have seen
the division firsthand
in what You intended to be a whole
I have failed
as in attempting to understand
one, I betrayed the other half
of my soul
Is this why we can not come together
can not draw socket into joint
when seeking to appease one
we forsake another
and then entirely miss the point
why can’t the body
that you have fashioned
come together to form this new man
what is it that keeps us from seeing our connections
and uniting to fulfill your greater plan
If the remnants could be able to see
we have each been cut away
away from the world
away from death
sifted, each one with a unique part to play
If one hand could stop thinking that the other
is so out of touch it can’t grasp…
If one leg could stop regarding the other
as if it had no place to stand…
If somehow we could all realize
we can not make it alone
we can not function without this agreement…
could come together
and Yeshua, would return….
and take up His throne.
Then who would wear the crown my friends
would it not be me and you,
Master, give us the eyes to see
ears to hear
hearts to understand
what You are trying to do.
I see clearly
the fullness can not come
until we truly die to ourselves
and understand it is our union in obedience to your will
which will foster the generation to whom you will come.
I pray that the all people of God realize what a big part we all play…
I pray we can stop thinking of one as better
stop pointing out how much we know
about who is
or who isn’t saved…
You are the Judge, You are the Jury, You are the Maker and in us You Reign…
Let it be known Lord, Let it be understood…
all You want is our love, and that love means we obey.
That we see the signs in the heavens and on earth,
that we care about what is dear to you,
that we never deign to replace whom You have claimed…
never claiming that You have somehow changed.
Make us Lord into that One New Man, the One You will and take pleasure in.
Thank You for Your outstanding patience and peace,
wonderful counselor and Mighty One of Israel!
B’shem Yeshua HaMashiac
May He make peace upon His heights
and upon all Israel
Ephesians 2;10 For we are His workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand so that we would walk in them.
we are all awash in it
their voices cry into eternity
for whose sins will we give account
for ours alone?
They are vast…
was it sin when we were silent
when our eyes became blinded
and we gave no reply…
was it sin when we remained in a cushion of comfort
and let the needs in the world
pass us by…
when those who went to fire,
and water, and sword and obliteration
called out to a complacent nation
will we not be called to testify?
we are responsible,
but we can not pay up
we can not compensate
we can not meet this fee…
only by His shed blood could existence recover
only by His sacrifice can we be redeemed.
He has paid the debt for the overt,
rebellious and hidden sin
He has covered the consequence
for when we swagger
allowing others to wallow…
He took on the punishment
which we have earned in full
so now the question lingering, remains…
what now will each one of us do?
If they take our voice
will we use the pen
if they take the pen
will we use the fiery sword
or will we settle into denigration
and inconspicuously conform
to the world its ruler and its desires…
in these last days
His blood will be denied
the fact that He came and paid
for all sins, for all time.
Do not be silent anymore
give honor and glory and praise…
by loving like He did…
such a love
it can not be competently explained.
Don’t waste a breath,
for He lives in each and every one
judgment is here and wrath on the way
live for Him now
and every day
putting every hope
in the only One
who can save.
Beloved of Yeshua, there is a word going forth to His people that they are not saved. That being repeated transgressors we will not be able to grasp salvation.
It is a lie from the pit of fire, if you know Him then He alone has claim.
You can not be snatched out of His grasp.
His promise can not be annulled,
the most costly blood has covered you
don’t allow it to be in vain.
2 Peter 2;1 But among the people there were also false prophets, just as there will be false teachers among you. Under false pretenses they will introduce destructive heresies, even denying the Master who bought them, and thus bring on themselves swift destruction. 2 Many will follow their debaucheries; and because of them, the true Way will be maligned. 3 In their greed they will exploit you with fabricated stories. Their punishment, decreed long ago, is not idle; their destruction is not asleep! 4 For God did not spare the angels who sinned; on the contrary, he put them in gloomy dungeons lower than Sh’ol to be held for judgment. 5 And he did not spare the ancient world; on the contrary, he preserved Noach, a herald of righteousness, with seven others, and brought the Flood upon a world of ungodly people. 6 And he condemned the cities of S’dom and ‘Amora, reducing them to ashes and ruin, as a warning to those in the future who would live ungodly lives; 7 but he rescued Lot, a righteous man who was distressed by the debauchery of those unprincipled people; 8 for the wicked deeds which that righteous man saw and heard, as he lived among them, tormented his righteous heart day after day. 9 So the Lord knows how to rescue the godly from trials and how to hold the wicked until the Day of Judgment while continuing to punish them, 10 especially those who follow their old natures in lust for filth and who despise authority.
Hebrews 4; 9 So there remains a Sabbath rest for the people of God. 10 For the one who has entered His rest has himself also rested from his works, as God did from His. 11 Therefore let us be diligent to enter that rest, so that no one will fall, through following the same example of disobedience. 12 For the word of God is living and active and sharper than any two-edged sword, and piercing as far as the division of soul and spirit, of both joints and marrow, and able to judge the thoughts and intentions of the heart. 13 And there is no creature hidden from His sight, but all things are open and laid bare to the eyes of Him with whom we have to do.
April 25, 2014
What, my King…
is life all about
if not to share Your beauty
to witness and to testify
of your love without withholding
What, my King
have you made us for
if not to point out Your Glory
Your evident, predominant,
What my King
can we do to magnify Your brilliance
striving to be vessels
through which Your Spirit indwells
as the shadow
of majesty too vast to tell
Yet give us the words…
before we conceive on our own,
and teach us what needs to be said
Cause us to be silent,
when we have no light to lend…
Open our hearts to know what is right
for each and every deed
please help us to keep looking
within and through all things
for the evidences of Your eternal truth
For we have not seen him
have not touched him
yet we have heard
You have left us with faithful testimony
and by his blood
we are convicted
Why my King have You put us here
if not to seek out the matter
if not to love one another in a way
that causes the darkened mirror to shatter
his resurrected body broke all the rules of death
thus, are we not called to love each other
give it all till there is nothing left…
when that day comes
take back the soul
My King, You placed within me
for I trust in You
to return it to me again
when I, with my brethren
enter Your Rest
We do not know what to say
or how to say it
our prayers so often seem
We do not know how to defend
it is so weak.
We need You so desperately
to make a real change inside our hearts,
while we watch the world crumble Lord…
cause us to choose to be a people set apart.
May the blood of the martyr’s not be in vain,
may their cries be ever before us.
As we sit in comfort,
let us be truly thankful for our freedom.
Please forgive us for all the failed chances we had to speak up
Please forgive us for all the times we didn’t say the right things.
Give us a broken and contrite heart,
and shine Your face upon us.
What testimony can I give Most High Master
if not by sweat and tears
What one saw in “my life” in the past
has it not been transformed over these years?
What confidence can I express more than Your Name declared
upon my every movement,
word, song, demonstration and prayer?
What evidence can I present
that You are the One and Only
method, means, route and access to salvation…
how ADONAI could I make it more clear?
Please my King, reveal to me the route to identify
when I walk in Your eternal
the label of no man do I seek
only Your promise that I am “Justified”
What mode and means of affirmation
could I deliver to illuminate my heart…
to love You for You loved me first
and thus Your will can not abide apart
apart from Your word
apart from Your Spirit
apart from the good soil You cultivate
For if I am Your field and Your instruction good seed
how else can I hope to imitate
my Master and my Maker
than to verify His word wont expire
that His promises don’t grow old
what good is testimony of the “unchanging”
if any part of His pledge could fade?
If because I have walked in a garden, abundant and rich and immense…
and because I have sought to share it, Good News of the great value therein
if any soul has been dismayed
or perceived a downward glance
I ask dear Abba that You forgive me
and always open doors, opportunity, chance.
I will move if You will grant me the strength,
I will speak if You give me the Word,
I will sing with all of my heart and worship
and by grace, walk in the New Covenant…assured.
Write the Torah on my heart, and to Yeshua
bind…I have my heart wide open,
reveal to me
what You desire me to find.
Romans 6; 15 What then? Shall we sin because we are not under law but under grace? May it never be! 16 Do you not know that when you present yourselves to someone as slaves for obedience, you are slaves of the one whom you obey, either of sin [j]resulting in death, or of obedience resulting in righteousness? 17 But thanks be to God that though you were slaves of sin, you became obedient from the heart to that form of teaching to which you were committed, 18 and having been freed from sin, you became slaves of righteousness.
Psalm 19;7 The law of the Lord is perfect, restoring the soul;
The testimony of the Lord is sure, making wise the simple.
8 The precepts of the Lord are right, rejoicing the heart;
The commandment of the Lord is pure, enlightening the eyes.
9 The fear of the Lord is clean, enduring forever;
The judgments of the Lord are true; they are righteous altogether.
Shabbat Shalom! Happy Feast of Matzos! May all our bundled sins be untied as we count the Omer! Shalom!
I do not need smoke and cloud, divine message directly
to know how very real and actual You are
although I long for intimate closeness I do not require
a spiritual wave or any other type of proof
to be sure to my marrow You are present and at work
I have one hope, in a someday…
a someday, You’ll return
may that someday come soon
may that someday last forever
a day of constant worship
and singular focus
a day of Your Glory
and continual praise
may that someday come soon
may that someday last forever
a day in Your presence
very real, my one desire.
May it be Your Will Yeshua,
Lamb of the Most High…
that You be remembered the way Your precious lips prescribed.
May it be Your will Yeshua,
One and only able to save…
that You declare blessed, sealed, “Mine” over our prepared Pesach table.
May it be Your will Yeshua,
Most Humble, Most Magnificent King…
that Your sacrifice be accepted by every living being.
May Your love be embraced,
May You dwell will us as we retrace…
the path to the wounds you donned for all our sakes.
Matthew 26 ;17 Now on the first day of Unleavened Bread the disciples came to Jesus and asked, “Where do You want us to prepare for You to eat the Passover?” 18 And He said, “Go into the city to a certain man, and say to him, ‘The Teacher says, “My time is near; I am to keep the Passover at your house with My disciples.”’” 19 The disciples did as Jesus had directed them; and they prepared the Passover.
20 Now when evening came, Jesus was reclining at the table with the twelve disciples. 21 As they were eating, He said, “Truly I say to you that one of you will betray Me.” 22 Being deeply grieved, they each one began to say to Him, “Surely not I, Lord?” 23 And He answered, “He who dipped his hand with Me in the bowl is the one who will betray Me. 24 The Son of Man is to go, just as it is written of Him; but woe to that man by whom the Son of Man is betrayed! It would have been good for that man if he had not been born.” 25 And Judas, who was betraying Him, said, “Surely it is not I, Rabbi?” Jesus *said to him, “You have said it yourself.”
26 While they were eating, Jesus took some bread, and after a blessing, He broke it and gave it to the disciples, and said, “Take, eat; this is My body.” 27 And when He had taken a cup and given thanks, He gave it to them, saying, “Drink from it, all of you; 28 for this is My blood of the covenant, which is poured out for many for forgiveness of sins. 29 But I say to you, I will not drink of this fruit of the vine from now on until that day when I drink it new with you in My Father’s kingdom.”
30 After singing a hymn, they went out to the Mount of Olives.
Happy Pesach!! Next Year, in Jerusalem!!
April 11, 2014
your design is superior
beyond common comprehension
my simple attempts to express Your Mastery
of Timing, Arrangement, Orchestration, Design…
my expression is rendered incoherent
inarticulate, floundering, unintelligible
beside Your glory Most High Master of Creation
forgive your maidservant
for all the times I asked
for all the days I wondered
for every doubt which bore
Forgive me for not understanding in confidence and even considering “if…”
If You would be willing to save
If You would be willing to comfort
If You would be willing to respond
If You would be willing to assist
If You would be willing to restore
If You would be willing to move in a way that would exact with precision a change that would transform everything….
There is no “if” in my mind any more,
You have obliterated and remnant of question or doubt…
because Your hand is evident and exposed and revealed
in gleaming light, sublime
You are putting all things together in Your exalted time.
I can see my King, what You have masterfully woven into place, if we had skipped a single stitch…nothing would be the same.
Nothing could be this magnificent, it brings me to my knees…I can see what You are doing, the good and glory with which you weave.
From this moment Most High I surrender to Your plan, You thoughts are so much higher, Your ways so much more grand.
It wouldn’t be this splendid if we had reached this point with ease, all the years of hardship and toil have made this height the very point You wished to bring us…from where we could truly see.
You have it all under control and You will have Your way in us, if only we would let You work, may all those who have a shadow of doubt be patient and in You alone place their trust.
April 5 · Edited
Burden me for eternity…
with the bondage of Your Torah
Yoke me with fellow slaves…
and my Master Who
is Your Word manifest
Bind my heart with Your statutes
to the Altar in my deepest chamber
and Chain my soul
to Your Covenant
through the imperishable blood of the Lamb
If this is bondage
than consider me
a glutton for Your sort of punishment
If this is a burden
pour out more my King,
let it pile up within me till there is no more room to contain it!
If this is the yoke
some call heavy,
then why is my spirit utterly uplifted?
If I am bound to anything…
it is to the Tree for which my Savior died,
and this is why I search for Him in the Torah
and Under It …witness Him transform my life.
the peace of a picture
I can not fully see
the angst of my spirit
you have utterly relieved
corners of downcast lips
slowly upward drift
as I wait,
with You time is limitless
You are not slow in Your response
Your ways are not mine, they are so far beyond…
all my hopes
I lay down at your feet
along with myself
every grain of me…
for my life is dust,
and it trickles by in Your hand
You define it,
You will it,
You mold it through Your commands
I can not explain
Torah written on the heart
one can only know it,
when one lives it
and it is never to late to start
O Unchanging Boundless King…
there truly is no measure for the Joy and Light You bring
I don’t know what You have in store,
I don’t know how long it will take
all I know is that You are returning
and there are preparations to be made…
fill my Lamp with Your oil,
pour our Your Spirit into the wells fashioned to contain…
the anointment You desire
for those seeking Your Kingdom,
those who long to serve the One Who Shall Remain.
What is man that You consider him?
You have done far more than consider
How You perceived to pair with humanity
is astounding and amazing
That the Highest High
and Mightiest Majesty
would Function within us and through us…
the notion surges energy into my entire being
and I feel renewed dedication.
That the King of Glory
Master of Legions
would hearken to the sound of mortal supplication…
and causes the entirety of my essence
How so my King?
How can You be so very good to me…
I have done
nothing worth remembering
yet You desire me, and never leave.
When I consider the wondrous expanses of Your magnificence
Your beautiful creation, Your consuming love…
the obscurity of my existence in comparison
yet bear witness
that You ARE magnified in Your people…
I praise you
from depths only You can see
and pray that You use Your remnant
enabling every heart
to seek and to find You.
May it be soon.
I can not lift my head
I am ashamed of
for relief from this flesh
my spirit yearns…
at Your feet
I am prostrate
I am overcome
how can one imitate
One so incorruptable
in Your presence
my cup overflows
it is You who was poured out
in a way we, human beings
can not fully know
The Master of Creation
totally imbued in power
Sought to separate
and defeated utter darkness
with His resplendent light
blood poured out over wood and flame
I can not lift my head
so I lay it all at Your feet
and ask instead…
what can I do to please You Lord
I am emptied of any desire
for anything more.
Master of the Universe
may all creation rest in You
it may not be a lofty prize…
but may You use us in each and every thing that we do.
As you have established our work, and commanded us to…
for these six days, may it all have been pleasing before you,
may you establish our rest and teach us from Your Eternal.
You have purchased the precious blood which spilled this and many nights,
so although sorrow encloses, we can find comfort
and peace knowing they are eating at Your table,
Thank You for consoling us with this delight.
March 14, 2015
This morning in the usual silence, peace with my King
terror gripped me when I realized
I could loose every single thing
When I didn’t hear you crying
and felt my body well up without you
a vision of grief and bereavement formed
then I wondered, if void…what would I do?
It is so hard to say
Until “if” is reality…
But I postured and imagined
what would my response be?
If I really trusted in My King I’d know everything is His.
I’d understand it is all on loan,
I have not established anything which I would miss.
Of course I would feel, of course I would cry…
wail, be torn apart.
But in that time of sorrow
would my faith be strengthened or depart?
Realizing that if my world were to crumble
left with shattered pieces in my hands
I pray I would be brave enough
to continue to walk in Your commands,
to trust You enough to continue forward
and rely upon Your plans
and know that even from the dust
You can create a brand new man.
So finally I rushed into your room,
uncovered your tiny cheek…
I listened softly to your sweet breath
and thanked God for magnificent relief.
I am more thankful today,
through this frightening vision…
than I was a few hours before
taken notice of Your grace
understanding what You have charged me with
and knowing in You…
there is always something more.
I pray for so many families,
who have lost precious loved ones…
To violence…bombs and rocketfire,
to executions because they wouldn’t refrain from glorifying Your Son.
I pray for the sudden inexplicable void left by the unborn or young child…
I pray for the irreplaceable longing for the spouses without their other half,
I pray for the strength of Your people
and the continued faith in Your will.
I thank you for the deliverance that was, that is, and that cometh still…
God of all Creation, in this season where wicked decrees are overturned,
I pray You return all Your people to Your teaching
and direct us all to what You would have us learn.
March 7, 2014
I could spend a lifetime
trying to prove
I deserve vindication for the pain…
that I have some real value
but what would it gain?
There can not be a way
to undo all the mistakes
can a betrayal become erased?
and judgments can not be undone
a lifetime spent shining light
will not change the mind
or a heart, or the eyes that have become bind.
Instead what I seek
is to find my glory
in knowing that I am Yours
and that Your desire is what controls me,
Your will is what moves me
Your lovingkindness defines me…
so instead of wanting the approval of man,
or vidication from those who have slandered
I will wait on You and ask for Your reproof
because Your judgment is the ONE that matters.
ADONAI, kindest gentlest most patient love
forgive me for all the time I have wasted
for the times I have failed.
Tear open the deepest caverns,
cut away all that of which You do not find favor…
spill out Your light inside.
Make a me a vessel through which Your glory could abide,
guard me from the snares and traps of my enemies…
and reprove all of us with Your eternal, trustworthy, perfect Torah.
In the Name of Yeshua, all things be done in accordance with Your will.
Glory, You alone…are my glory.
I only care about what You see.
February 28, 2014
You are my intention
you are not an afterthought
You are my direction
You’re everything I’ve got.
You are my motivation
You are not secondary
You are my inspiration
You’re everything to me.
Though the world turns
all the things and stuff piles up…
You are there within me,
I could never thank You enough.
So although it is insufficient,
and although I am unworthy…
please accept all the things we are doing
as a heartfelt offering….
Please make it ALL come about
to bring you glory.
I praise You my King.
February 21, 2014
You gave us a few
we can wear them
express them in all that we do
of heart, space and in time
they are the realized intentions
of the Divine
separate, set apart
You’ve told us why to rest
and when our work should start
like the holes in His hands
they are as real at this moment
as all of His everlasting commands
as I think about Your Sabbath
this sacred forever sign
I think about his agonizing payment
for sins for generations…
for all time.
Just as every drop- offered blood
of the Living Word is holy,
so is the imperishability
of every single ‘utterance’
on each page
of the given heart of my King
as a child
I read these pages
and over and over I recognize
how continuously prompting
the Sabbath commands,
Lord and at once I realize
to choose Your rest
is ours only because Yeshua died
and we… now free from death,
and by choice enslaved to the Master of all goodness and all Truth
we…. resolve and conclude
to uphold and honor Your commands
to embrace these forever signs
as if we were pointing to his hands
living according to Your design.
Shabbat Shalom beloved of YAH!
February 14, 2014
2 A jealous and avenging God is the Lord;
The Lord is avenging and wrathful.
The Lord takes vengeance on His adversaries,
And He reserves wrath for His enemies.
3 The Lord is slow to anger and great in power,
And the Lord will by no means leave the guilty unpunished.
In whirlwind and storm is His way,
And clouds are the dust beneath His feet.
4 He rebukes the sea and makes it dry;
He dries up all the rivers.
Bashan and Carmel wither;
The blossoms of Lebanon wither.
5 Mountains quake because of Him
And the hills dissolve;
Indeed the earth is upheaved by His presence,
The world and all the inhabitants in it.
6 Who can stand before His indignation?
Who can endure the burning of His anger?
His wrath is poured out like fire
And the rocks are broken up by Him.
7 The Lord is good,
A stronghold in the day of trouble,
And He knows those who take refuge in Him.
8 But with an overflowing flood
He will make a complete end of [c]its site,
And will pursue His enemies into darkness.
9 Whatever you devise against the Lord,
He will make a complete end of it.
Distress will not rise up twice.
10 Like tangled thorns,
And like those who are drunken with their drink,
They are consumed
As stubble completely withered.
11 From you has gone forth
One who plotted evil against the Lord,
A wicked counselor.
12 Thus says the Lord,
“Though they are at full strength and likewise many,
Even so, they will be cut off and pass away.
Though I have afflicted you,
I will afflict you no longer.
13 “So now, I will break his yoke bar from upon you,
And I will tear off your shackles.”
14 The Lord has issued a command concerning you:
“Your name will no longer be perpetuated.
I will cut off idol and image
From the house of your gods.
I will prepare your grave,
For you are contemptible.”
15 Behold, on the mountains the feet of him who brings good news,
Who announces peace!
Celebrate your feasts, O Judah;
Pay your vows.
For never again will the wicked one pass through you;
He is cut off completely.
I do not underestimate Your power and Your might
Your burning passion for righteousness
warms me to my core
Continually You wait and long
for all to turn and repent
may all creation remember their Maker
may every man find the One God of Israel
your compassion and patience
melts the ice around my heart
if I, insignificant being of flesh, am capable of understanding
why some of Your children can not see…
how much more so O my savior
in Your just righteous love will you have mercy.
I pray for that mercy on Your people, whom You have called by Your name….
mercy over this entire generation
mercy for all that is profaned.
As for me and my house,
we enter in gladness
to sanctify and set apart
that which You called a sign forever…
what is the shadow
keeping me from seeing clearly
the cover of cloud
which causes me to doubt
am I saved
for I have not been faithful
there is bitterness
there is anxiety and frustration
and I fail
and time again
there is darkness Lord
it covers my eyes
so this is what I ask
although I have no worthy deeds
they are all but filthy rags,
please bend your favor
and pour it out over me
here I am…
take all that I have left to give
and grant me the strength to stand.
Lord despite the poison arrows
deception and misdirection,
despite this cover of cloud
the eyes, the windows to the soul that
you have placed within me,
the eyes of my heart…
are functioning, working and perhaps even excelling….
for they have been trained to longingly seek,
lovingly gaze in awe
these are the eyes I see with now
while the world around me falls apart
through the lens of Your justice, Your righteousness and Grace
I will see
that everything is in place
there is nothing here
but the desire to praise
and marvel at thee
touch my spirit,
make me clean
wash away the filth
so that I might kneel before you, my King
and lift up this
thank You for filling my every need.
Things are not always what they seem,
when doubt and self loathing creeps in please remember
nothing can snatch you from His hands
Its hard to look at ourselves and really see in the mirror, and in each other…what the Lord see’s and the way He loves us. Its unfathomable this love. But just as He is, His Word is, His Spirit is…eternal is this love.
January 31, 2013
This is my delight,
that my King is my portion.
This is my pride,
that I am Yours alone to define.
This is my reason,
that in You I live…even if I die.
This is my hope,
that You are coming back for me.
I will delight in the portion which You have assigned, I will rest in understanding You will not finish Your work in me until I see Your face, all of this existence is for Your praise and there is another Day beyond the death of flesh, I will wait for You and watch for You my King.
I will remember the joy and light You left within each one of us…
and upon this, I will meditate.
January 17, 2013
Exodus 19; 16 On the third day when it was morning, there was thunder and lightning and a heavy cloud on the mountain, and the sound of the shofar was very powerful, and the entire people that was in the camp shuddered. 17 Moses brought the people forth from the camp toward God, and they stood at the bottom of the mountain. 18 All of Mount Sinai was smoking because HASHEM had descended upon it in the fire; its smoke ascended like the smoke of a furnace, and the entire mountain shuddered exceedingly. 19 The sound of the shofar grew continually much stronger; Moses would speak and God would respond to him with a voice.
The people tremble and the mountains quake
because You are almighty
and in Your tremendous splendor
You designed life for us
eternal for those prepared to approach the mountain
the boundary line You alone have set
and it was forever that these words were to be observed
for the downpour of blessing
for the torrents of mercy
for the continual patience
for the exhaustive love You have bestowed
I praise You and I bless Your holy Name
transform Your people
at Your feet
touch our shoulders as we quiver
remind us of Your benevolence
by Your tenderness
may we all yearn to approach you
and hearken to the ever growing sound
of the shofar
announcing the returning of our King
B’shem Yeshua ha Mashiac
January 10, 2013
Oh beautiful savior it indeed
is an unknowable wondrous thing
to consider that You broke your body
Oh master of my power
with each and every passing hour
I wait for you,my refuge, O strong tower
the sweetest tongue touching a sponge so sour
From the beginning you were there
you made it all with the utmost care
out of darkness through the sorrow in the bitter despair
you hung bleeding, as your brethren helplessly stared
It was your design, you made it that way
a deliverance from death no power could sway
redemption, blood too valuable for anyone to say
and though you linger, you aren’t far away
I miss you as if I already know…
with a longing too deep, beyond all the tears that now flow
you are there in the revelation you left us and every letter shows
the precision of your love, which daily grows
Come ADONAI, my Lord, my everything
take me in your arms, cover me in the shade of your great wings
forever grant me eternity to render homage, service, praise…to your body, once broken, now alive…
I don’t know why You love us so much, but it makes life seem all the more worth living fully.
It is as if all of a sudden, the power and weight of Your sacrifice is clear…
just an instant, and I am filled with resolve, determined to know You more.
Use every bit of me, my King.
B’shem Yeshua, Yeshua, Yeshua…..
Shabbat Shalom !
December 27, 2013
Rejoice in union with the Lord always! I will say it again: Rejoice! Let everyone see how reasonable and gentle you are. The Lord is near! Don’t worry about anything; on the contrary, make your requests known to God by prayer and petition with thanksgiving. Then God’s Shalom, passing understanding, will keep your hearts and minds safe in union with the Messiah Yeshua. In conclusion, brothers, focus your thoughts on what is true, noble, righteous, pure, loveable or admirable, on some virtue or one something praiseworthy. Philippians 4;4-8
In the dream there was a wall of water rising up from the edge of the sea, there was a city and this wave towered mightily over it…
people on balconies and peering from resturant windows noticed it, but they had become aware too late….
we were in the shelter of a vehicle, and parked in a tunnel, a bridge and as the water crashed down someone said….
it just as Yeshua said, and this is the beginning of the birth pangs, the travail arrives…
He surely is coming soon.
Pouring around us pounding inundating the world as we knew it before
yet in the cover we had taken…there was silence,
there was peace as we watched and waited.
Then the water rose and we were lifted and swept from the shelter
to a dry path,
it was paved and everything else had been swept away.
In the dream we prepared for something,
we were cleaning and arranging,
scraping together what we could…
to make a meal and there was grey,
grime and silence.
Nothing but our murmuring’s of preparation,
the boiling of water in a pot
the swipe of broom across cold concrete floor.
In the dream, despite the destruction, aside from the reality that everything had drastically changed…
the observance we still performed,
in the stillness and quiet of our hearts….
it was forefront, still in our minds.
And there was relief as we sat,
there was a deep comfort and unexplainable peace
that surrounded the makeshift table we gathered round.
There were faces unfamiliar, and suddenly we
were a family of survivors…
honoring God and humbly praising Him
for saving our lives and bringing us to that moment of rest.
The spirit of waiting and anticipation
waiting…for the King.
(*I don’t ever really remember my dreams, maybe I had it because I knew today I would be preparing for the Sabbath. I often wonder how things will be in the future, one thing I am sure…the Lord will provide a way for us to honor Him and His holy days. As He re-creates and continually renews creation each day, each week and rests…we remember it and honor it with our own preparation and rest for the sake of His sanctification. We look forward to the eternal Sabbath rest with our savior and King Yeshua.)
December 20, 2013
HASHEM, before the world closes in on me
before time and space escape me
before my thoughts become to cluttered
before I fail to manage it all
I lift praise and honor and glory to You Father
I smile in the warmth of Your shelter
I recognize the difference between Your holiness
and the cold reality of a degrading world
Forgive me Father for not trusting You more
where I have failed I pray You restore
Please protect me and what You have lent me
Please speak in the inner chambers of my heart
as I rest in Your Sabbath
eat at the abundant table of Your Torah
and kneel my being at the feet of my savior Yeshua.
It is in His name, in accordance with Your will and by the power of the Holy Spirit
I ask these things.
December 12, 2013
Let it rage and ravage
give me strength through the damage
I know where my Help comes from
Be it pillage and plight
grant endurance in spite
for nothing undoes this surpassing Love
If I’m bloodied or bruised
restore my flesh, make me new
my home is not here, but somewhere above
In this journey past the toil
I can picture the King so royal
this Hope is enduring and far more than enough
blessed are You Most High and King
may You forever be praised my Father
pour out blessing over Your people
far and near
please grant us Your spirit and a heart to hear…
b’shem Yeshua HaMashiac
December 6, 2013
But Joseph said to them, “Fear not, for am I instead of God? Although you intended me harm, God intended it for good: in order to accomplish- it is as clear as this day- that a vast people will be kept alive. So now, fear not- I will sustain you and your young ones.” Thus he comforted them and spoke to their heart. Genesis 50;19-21
If you have been abused, disregarded, upset, hurt, ignored, misjudged, belittled, betrayed…see the lesson in the words of the man, Joseph.
One who was torn from his father and home, cast into a pit to die, sold as a slave (all by his own brothers),falsely accused and convicted of rape, thrown into a dungeon…yet he rose, he was lifted by the Lord to a position of great power and authority. He could have rubbed it all in his brother’s faces when they came to him in a time of dire need. He did test them in ways which causes their true repentance to come to light yet still they feared him…when their father died they thought he would recall all the pain and trial he had endured at their hand, but Joseph was aware of a higher purpose. He was sure all the time, especially as he saw his dreams come true before his eyes…that God had placed him there for that time and purpose to do good for his family members and many others.
You too have been created for such a time a this. To be RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE, at THIS VERY MOMENT to do good…to shine the light of God which lives within every man. It is not happenstance that we have been placed amid the turmoil that we witness, it is not chance that we have endured all the pain the past may have produced…it is all so that we might be strong and endure when we are cast (or fall) into the next dark pit. For we have the promise that our Father will lift us up, do good with us and cause us to change for the better. Comfort your brothers, encourage your sisters, equip your children and rejoice in the here and now and in the ever present all knowing Creator in Whom there is no wrong!!
November 29, 2013
LORD, this may be the only chance I get tonight
I praise You and marvel at Your glory.
With all the compassion and Love You contain,
wrap Yourself around those who have lost.
With the abundance and limitlessness of your
patience and mercy, encourage and strengthen
those who feel thin, drained and hopeless.
LORD, I dedicate this and every breath to You and
ask for forgiveness where I have failed.
I magnify with this expression Your sovereignty and magesty
when I say, Thank You for giving us this Sabbath and Feast of Dedication…
I have nothing profound to offer in this place,
I just bow down at Your feet in awe at the idea that
You chose me to have ears to hear and eyes to see…
open my eyes my ears and above all my heart every day more and more….
that I may serve you more.
Blessed are You Lord my God King of the universe, Who sanctifies the Sabbath. B’shem Yeshua ha Mashiac, amein
November 22, 2013
may I never again dim my eyes
may I never forget how to see
the wonder in Your love, infinitely
may I never block my ears
may I never fail to hear
the eternal justice in Your word, I’m listening,
with awe and fear
may the deception and lies which braced my lips
never again come between
my soul and Your Spirit, empty me…make me clean.
may I never return, never go back, never again slide into the pit…
I leave who I once was in the grave and climb upward
where Your light stays lit….
He Who Was, Who Is and to He Who Is To Come
appear in clarity and in truth
speak so that I might hear You,
reveal to us now
how to prepare
and may it never be said,
on the day of battle…
she withdrew, and fled.
Arm me with Your righteousness, shield me with Your Truth
comfort me as a child, as Your own in the safety of Your womb.
and from beginning to end
there is only One we can always trust
only One on whom we can always depend
may He alone with grace and patience and also with His might
guide His children back to Him, to be honorable according to His sight…
Lord may there be rest and recognition, start to finish, in all of Your delights!
Thank You my King…
All things be according to Your will and in Yeshua’s Name.
Forever HASHEM, Your word stands firm in the heavens. Your faithfulness is from generation to generation, You established the earth and it endures. To fulfill Your decree they stand until this day, for all are Your servants. Had Your Torah not been my preoccupation, then I would have perished in my affliction. I will never forget Your precepts, for through them You have preserved me. I am Yours, save me, for I have sought Your precepts. The wicked hoped to destroy me, but I contemplate Your testimonies. To every goal I have seen an end, but Your commandment is exceedingly broad. O how I love Your Torah! All day long it is in my conversation.
Psalm 119; 89-97
November 15, 2013
Therefore, this says the Lord, “If you return, then I will restore you- Before Me will you stand; And if you extract the precious from the worthless, You will become My spokesman. They for their part may turn to you, but as for you, you must not turn to them. Then I will make you to this people a fortified wall of bronze; and though they fight against you, they will not prevail over you; for I am with you to save you and deliver you,” declares the Lord. Jeremiah 15;19-20 (NAS)
Fear? for the future, what will “I” have to give up?
Angst? for position, at that time, what will my answer be?
Sorrow? for what one “has” now, how I will miss this?
The Kingdom is inside you. The work of the Kingdom begins now, today in your own life.
There is something glorious that awaits the remnant of the elect…
this is where the sacrifice begins, in this world.
He has given us every thing, each moment, each smile, each breath….
what we offer and lift in his name IS treasure in heaven.
He emptied himself to shame and death, he took the cup meant for the adulterous bride and he drank deeply…because of the depth of his love for you, he did this before you knew him…and he lives unbound, awaiting all those who are his to return to him…to come to him.
Let go of what is most precious to you and put it in to his hands, trust that he is coming to claim you and that he draws near with each passing day.
Realize that while you build here, for the good and light…as you should,
there is a place for you in eternity, to rest, to praise, to delight in his reign.
Most High, God of Abraham, Isaac and Jacob…
I open my lips to declare Your praise.
At this and every moment I am in awe at Your mercy.
In all things You hearken and answer.
May You pour out abundant healing and protection over Your people Israel and all those bound to Your covenant, eternal.
Please call soon, our friends and family who may not know You yet.
Please return with a strong hand all those who have gone astray.
May we all understand that anything we ask, in the Name of Your Son, and in accordance with You masterful magnificent will and design…
there will come the answer.
Answer us from Your throne as we rest in You.
Teach us from Your Torah as we seek You.
B’shem Yeshua HaMashiac, amein.
November 8, 2013
Bereshit 28;13 And behold! HASHEM was standing over him, and He said, “I am HASHEM, God of Abraham your father and God of Isaac; the ground upon which you are lying, to you will I give it and to your descendants. 14 Your offspring shall be as the dust of the earth, and you shall spread out powerfully westward, eastward, northward and southward; and all the families of the earth shall bless themselves by you and your offspring. 15 Behold, I am with you; I will guard you wherever you go, and I will return you to this soil; for I will not forsake you until I have done with you what I have spoken about you.”
Promisekeeper, I trust in only You.
Brilliant Redeemer, unworthy I offer all for Your truth.
Potent Convictor, by Your word alone I will move.
Loving Father, carve away the pain and fill that room.
Father, my King…we trust in what You came to do, the work that wont be finished until the present is removed.
Thank you for giving us a purpose to breathe. I pray for all Your children to take refuge in thee.
Beautiful Savior, there is only you…
Thank you Almighty for being so true.
B’Shem Yeshua HaMashiac Amein.
November 1, 2013
What once seemed so far away
is now within my reach
but surely I’d be without a hand
had You not made one for me,
What at one time seemed staggering
has now become stable
but surely I would have no strength to stand
had You not made me able,
What at once was a vague impression
has now come into focus
but surely I would wander blind
had You not clarified in a perfect convergence….
Master of space, Master of time,
to You I lift all praise,
Master of physical, Master of invisible,
thank You for your Grace,
Master of legions and Master of wars
both vast and innermost…
it is because I am Yours and You have use for me…
and only in these, in my savior do I proudly boast
I am a slave to the Most High
forever at His feet,
I am assigned to a certain road
and at the end my Love and I will meet.
Baruch Attah ADONAI eloheinu
Lord of the Sabbath rest I attest…
here You seek us and what I pray You will find
each one of Yours, for You, at their best.
October 25, 2013
If I forget you O Jerusalem, may my right hand forget its skill, may my tongue adhere to my palate if I fail to recall you according to my utmost joy.
Arise in the morning and feel her breathing,
preparing for the illumination of the Sabbath light…
I mimic her as I turn down my bed,
prepare my heart as I ready my home…
Blessed are you, O beloved of the Most High,
and may you be protected as you rest.
The desert sands have reached my soul,
the echoes of prayers from the Kotel bricks…
have enlivened my heart…
Blessed are you, faithful of the Lord,
may He shine His face upon you,
may He show you His Yeshua, His salvation soon….
I will raise my cup amid my joy and remember how you have preserved His testimonies,
I will bask in the warmth of the Sanctities you continually bear witness to,
having borne the humiliation and pains for centuries may He soon vindicate you in your fidelity….
Praised be the Most High God and blessed be His people and His Land,
Praised by the Son who gave us the route here,
the avenue to become adopted sons and daughters of Israel…
True and Faithful are His words, trustworthy is His Torah,
Perfect is the Word made Flesh, may he soon come in glory!
Seek the HASHEM, when He can be found; call Him when He is near. Let the wicked forsake his way and the iniquitous man his thoughts; and let him return to HASHEM and He will show him mercy, to our God for He will be abundantly forgiving. For My thoughts are not your thoughts, and your ways are not My ways, the words of HASHEM. As high as the heavens over the earth, so are My ways higher than your ways, and My thoughts than your thoughts. For just as the rain and snow descend from heaven and will not return there, unless it waters the earth and causes it to produce and sprout, and gives seed to the sower and food to the eater; so shall be My word which emanates from My mouth, it shall not return to Me unfulfilled unless it will have accomplished what I desired and brought success where I sent it.
Isaiah 55; 6-11
ADONAI please be with Yours wherever they may be, may You encourage all of us to continue sowing Your seeds. Please equip us with all that we will need to sow in righteousness, and as we wait for Yeshua may we be tools for Your use, using the time we have left. If we do not see produce or even any growth, please encourage us from our souls to give it to You and let the word take hold. You charged us to plant and to water, to tend and to prune… but only You can make the good fruit, and we pray for our households, our families, and Israel You gather in all Yours, soon….
close to You Lord, is our longing. Give us ears to hear for our Savior is calling.
B’Shem Yeshua haMashiac amein
October 18, 2013
Out of the stillness, Your glory calls…
Make me Your instrument
I will play in Your Halls
Tune me with Your discipline
I will submit to Your rule
Marking well Your Majestic Symphony
I have made Your Word the tool
by which I emote passion for every measure,
through which light and real substance resonate
awe and wonder abound….
Make me Your instrument
how I long for You to use
this willing mute lump of clay
to express something beautiful straight from You!
Looking at the past can drum up pain
pangs of guilt and sorrow remain
lift up your hands to the One Who reaches back
use your every effort in His Name,
His is healing, His is repair,
He is assistance, ready when no one else is there
He knows where you are going and knows where you have been
He guards you every second, fully aware of the unseen…
unseen transgressions, unseen dispute
unseen wandering, unseen fruit…
Doubt and shame He cannot claim, they come from a bitter root
among which He cannot remain.
Trust in Him, believe in His truth
Forgive your brother, forgive yourself…
Embrace the Conductor, Creator Most High
make your life resemble a serenade to the King
beautiful music and in His rest come alive….
October 11, 2013
I am in awe at all You have done for me!
Baruch Atta ADONAI!! Thank You my King!
Can the heavens hear my heart as I constantly sing?
Does my praise reach the throne day and night as I speak…
inside, out, silently and aloud?
Passionate, faithful, majestic, inconceivable!!
You create the impossible with direct intention and sublime design…
Oh my ADONAI,
can You see the intensity I feel in my bosom?
My heart beats because You cradle it, caress it, and beckon in on.
I know You can because there is One…
lifting, bringing, interceding for me and for all those in him
may all our voices in prayer and praise…silent and aloud reach Your throne
and may Your mercy and grace abound,
for his namesake, and in his name, for his honor, without him nothing could be this amazing…
B’shem Yeshua Ha Mashiac
October 4, 2013
desire like I have never known…
when I feel distance from the throne
the void is expansive and utterly empty.
It is You Who, in Your unbound compassion
I see you, I see into your heart, I know your every breath, I guard your every step, I know you. You are Mine.
There is but one and only one goal which drives me forward,
to fall before You one day and hear my Father say…
I saw her, she loves Me with all her heart, she spoke of Me in her every breath, she walked toward Me with intention and sought Me according to My own directions….
I know her, she knows Me. I am hers and she is My own maidservant forever.
My King, in this new season, these tears are not of sadness…
they are of a joy that I can not express,
for the way You lovingly tend to me.
You know I feel “I wish I could do more! To know You more! To draw nearer!” and You in Your great wisdom answer my heart. My heart responds:
I will worship in our conversations, I will worship in our chores, I will worship in cycles of discipline, I will worship in the battles and the challenges, I will worship in tears, I will worship in hugs and kisses and even while we rest, I will worship in all changes and in all seasons and in all things….because I know Avinu Malkeinu, this is how I can come close to You my dear King.
Thank You Lord, for Your kindness…mercy…comfort….You really are completely GOOD, Beneficent Maker I praise You!
September 20, 2013
staring down into your tiny face
I am able to grasp a miniscule taste
of an answer to the question which swirls in my mind
how can You invest love in mankind…
tracing your soft skin with my fingertips
I am able to feel at once a hint and a glimpse
into the echo from the divine,
answer to the question which races in my mind
how can You endure mankind…
pulling your tiny form into my own
in an instant as I pray the heart of my Father unfolds,
this is the way You have shown us Your love
the extent of our ability to be consumed by something…
as huge and encompassing as our own endearment feels,
Your love, Your devotion to mankind is so real.
After all we have done, all the destruction and distortion…
You have made mankind Your portion,
You stare down into our faces with a compassion we sense,
as we as infants…helpless in Your arms rely completely on Your movements….
You trace our lives, our paths which unfold upon Your vast palm…
desiring the very best, that we choose life…Your design and complete reliance upon it….
Under Your Shade, in Your Succah, In Your rest….You draw us near Your form, unseen…ever present, draw us near to Your pulse, unfathomable…
I rest my ear to hear the heartbeat of my King…
as it lulls me, closing my eyes to all other things….
We are precious to You fathoms and myriads beyond the expansive love I feel for the child in my arms,
thank You for this gift…
a glimpse into the answer….
You choose mankind,
may all mankind speedily and wholeheartedly choose
Blessed are You Lord my God, King of the universe, You have brought us to this season of delight and we will dance around Your altar with all of our hearts! Shabbat Succos Shalom!
September 13, 2013
There is not a call from the heart unheard by God, neither will he refrain from a response…
Why a soul has such an encompassing yearning for closeness with God,
the soul is a part of God above, and always desires to reunite with its source….
Yom Kippur, the Day of Atonement…the one day a year the Kohen Gadol can enter the Holy of Holies,
but He is not alone.
The entire people enter with Him.
One day, we ALL enter the holy of holies…by means of the High Priest Yeshua
we all enter and ask forgiveness…
The place of entry without the Temple?
The entry from the heart.
The holy of holies.
Transformitive, if you seek to grasp It….
concrete effect….uplifting to realize
though we may wander and feel separate…feel far away or apart from God, we are never actually disconnected.
We are never cut from Him.
Because of the Blood of the Lamb we gain access…
My King as these days of Awe draw to a close,
I ask that You enclose me,
forgive and renew us all….
give us clean garments and circumcised hearts…
we yearn for You.
Please hearken, please inscribe us in the book of Life…
for a good year, filled with peace….
consumed with a new devotion to You.
In the Name of my Redeemer, High Priest and coming King…
September 6, 2013
Psalm 19;2 The heavens declare the glory of God, and the firmament tells of His handiwork. 3 Day following day utters speech, and night following night declares knowledge. 4 There is no speech and there are no words; their sound is not heard. 5 Their precision goes forth throughout the earth, and their words reach the end of the inhabited world. In their midst He has set up a tent for the sun, 6 which is like a groom emerging from his bridal chamber, it rejoices like a powerful warrior to run the course. 7 Its source is the end of the heavens and its circuit is to their end; nothing is hidden from its heat. 8 The Torah of HASHEM is perfect, restoring the soul; the testimony of HASHEM is trustworthy, making the simple one wise, 9 the orders of HASHEM are true, altogether righteous.
Devarim 32;1 Give ear, O heavens, and I will speak; and may the earth hear the words of my mouth.
2 May my teaching drop like the rain, may my utterance flow like the dew; like storm winds upon vegetation and like raindrops upon blades of grass. 3 When I call out the Name of HASHEM, ascribe greatness to our God. 4 The Rock! – perfect is His work, for all His paths are justice; a God of faith without iniquity, righteous and fair is He. 5 Corruption is not His- the blemish is His children’s, a perverse and twisted generation. 6 Is it to HASHEM that you do this, O vile and unwise people? Is He not your Father, your Master? Has He not created you and firmed you? 7 Remember the days of yore, understand the years of generation after generation. Ask your father and he will relate it to you, your elders and they will tell you. 8 When the Supreme One gave the nations their inheritance, when He separated the children of man, He set the borders of the peoples according to the number of the Children of Israel. 9 For HASHEM’s portion is His people; Jacob is the measure of His inheritance. 10 He discovered them in a desert land, in desolation, a howling wilderness; He encircled him, He granted Him discernment, He preserved him like the pupil of His eye. 11 He was like an eagle arousing its nest, hovering over its young, spreading its wings and taking them, carrying them on its pinions. 12 HASHEM alone guided them, and no other power was with them.
You did not have to bestow upon us this crown of splendor,
nor were there any worthy deeds that could merit Your endowment of this eternal covenant for all people to grasp…
You weren’t bound by any obligation to grace us with Your Torah, Your Testimony…
You did not have to express to us Your heart….
You have already equipped us with armor, warning, battle plan….
yet You continue to pull upon the reigns of our hearts to prepare us…..
It is Your measure I seek,
Your desire after which I long,
Your counsel after which I hearken….
with thirsty ears
and hungry heart
You have fashioned me
I am Your vessel….
we are Your people,
we seek the only shelter which is Firm,
we clasp our hands tightly to Your soft feathers….
embracing the wind which beats against us,
upon Your Glorious Wings we ride….
to the heights where we seek him,
and ask that he come soon…..
return for us our Savior,
our Redeemer and Avenger,
please show us Your Yeshua, soon, for Your Yeshua we long!!
August 30, 2013
Psalm 25;8 Good and upright is the Lord; therefore He shows sinners the way. 9 He guides the lowly in the right path, and teaches the lowly His way. 10 All the Lord’s paths are steadfast love for those who keep the decrees of His covenant. 11 As befits Your Name, O Lord, pardon my iniquity though it be great. 12 Whoever fears the Lord, he shall be shown what path to choose. 13 He shall live a happy life, and his children shall inherit the Land. 14 The counsel of the Lord is for those who fear Him; to them He makes known His covenant.
Devarim 30;15 See- I have placed before you today the life and the good, and the death and the evil, 16 that which I command you today, to love HASHEM, your God, to walk in His ways, to observe His commandments, His decrees, and His ordinances; then you will live and you will multiply, and HASHEM, your God, will bless you in the Land to which you will come to possess it. 17 But if your heart will stray and you will not listen, and you are led astray, and you prostrate yourself to the gods of others and serve them, 18 I tell you today that you will surely be lost; you will not lengthen your days upon the Land that you cross the Jordan to come, to possess it. 19 I call heaven and earth today to bear witness against you: I have placed life and death before you, blessing and curse; and you shall choose life, so that you may live, you and your offspring- 20 to love HASHEM, your God, to listen to His voice and to cleave to Him, for He is your life and the length of your days, to dwell upon the Land that HASHEM swore to your forefathers, to Abraham, to Isaac, and to Jacob, to give them.
Because Yeshua is the Living Torah, we can LIVE in UNION with Him in keeping, safeguarding, upholding and furnishing our lives with that which David calls as steadfast, righteous, perfect…His heart, His Torah, the Word made Flesh before us ALWAYS.
Erase my iniquities, create a new heart for me, circumcised to serve You with fear and awe and reverence….please, You alone, be my Counselor, as I have said to You my King, I choose You, I choose life, I choose the path of Your Covenant, eternal and Trustworthy. I will never be the same, I will never go ‘back’, thank You Long Suffering Almighty God for keeping me this long…use Your maidservant and all Your children for Your goodly purposes.
In Yeshua’s Name I pray you all be blessed!
August 23, 2013
What I seek,
Where I kneel,
before Your Throne…
All I lift,
my heart in whole…
My only prayer,
to be drawn close…
Close to You
my One and Only,
Close to You,
I need You..
we need You…
please return to us Your Son.
In this place I breathe again,
here I seek complete
and total rest…
for my spirit, soul and body…
I have nothing to give,
just all that I am as an offering…
I am Yours,
I am Yours…
thank You, thank You, thank You LORD!
August 9, 2013
breath, Your portion…
Life, Your graciousness…
makes everything real to me.
Forgiveness, Your nature….
reminds me it is You alone I need.
Help, my prayer…
please have mercy my King.
Salvation, his Name…
the only True meaning.
Redeemer, I’m unworthy…
thank You for love outpouring.
There are no words,
only the Shalom You have placed deep within…
my essence, my guts….
clear out more and more,
make me see.
November 5, 2012
Can you muster the strength to fly?
Can you find the time to declare?
Do you have the spark to keep the fire burning bright?
*I am daily working on more, searching…so for now this compilation of contemplation and reading the greatest things beyond my thoughts I have simply typed with the time I’ve been blessed with. I pray it will bless you in many ways!! Stay in the word. Safeguarding the Eternal means…remembering to remember, memorizing to teach and share. Books can burn and fire is coming, nothing can strip you of His eternal gifts and promise! Not even death, which yet life anew. Be blessed!!
“I, Yeshua, have sent my angel to give you this testimony for the Messianic communities. I am the Root and Offspring on David, the bright Morning Star. The Spirit and the Bride say, ‘Come!’ Let anyone who hears say, ‘Come!’ And let anyone thirsty come- let anyone who wishes, take the water of life free of charge.” I warn everyone hearing the words of the prophecy in this book that if anyone adds to them, God will ad to him the plagues written in this book. And if anyone takes anything away from the words in the book of this prophecy, God will take away his share in the Tree of Life and the holy city, as described in this book. “Then the one who is testifying to these things says, ‘Yes, I am coming soon!'” Amen! Come, Lord Yeshua! May the grace of the Lord Yeshua be with all!
Revelation 22; 16-21
HASHEM founded the earth with wisdom; He established the heavens with understanding, through His knowledge, the depths were cleaved, and the heavens dripped dew. My child, do not let them stray from your eyes; safeguard the eternal Torah and [its] wise design. They will be life to your soul and a graceful [ornament] for your neck. Then you will walk on your way securely, and your foot will not stumble. When you lie down you will not fear; you will lie down and your sleep will be pleasant. You will not fear sudden terror, nor the holocaust of the wicked when it comes. For HASHEM will be your security, and He will guard your feet from entrapment.
Proverbs 3; 19- 26
“For all the nations have drunk of the wine of God’s fury caused by her whoring- yes, the kings of the earth went whoring with her, and from her unrestrained love of luxury the world’s businessmen have grown rich.” Then I heard another voice out of heaven say: “My people, come out of her! so that you will not share in her sins, so that you will not be infected by her plagues, for her sins are a sticky mass piled up to heaven, and God has remembered her crimes.
Revelation 18; 3- 5
Surely I am a boor of a man who does not have human understanding. I have not learned wisdom, nor known sacred knowledge. Who ascended to heaven and descended? Who else gathered the wind in his palm? Who else tied waters in a cloak? Who established all the earth? What is his name, and what is his son’s name. if you know? Every word of God is refined; He is a shield to those who trust in Him. Do not add to His words, lest He test You and find that you deceived. I ask two things of You. Do not withhold them from me before I die: Keep vanity and falseness far from me; give me neither poverty or wealth, but allot me my daily bread, lest I be sated and deny [You] and say, “Who is HASHEM?” and lest I become impoverished and steal, and take the Name of my God [in a vain oath of innocence]! Do not slander: a servant to his master, lest he curse you and you be made desolate; [nor] a generation that curses its father and does not bless its mother; [nor] a generation that is pure in its own eyes, and does not cleanse itself of its own filth; [ nor] a generation whose eyes are very haughty and whose eyelids are arched; [nor] a generation whose teeth are swords and whose molars are knives, to devour the poor from the land and the destitute from mankind.
God stands in the Divine assembly, in the midst of judges shall He judge. Until when will you judge lawlessly and favor the presence of the wicked, Selah? Dispense justice for the needy and the orphan; vindicate the poor and impoverished. Rescue the needy and destitute, and deliver them from the hand of the wicked. They do not know, nor do they understand, they walk in darkness; all the foundations of the earth collapse. I said, “You are angelic, sons of the Most High are you all.” But like men you shall die, and like one of the princes you shall fall. Arise, O God, judge the earth, for You shall seek Your inheritance among all the nations.
Now, O Israel, listen to the decrees and to the ordinances that I teach you to perform, so that you may live, and you will come and possess the Land that HASHEM, the God of your forefathers, gives you. You shall not add to the word that I command you, nor shall you subtract from it, to observe the commandments of HASHEM, your God, that I command you.
“You are the light for the world. A town built on a hill cannot be hidden. Likewise, when people light a lamp, they don’t cover it with a bowl but put it on a lamp stand, so that it shines for everyone in the house. In the same way let your light shine before people, so that they may see the good things you do and praise your Father in heaven. “Do not think that I have come to abolish the Torah or the Prophets. I have not come to abolish but to complete. Yes indeed! I tell you that until heaven and earth pass away, not so much as a yud or stroke will pass from the Torah- not until everything that must happen has happened. So whoever disobeys the least of these mitzvot and teaches others to do so will be called least in the Kingdom of Heaven.
‘Our Father in heaven! May Your Name be kept holy, may Your Kingdom come, Your will be done on earth as in heaven. Give us the food we need today. Forgive us what we have done wrong, as we too have forgiven those who have wronged us. And lead us not into hard testing, but keep us safe from the evil one. Amen.’
God trustworthy King,
Hear O Israel, ALL Israel!
The Lord our God,
ADONAI is One!
Blessed is the Name of His Glorious Kingdom for all eternity!
My King, there is no drink that satisfies, nor meal which sustains..
not fleeting enjoyment
not brightly lit distraction…
which quenches, feeds, builds and enlivens me like Your Eternal Word.
Though I fail you…
YOU give to me,
encouraging and protecting my spirit…
it is Yours as is every single ounce of strength I have,
my soul belongs to You as is every moment you grant me to serve.
Your Name my King shall not leave my mouth forever….
we need you.
When I think…”More time, more time to repair and sew. More time…to build and tend.” I remember you designed all, know all, see all and will restore all!! Please write your Name upon me. May I be counted among your sheep, may I be strengthened enough in the evil days ahead to be worthy to serve in your army!
we need you.
October 28, 2012
O my King
when I feel disconnected
You continually tie me to souls
who remind me of my
O my King
when I feel Your Hand
binding and healing
sewing and instructing
I am in awe
and I think
If only I were a bird
I would fly to the ends of the earth
and proclaim Your Goodness
then I would return and announce
on another endless flight
Your Glory and
when I lower my head
and dwell on
It is Your Confidence in me
I am Your bird
with a voice
It is Your Confidence
that forms my wings
that I might fly
will fly my King
until the day I
return to You
and I will sing
of Your Goodness
and Your Love
to the ends of the earth
each portion I can
in my finite being…
It is Your confidence alone
that give me wings!
And it is the song of Your Grace
and Might I shall sing
O thank You
for giving me wings!
October 18, 2012
WE TOO HAVE AN ARK!!
*This covenant is for ALL mankind! And its sign (rainbow) is by the Memra [Word] there as at the beginning to bear witness that God keeps His side of the promise FOREVER….
Genesis 8;20 Then Noach built an altar to HASHEM and took of every clean animal of of every clean bird, and offered burnt-offerings on the altar. 21 HASHEM smelled the pleasing aroma, and HASHEM said in His heart: “I will not continue to curse again the ground because of man, since the imagery of man’s heart is evil from his youth; nor will I again continue to smite every living being, as I have done. 22 Continuously, all the days of the earth, seedtime and harvest, cold and heat, summer and winter, day and night, shall not cease.
9;8 And God said to Noach and to his sons with him saying: 9”And as for Me, behold, I establish My covenant with you and with your offspring after you, 10 and with every living being that is with you-…
11 And I will confirm My covenant with you: Never again shall all flesh be cut off by waters of the flood, and never again shall there be a flood to destroy the earth.
12 And God said “This is the sign of the covenant that I give between Me and you, and every living being that is with you, to generations forever: 13 I have set Mt rainbow in the cloud, and it shall be a sign of the covenant between Me and the earth.
**To think God’s promise to His people Israel (which by Yeshua’s atoning blood , death to our former self, and continued faithful service we are ‘grafted in’ and considered part of…Israel) …when He says “brief moments”and “slight wrath” and we consider the continued persecution and horror over the years for the Jewish people, I consider that I have no concept of the grand scale of God’s Love and His concept of Time I can not even begin to imagine! When I think about all the incredible patience He has shown one who has wandered so far, the blessings like a flood over a life so far from perfect…I am warm with the glow of a future for Israel (though we already clearly see His divine hand in the existence and great prosperity of Israel)…I smile all over when I think about His plan for them….and us!
Isaiah 54;4 Fear not, for you will not be shamed; do not feel humiliated, for you will not be disgraced; for you will forget the shame of your youth and you will no longer recall the disgrace of your widowhood.
5 For your Master is your Maker, HASHEM, Master of Legions, is His Name; your Redeemer is the Holy One of Israel; God of all the world will He be called.
6 For like a wife who had been forsaken and melancholy has HASHEM called you, and like a wife of one’s youth who had become despised, said your God.
7For but a brief moment have I forsaken you, and with abundant mercy will I gather you in.
8With slight wrath have I concealed My countenance from you for a moment, but with eternal kindness shall I show you mercy, said your Redeemer, HASHEM.
9 For [like] the waters of Noach this shall be to Me: Just as I swore that the waters of Noach would never again pass over the earth, so have I sworn not to be wrathful with you nor to rebuke you.
10 For the mountains may be moved and the hills may falter, but My kindness shall not be removed from you, My covenant of peace shall not falter, said the One who shows you mercy, HASHEM.
11 O afflicted, storm-tossed one, who has not been consoled: Behold, I will set down gems as your [flooring] stones and lay your foundation with sapphires.
12 I will set your window [frames] with ruby and [make] your gates of carbuncle stones, and your entire boundary of precious stones.
13 All your children will be students of HASHEM, and your children’s peace will be abundant.
14 Establish yourself through righteousness, distance yourself from oppression, for you need not fear it, and from devastation, for it will not come near you.
17 Any weapon sharpened against you will not succeed, and any tongue that will rise against you in judgment, you will condemn. This is the heritage of the servants of HASHEM, and their righteousness from Me- the word of HASHEM.
**The world around you may seem to be ablaze with sin and deceitfulness. Those you entrusted with your heart may have deceived you and betrayed you leaving you feeling as if you were drowning in sorrow. As the outside influences attack and we are challenged to maintain devotion and headway toward discovering the roles and places God wants to plant us….there is an Ark of safety, sure, strong, impermeable…one that will withstand the torrents of arrows and the fire of lies and the evil tongue, one that will be a secure sanctuary as the waters rage around you….unfailing, unchanging and we are beckoned to enter.
The door to this Ark is open every day, in the study of the Word of God and in daily faithful prayer.
This will be the peace in a world drowning, and the protection for all those who enter.
Matthew 24; 30 “ Then the sign of the Son of Man will appear in the sky, all the tribes of the Land will mourn, and they will see the Son of Man coming on the clouds of heaven with tremendous power and glory. 31 He will send out his angels with the great the Shofar; and they will gather together his chosen people from the four winds, from one end of heaven to the other.
32 Now let the fig tree will teach you its lesson: when its branches begin to sprout and leaves appear, you know that summer is approaching. 33 In the same way, when you see all these things, you are to know that the time is near, right at the door. 34 Yes! I tell you that this people will certainly not pass away before all these things happen.
35 Heaven and earth will pass away, but my words will never pass away.
36 But when that day and the hour will come, no one knows- not the angels in heaven, not the Son, only the Father.
37 For the Son of Man’s coming will be just as it was in the days of Noach. 38 Back then, before the Flood, people went on eating and drinking, taking wives and becoming wives, right up till the day Noach entered the Ark;39 and they did not know what was happening until the Flood came and swept them all away. It will be just like that when the Son of Man comes.
October 9, 2012
Why are You so kind to me?
The one who bites the air with deceitful vain vow!
How is it that You still embrace me?
The one who thrust aside in fury Your comforter!
When the time of testing came it was I who denied thy grace!
Wondrous, inexplicable King….
What is it that could ever express to my finite understanding…
These things You are doing for Your child?
It is Your Word saying,
“You love me with all your heart…..”
More clear and more brilliant in a single divine moment,
than all these days…years, of shadow and distress in which I was assured by lies…
that I had no direction or reason to return to thee
For I was told in a cruel whisper that my pit had been dug,
And I had fallen in….
There was no way out and I had no reason to approach thy holiness, for I would be denied!
So I denied myself and the world grew dim.
Your grace, Your love, Your Righteousness pierced the selfish gloom….
It is Your Word that repeated…
“You, have never stopped thinking about Me nor did You cease to Declare My Name…and CRY OUT TO ME!!!”
When did You write Your Name upon me?
For it is solely by that reason, that I am pulled…..
by the strongest, yet softest, most beautifully crafted ’rope’ out of the pit!
Not with haste or tension…
But in the smoothest sensation of rising again to the One who put this breath within me…
With patience and mercy….
What could I ever express to elucidate the times You have cradled me dangling over the treacherous waters of despair….
And how I am astounded that You reminded me, Father….
One must grasp in supplication
And open the door to light in the Word
This is the light which is the rope…..
Your embrace Your faith in a lowly child….
Because You believe I worth something….
I have some worth!!
Your praise Oh ADONAI shall not leave my mouth forever and ever….
In the most beautiful name, the name that is Salvation, Yeshua the Messiah I pray,
Living, and eternal.
I have no picture in my head of who this might be for,
But I have a raging fire in my heart right now to express that
This is a time when challenge and fear,
The lies and deception of darkness
Will attempt to blot out all the goodness and light you all have either worked so hard for,
Devoted your lives and hearts to…
And this dark vanity will try and hide that which you SEARCH for…..
Do not be afraid, and continue to be strong and to search because I bear witness
That the King of Kings and the Master of Legions will fight harder for you!!!
He will continue to court you with kindness and mercy, with the words only your heart can hear, for it is there they were inscribed….I can testify that death and darkness can be defeated
And that He desires LIFE for YOU…according to His brilliant timing…..
He is fighting for you and I PROMISE with all that He gave me…my life….
He will be Victorious,
Please believe in Him…
And you will see.
August 13, 2012
Never stop climbing
the impossible IS impossible alone
without a plan or a guide
without something driving you onward or
someone cheering you toward the completion of a goal
The Ultimate Encourager is the One who has your
ascension in Mind…
The Eternally Faithful Helper is the One
who keeps you in His sights
whether you have hit the bottom or are steadily reaching the light
of the glorious heights of hope!
He is the rope Which ties all things together
He has His hand held out
and it is never beyond your reach…
lift your heart and He will take hold
bringing you to a place you never thought you would see
filled and overflowing with direction and purpose
and an unending supply of gracious inspiration!
Blessed are You my King
Dearest most precious beloved will you follow me here,
would you pursue my voice as if it gave you life
and spoke your soul into existence…
My dear tender ones
If I ask you to trust in me completely,
as if it were my very breath
that constituted the air in your nostrils,
the breeze in the ruthless desert
behind your sweat and tears cooling you and
kindly urging you onward toward Eden
O you whom I love as myself
will you be true to me even when you can not see me,
will you sing to me even when you can not feel me there?
When you awaken and warm your aching spirit in the
glittering golden beams of day
will you thank me?
When your body is strengthened, satisfied and satiated with
sustenance in gladness will you bless me?
When you mold the children
will you tell them how long I await you,
how long I will be faithful, how long I planned for you…
Will you tell them of the beauty I place here before you?
Will you remember me, will you remember my heart?
I will be yours for eternity
I will run to protect you over generations, beyond time and space…
I will save you and carry you
caress you in the warmth and surety of my truth.
I will guide you wherever you go and I will never leave you for long,
yet long will I pursue you and await you to answer the pleas for my heart….
to be mine,
to do as I have asked of you…
that we may be united in all things,
that we may rejoice in a Kingdom
more lovely and outstanding than anything that ever was
or will be again….forevermore.
Most precious beloved will you follow me there?
Moses ascended to God, and HASHEM called to him from the mountain, saying, “So shall you say to the House of Jacob and relate to the children of Israel. ‘You have seen what I did in Egypt, and that I have borne you on the wings of eagles and brought you to Me. And now, if you hearken well to Me and observe My covenant, you shall be to Me the most beloved treasure of all peoples, for Mine is the entire world. You shall be to Me a kingdom of ministers and a holy nation.’ These are the words that you shall speak to the Children of Israel. ” Moses came and summoned the elders of the people, and put before them all these words that HASHEM had commanded him.
The entire people responded together and said, “Everything that HASHEM has spoken we shall do! ” Moses brought back the words of the people to HASHEM.
Blessed are You YAHWEH our God, King of the universe, Who has kept us alive, sustained us, and brought us to this season. Amein